Reminder: Getting Under Someone New Won’t Help You Get Over Someone Old

It’s been said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new, but is that really true? Not likely. Who even came up with that crappy advice? Probably just some horny guy at the bar who was taking advantage of yet another heartbroken girl. Well, let that douchebag please himself, because he’s not the cure to your broken heart. Here’s why:

  1. You can’t replace someone overnight. Your ex is definitely replaceable, just not overnight. It takes time to find someone new, someone better. If you don’t take the time to learn from that relationship, then you’re just going to repeat the same mistakes with a different boyfriend. You’ll be trapped in an endless cycle of heartbreak and you’ll always wonder where you went wrong.
  2. You need to heal on your own. At least in the relationship sense. You can be comforted by friends and family, but not by another guy in your bed. He can’t fix you. You need to fix yourself before you can even think about diving into another relationship. No man will make you happy; that’s just something you have to find all by yourself.
  3. No one wants to be a rebound. He’ll always feel like second best. When that becomes too much and he inevitably leaves, you’ll be left with nothing… again. You’ll have the heartbreak of not one, but two men leaving you. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you ever settle for being a guy’s second choice?
  4. Emotional instability isn’t solved in the bedroom. Your bed might not be as empty, but you are. Good sex might feel good for a moment, but once the orgasm has come and gone, you’ll be left with that empty feeling once again. Sex cures loneliness, but only for a second. It’s a false sense of security, but in the end, it’s all between the sheets — you’re still alone in the real world.
  5. The cure to a broken heart is time. Sex won’t make you feel better; a new guy won’t make you feel better. The truth is you’re trying to kill time instead of using it. You’re hiding from your broken heart instead of trying to heal it. You need to face reality, because when this fantasy comes crashing down, what’s next?
  6. He’s just a distraction. This isn’t love. You’re just hiding out, hoping that while you’re rebounding underground the storm will pass. The only thing you’re doing, though, is putting off the healing process. Eventually you will have to face those demons and the longer you wait, the longer it will take you to finally move on.
  7. You won’t find the strength in being alone. You were one half of a couple for so long, and now you need to learn how to be whole on your own. Jumping into someone new just means you’re trying to skip a step. You can’t just fast forward through heartbreak to your fairytale ending. You’re taking the easy way out. You need to face your fears and take the time to heal or you’ll never be able to truly move on.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.