You were in a situationship for three months and now it’s over and you can’t believe that it’s hurting more than the three-year relationship you survived. What the heck? Don’t worry, you’re not going crazy. Situationships, although marked by a lack of commitment and zero relationship rules, can be pretty intense. Here are 11 reasons why getting over a situationship can be more challenging than getting over a long-term relationship.
1. You Didn’t Get A Clear Breakup.
You weren’t officially a couple, so when things fell apart you didn’t go through a conventional breakup. Things just ended like that and you didn’t have a chance to process your feelings. So now you’re dumped with a truckload of emotions and you’re not sure how to deal. It’s hectic. In some cases, you might even be cruelly ghosted by the person with whom you were in a situationship, which makes it worse.
2. You’re Swamped With Fantasies Of What Could’ve Been.
Situationships can be fun because they’re light yet exciting. When they suddenly end, you might be left with all the daydreams and fantasies of what could have been. The situationship didn’t come with relationship labels or clear definitions of what it was, but you were dreaming about hitting those milestones. That’s hard to let go.
3. You Don’t Get Closure.
Since the relationship wasn’t defined and you didn’t get a proper breakup, how the heck are you supposed to get closure? It’s not happening. Situationships usually include a lack of clear communication, which makes it more difficult to get the closure you want. To move on, you have to deal with giving yourself closure, such as by identifying the root of your pain and writing the person a letter you never send, so you don’t get stuck in the situation.
4. You Were Working Up To Something.
Maybe you felt like you and the person you were dating were building up to something real. It was just around the corner, any second now it would happen and you’d be happy… Then, nothing! You and the person were so in sync that you felt like your situationship was going to become an exclusive and official relationship. It didn’t happen, but that doesn’t make it easier to move on. It can actually be more difficult because you didn’t get what you wanted.
5. Your Friends Aren’t Supporting You.
Getting over someone is always made a bit easier when you’ve got a support system helping you out. But, if you’re dealing with a situationship, you’re not going to get as much sympathy from others. People might say, “But you weren’t even a legit couple!” as though it’s easy to switch off your feelings. The sad truth is that it’s not and you shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it.
6. You Blinked And It Was Over.
Situationships tend to move really quickly. One second, you’re meeting up and hooking up, and the next it’s all done and dusted. Woah, what? The fast pace is what can be unsettling because you have so many conflicting emotions but it feels like you don’t have enough time to process them as you would when moving from one dating milestone to the next in a slower-paced relationship. It’s overwhelming.
7. Your Situationship Ended During The Best Time.
Since situationships are fired up and fizzle really fast, you don’t experience the ups and downs of a long-term relationship. Instead, the situationship ends during the best times, like the honeymoon phase when you wanna be together 24-7 and everything is rosy. This can make it tougher to deal with because you wish you could’ve continued with it.
8. Your Partner Was Still Perfect In Your Eyes.
If your situationship ended early on when you hadn’t seen all the person’s flaws, you might feel like you’re grieving a perfect person and you’ll never get them back. But who knows? Maybe if you’d been in a relationship with the person, you might’ve seen their bad side, which could’ve made you want to end things. You just don’t know and that uncertainty is a killer.
9. You’re Craving The High.
You might have become a bit addicted to the rollercoaster ride of the situationship. It could’ve been filled with sparks, hot sex, and lots of fun, as well as some lows, such as a lack of commitment. Now that it’s over, you might be craving dopamine, a pleasure chemical released by the brain at high levels during the pursuit of a relationship.
10. You’re Lying To Yourself.
Other people’s lack of sympathy for what you’re going through might mess with your head, making you lie to yourself that you’re not going through a breakup-like situation because you weren’t in a real relationship. But, denying what you’re feeling is going to make it more difficult to process what happened and move on. It’s better to deal with the feelings that come up so they don’t control you.
11. You’ve Been Invested In It.
It doesn’t matter that you weren’t someone’s “girlfriend” or that the relationship wasn’t official. You can’t deny that you were emotionally invested in the situationship. You had hopes that the connection with the person was something that would last, which is similar to the hope you’d have when starting a relationship. The feelings are the same, even if what you called the situation or relationship weren’t.
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