This Relationship Checklist Will Help You Assess Your Connection With Your Partner

While all relationships are different, there are some important standards that are universal to every healthy relationship, and it’s important to assess your relationship from time to time to make sure they’re being met. Here are a few things you should be striving for.

  1. You’re not trying to change each other, but you will put your foot down when necessary. You and your partner accept each other as-is. However, you’re able to set healthy boundaries when needed, like when one of you is treating the other badly or engaging in harmful behavior. You and your partner should love each other for who you are, but aren’t going to allow behavior that is unhealthy or hurtful.
  2. The communication in your relationship is both healthy and effective. As vital as communication is in a healthy relationship, it can be really difficult, even for couples that have been together for a really long time. People have different communication styles and preferences, and some people prefer to avoid talking things out or take a passive-aggressive approach instead of an honest one. For your relationship to be successful, being able to communicate effectively and in a positive way is so important.
  3. When you do argue, you fight fair. Every couple argues, but there’s a way to deal with fights fairly. There should be no low-blows, hurtful comments said out of spite, or manipulation going on as you’re working through a disagreement. You also need to respect each other by keeping the problems that caused the stir between the two of you rather than involving other people and creating unneeded drama. When you do have an argument, you work to find a solution that helps to move the relationship forward, and you end up much stronger for it. You also shouldn’t be continuously having the same fights over and over with no resolution or progression.
  4. There are way more ups than downs in your relationship. It’s normal and even unavoidable to have some ups and downs in any kind of relationship. However, there should definitely be way more happiness and positivity than sadness and negativity, and if that’s not the case, it’s definitely a sign that you need to re-evaluate things.
  5. You laugh together often and can even poke fun at each other from time to time. Your partner should also be your friend, and being able to have fun with the person you’re in a relationship with is so important. You should also be secure enough that a little joking at each other’s expense isn’t a problem if it’s not done in a cruel or malicious manner. If it is, you n eed to get out.
  6. You’re on the same page when it comes to long-term plans, goals, and dreams. Not all relationships are destined to last forever and that’s perfectly fine. However, if you feel like yours is, it’s important that you not only discuss long-term plans and goals but are headed in the same direction. You should be supportive and encouraging of each other’s dreams and want each other to be successful.
  7. You feel safe and secure with your partner. Your relationship is not a chaotic hurricane of extreme highs and lows. You feel safe and comfortable in your partner’s arms and including them in your life. You aren’t worried, nervous, or scared about how they’ll treat you or how they’ll act, and they feel the same about you.
  8. The trust level in your relationship is through the roof. You’re able to be completely honest with your partner and never question that they do the same. There’s no playing private detective or snooping through texts or emails because there’s no shadiness between the two of you. A relationship can have all the love in the world, but without trust, it won’t be successful or healthy.
  9. You don’t look for attention or ways to get your needs met elsewhere. You and your partner are aware of each other’s needs and you both make a legitimate effort to make sure you’re happy and feel loved. You don’t need attention or validation from anyone else and it actually makes you uncomfortable when you inadvertently receive it.
  10. You love the life that you’ve built together but you still have your own interests, passions, and friends. Neither of you are dependent on the relationship or using it as a crutch. You’re both in the relationship because you genuinely want to be, not because you’re afraid to be alone. You’re able to balance your passions and friendships with your relationship and although you love spending time together, you aren’t neglecting other parts of your life. Basically, a night apart isn’t an issue.
Kerry is a freelance writer from Boston, Massachusetts who now lives in the Sunshine State with the love of her life and her 15 month old daughter. She writes frequently about her personal experiences (find more of her work on She has an Etsy shop with cute items: she's not writing, she loves to spend time outside, at the beach, and with her family.