Sometimes, even with the best of intentions, we can say things that come across as insensitive or rude. It’s important to be aware of the impact your words have on people, especially when you’re trying to offer support or advice. Here’s a list of phrases to avoid if you want to be helpful rather than hurtful.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Telling someone they’re too sensitive dismisses their feelings and can make them feel ashamed for having a natural emotional response. Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from and let them know that you get it. Remember, everyone processes feelings differently. Try to show a little empathy — it will definitely be appreciated.
2. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
Minimizing someone’s problems invalidates their feelings. Even if something seems minor to you, it might be a major source of stress for them. Try to offer empathy and support instead of downplaying their experience. Acknowledge their perspective with something like, “I understand this is really upsetting for you.”
3. “At least you have…”
Saying this kind of thing makes someone’s problems feel small and unimportant. It can make them feel bad for struggling or like they don’t have the right to feel upset. Instead of comparing their experiences, try to focus on understanding how they feel. Let them know you’re there to listen and offer some more encouraging words.
4. “You need to just get over it.”
Healing takes time, and rushing the process isn’t helpful. Telling someone to “get over it” implies that their feelings aren’t important or will disappear on command. Offer continued support while they work through their emotions. Let them know you are there for them, no matter how long it takes.
5. “You’re always so negative.”
People experiencing difficult times may need to vent or express their frustrations. Labeling them as negative can shut down communication and make them feel worse. Allow them space to express themselves without judgment. Sometimes just listening attentively can be the most helpful thing you can do.
6. “Everything happens for a reason.”
This platitude can feel dismissive, especially during a fresh wound or crisis. It offers no practical comfort and may minimize the real pain someone is experiencing. Offer practical support or comforting presence instead. A simple hug or “I’m so sorry you’re going through this” can go a long way.
7. “You just need to think positive!”
While positivity can be helpful, forcing it can be toxic, especially for someone battling depression, anxiety, or a difficult situation. Avoid simplistic solutions, and instead focus on offering support and resources if needed. Let them know it’s okay not to be okay, and that you’ll be there through the ups and downs.
8. “You brought this on yourself.”
Blaming the victim is never helpful. Regardless of a person’s mistakes, they deserve compassion and support, not condemnation when they’re already down. Focus on helping them navigate the current situation rather than assigning blame.
9. “I’ve been through worse.”
While you may want to build rapport, comparing your struggles can minimize the other person’s experience. Focus on listening to their story and validating their feelings. Choose phrases like “I can’t imagine how difficult that must be” to express empathy.
10. “My [family member/friend] went through the same thing…”
Unless you’re followed up with, “…and this is how they coped,” sharing someone else’s story can inadvertently feel dismissive. Keep the focus on the person you’re trying to help and their unique situation. Offer your support without shifting the conversation away from them.
11. “Have you tried…?”
Unsolicited advice, especially if it’s obvious or overly simplistic, can be frustrating for someone struggling. Ask if they’re open to suggestions before offering solutions. Instead, you could try, “Would you like to talk about some possible options?”.
12. “I told you so.”
Being right is far less important than being supportive in hindsight. Avoid smugness and focus on how you can support them moving forward. Offer something like, “Okay, let’s not focus on what happened, how can I help you now?”
13. “You’ll be fine.”
These dismissive words invalidate the fear, worry, or pain they feel in the moment. Instead, try “I’m here for you” or “How can I help?”. Offer tangible support if possible, even if it’s just a listening ear.
14. “You need to [take medication/go to therapy/etc.]”
Unless you’re a qualified professional, avoid diagnosing or prescribing solutions. You might gently suggest seeking professional help if it seems appropriate but focus on offering non-judgmental support. Let them know you care and are willing to assist them in finding the right resources if they want them.
15. “God won’t give you more than you can handle.”
For some, this may be comforting, but to others, it feels like an unfair burden. Avoid spiritual platitudes unless you know they resonate with the person you’re trying to help. Simple words of encouragement like “You’re strong” or “You can get through this” might be more supportive.
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