Being a good person takes effort, even when we have the best intentions. Sometimes we accidentally do or say things that come off as rude without even realizing it. Here are a few common slip-ups well-meaning people sometimes make — but don’t stress! Some small adjustments can go a long way in building stronger relationships and avoiding those awkward misunderstandings.
1. Interrupting
Conversations get exciting, and sometimes we jump in too soon. But constantly interrupting makes people feel unheard. Instead, try waiting for a natural pause, or let them know with a raised hand that you have something to add. If you DO interrupt, acknowledge it and apologize, then let the person finish talking.
2. Cancelling plans at the last minute
Life gets crazy, and sometimes plans need to change. But constant cancellations are a real bummer for friends who made time for you. If you have to back out, give as much notice as you can, suggest an alternative time to hang out, and try your best not to make it a regular thing. Respecting your friend’s schedule shows you value them.
3. “Just being honest” as an excuse for hurtful comments
There’s being truthful, and then there’s being unnecessarily mean. Before speaking, ask yourself: Is it true, kind, and necessary? If not, maybe keep it to yourself. Consider how your words might land on the other person – empathy can prevent a lot of hurt feelings.
4. Not paying attention during conversations
Phone scrolling, daydreaming… we all do it. But it makes people feel unimportant. Instead, practice active listening – make eye contact and focus on what the person is saying. By being fully present, you’ll have deeper connections and might even catch important details you’d miss while distracted.
5. Giving advice when it’s not asked for
Sometimes your friend just needs to get stuff off their chest, not get bombarded with solutions. Before you jump in with advice, try asking, “Do you want me to help brainstorm, or would you rather just vent?” Throwing opinions out there without permission can sometimes feel dismissive of their feelings. Let them know you’re there to listen first, and wait for them to ask if they want solutions.
6. One-upping
It’s tempting when a friend shares a bad experience, to immediately jump in with how your day was even worse. It’s a conversation killer. Instead, be a good listener, offer some sympathy, and find an opportunity to share your relatable story later in the conversation. The focus is on connecting, not competing for the “my life sucks more” award.
7. Making promises you can’t keep
It’s tempting to say “yes” just to please people, but think before making commitments you might not keep. A simple “I’d love to, but it depends on a few things. I’ll circle back as soon as I know for sure!” is way better than flaking out later. Honesty builds trust, and breaking even small promises can make you seem unreliable.
8. Gossiping
Gossip is tempting, but always backfires. Even if it’s true, trash-talking someone behind their back is a surefire way to ruin the trust between you. If you have a legit concern, talk to the person directly. Staying out of petty drama is the best way to keep your own reputation clean, and honestly, it’s way less stressful in the long run!
9. Forgetting names
Ugh, drawing a blank on someone’s name is the worst, but it happens to everyone occasionally. Don’t sweat it, and definitely don’t try to fake it. A simple “Hey, I’m so sorry, I totally spaced on your name. Mind reminding me?” goes a long way. Honesty is way more charming than pretending you remember. Plus, you’ll actually learn their name this time!
10. Always being late
Even if not on purpose, it conveys that your time is more valuable than other people’s. Give realistic ETAs, add a buffer for delays, and communicate if you’re running behind. Respect people’s time. Chronic lateness is frustrating and can make you seem unreliable, so make punctuality a priority.
11. Talking over people
Just like interrupting, it shows you’re not fully listening. Make space for quieter voices. Even if someone’s taking a while to articulate, let them finish their thought. Everyone deserves to feel heard and valued in a conversation.
12. Being overly negative
Constant complaining drags everyone down. It’s okay to vent, but try balancing it with appreciation or seeking solutions. Look for the positives, even in tough situations. Focus on what you can control and contribute to a more positive environment for everyone.
13. Making passive-aggressive comments
The sarcastic undertone, the backhanded compliment… it’s not fooling anyone. If you’re upset, address it directly or choose a kinder way to express yourself. Passive-aggressiveness breeds resentment and makes genuine communication impossible.
14. “Forgetting” your wallet
Once in a while is an honest mistake, but when it’s a pattern, it makes friends feel used. Be prepared to pay your share. If money’s genuinely tight, suggest low-cost activities or be upfront about your budget. Friends will understand limitations, but not the feeling of being taken advantage of.
15. Ignoring texts or calls
Sometimes you need space, sure, but constantly ghosting friends is hurtful. Even a quick, “Can’t talk now, will get back to you later!” is better than nothing. It’s called basic communication. Let people know where you stand, it saves them from wondering and shows you care about the relationship.
16. Flaking out without explanation
Disappearing from plans without a word is plain rude. Life gets in the way, just give a heads up! Even a brief “Something came up, so sorry to miss it!” shows consideration. Leaving people hanging is disrespectful and can damage friendships. Be mindful of the impact your actions have on others.
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