I Refuse To Date A Guy Who Tries To Keep Me A Secret

Keeping a relationship low-key is one thing, but keeping it a secret from friends, family and literally everyone important in my life is another thing entirely. I’m all for keeping my private life private, but that doesn’t mean I’ll ever consent to being a guy’s dirty little secret.

  1. If he’s hiding me, he’s probably hiding a hell of a lot more. The first thing I want to know is what he’s got to hide. What justifiable reason would a man have for keeping me a secret? The only conclusion I can come to is he’s either hiding me from someone or hiding someone from me. I won’t pick the lesser of those two evils. Whatever he’s hiding, I don’t want any part of it.
  2. I deserve a real relationship. Real relationships don’t need to be hidden. I don’t want to be another skeleton in his closet. I want a real relationship that can be out in the open. I want to go out and not worry about what others think. I don’t want to stay inside and hide our relationship from the rest of the world — that’s just not real love to me.
  3. Private life doesn’t mean secret life. Keeping the inner aspects of my relationship private is not the same as keeping the entire relationship a secret. When a relationship is good, you want to at least be able to share your happiness with your close friends and family. I won’t divulge every minute detail but I won’t keep my relationship hidden either.
  4. A relationship should make me feel better about myself, not worse. If I allow myself to be a guy’s secret, I’m just going to grow ashamed of myself. I’ll start to have a complex about why he’s hiding me and why I’m allowing myself to be hidden. I want to be with a man who can’t wait to show me off. I want a man who feels so lucky to be with me that he can’t wait to tell everyone important in his life. I deserve at least that.
  5. I’m not willing to settle. Accept an imaginary relationship where we’re only together in secret? No thanks. I won’t settle for a secret when I know I could have an open and honest relationship. No guy is worth being treated like that. I don’t want a relationship that feels wrong; I want real love and I don’t want to have to compromise the love I’ve always dreamed of for a man who can’t sort out his personal problems.
  6. I won’t compromise my self-worth. I’m worth more than to be hidden away from the world. Is that really the love that any woman thinks she deserves? I know my worth and I won’t compromise what I deserve just so it’s easier for one guy to keep his affairs in order. If a man can’t give me the love I deserve, then I’ll wait for one who can.
  7. Our “relationship” would never have any sense of trust. I believe in openness and honesty, but a secret relationship is just a lie. If he’s hiding me, then he’s way too comfortable with lying for my taste. His whole life is a lie and being with him would just make me an accomplice in that. If he can’t trust me with the rest of your life, then I can’t trust him to be in mine.
  8. If he’s ashamed of me, he shouldn’t be with me. If I’m not “good enough” to have a public relationship with him, then why be together at all? I’m a catch and if he can’t realize that it’s his loss. I’ll never be ashamed of who I love and if a man is crazy enough to be ashamed of me, then the truth is he’s not good enough for me.
  9. Being someone’s secret is just a waste of time. I don’t want to waste time on yet another man who doesn’t treat me right. I’m sick of relationships that never go anywhere. I want to settle down. I want to have a future with someone and real love wasn’t made to be kept secret. I’m done wasting time on the wrong guys. I’m ready for Mr. Right.
  10. I’d rather be alone than have to spend our relationship in the dark. If I can’t have all of a guy then I’d rather have none of him. I don’t want only a piece of his heart — I want the whole damn thing. I don’t want to spend my life hiding out at my secret boyfriend’s place every night. I want to be able to go out and have the full experience of a real relationship. If I can’t have that, if he can’t give me that, then I’d rather be alone than be his dirty little secret.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.