We all like a little routine sometimes — it feels safe and comfortable. But too much of it can leave your relationship feeling a bit stale. If you and your partner find yourselves doing these things all the time, it might be time to inject some fun back into your lives. You don’t want to look back and feel like you missed out on some awesome adventures together!
1. You stop getting to know each other.
Remember how things were at the start? You were both so nervous that one wrong move could throw the whole thing off that each moment felt sacred and special. It was all new territory and you were constantly trying to learn about what made each other tick. Now, you believe that you know all there is to know. You’ve stopped being curious, and that’s a killer.
2. You don’t do date nights anymore.
This is always a key marker of couples who no longer feel the need to put effort into their relationship. It may seem like money is always tight or there isn’t time, but people who want to keep the spark alive will always overcome these excuses.
3. You only talk about logistics.
It can be hard when you introduce kids to a relationship because until they are a certain age, you feel pressure to put their needs above your own, every time. Yes, you should commit time and energy to your family, but not all of it! Make sure you don’t just make plans together for other people — invest in each other.
4. You’re afraid your gestures will be rejected.
This happens when a relationship stagnates and becomes boring. It’s harder than ever to try to break through those lazy habits you have. On the one hand, you take your partner for granted, but on the other hand, the longer your dry spell goes on, the harder it is to reignite the passion.
5. You don’t bring them around your friends anymore.
Community environments defined your 20s as you were all discovering yourselves. However, now that you’re both older, things look very different. You report back to your friends, but they’re now separate spaces. It can be isolating, so try to make the effort to bring everyone together. Host a dinner party!
6. You’re feeling negative about yourself.
How we feel on the inside reflects how we engage in the world. If we’re feeling negative about our jobs, bodies, social lives, or prospects, that will be clear as day. If you’re feeling weighed down, share those thoughts with your partner. They may well be feeling the same way, and you can work together to bring optimism back into the relationship.
7. You’re too comfortable.
Sweatpants are your friend, but there is a time and a place. When you get back from work, rather than throwing on your oldest, grottiest gardening gear, why don’t you pop to the local bar with your partner. It only has to be one round — keep it low-commitment to start with. It will get you out of your comfort zone and out of your goblin mode.
8. Neither of you gets vulnerable anymore.
When the communication stops in a relationship, so does everything else. When deep, vulnerable, meaningful conversations cease – so does the connection and intimacy. In turn, the physical attraction will also wane as you feel distance in your relationship. Kickstart things with an open and honest conversation about how much you mean to each other.
9. You don’t really touch each other anymore.
Every relationship goes through natural ups and downs when it comes to the physical side of life. However, you don’t have to magically become “Fifty Shades” wannabes. Start small — hold each other’s hands when you’re walking, always hug before bed, and you’ll feel the cogs of intimacy start to whir again. More intimacy in the bedroom doesn’t magically make the relationship better — doesn’t hurt, though!
10. You’re too stuck in your own head.
Remember, it’s not all your own fault, so don’t internalize the guilt or responsibility for your relationship. You can’t fail or succeed at a relationship, it just continues. Plus, it takes two people to maintain a relationship, so keep talking to each other and listening to their perspectives. It will be refreshing.
11. You’re feeling boring.
If you feel boring, the relationship will be boring. It’s just maths. Try to spice things up by picking up a new hobby or doing something you wouldn’t normally do, like taking a cooking class.
12. You’re both stressed and in survival mode.
When you’re stressed, you’re both in survival mode. It’s incredibly hard to stay in survival mode for too long. Push yourself to start embracing the small details of each other, like reading a chapter of a book before bed, or discussing how your day was. You can draw on each other for support.
13. You start comparing yourself to other couples.
Nothing good comes from comparing yourself to couples in the media or around you. They’re all performing or concealing the real troubles in their relationships. Don’t feel bad just because your friend has two kids, a great body, and a hot husband. One of them is probably cheating. You’re doing better than you think you are.
14. You feel nostalgic for the past but not excited for the future.
This is a natural impulse growing up in times like these. We all want to look to our childhoods and remember the simpler times. But, realistically, things weren’t simple – our parents just protected us from it. Remember that you can be excited for the future and still be a little scared. It’s human nature.
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