Relationships don’t come with guarantees. In fact, it’s totally normal to go through ups and downs and wonder at times if your relationship is worth continuing with. No one can tell you what is right for you, but there are a few universal must-haves in a healthy long-term relationship. Even if you’re having doubts, here are a few of the biggest signs that you have something worth fighting for.
1. You have mutual respect.
Respect is an important part of the foundation of any relationship. Without it, maintaining your bond is a losing battle. Disagreements and fights are inevitable, but if you genuinely respect each other, it never devolves into name-calling, insults, or trying to hurt each other on purpose.
2. You share the same vision of your future.
One of the biggest reasons an otherwise happy couple breaks up is they don’t want to do the same things for their future. If one of you wants to settle down, get married, and have kids and the other one wants to travel and remain childfree, finding a compromise is unlikely. Having someone who wants the same things as you is half the battle of finding a life partner.
3. You share the same values.
Sharing similar values with your partner makes for a much more peaceful relationship. When your priorities are similar, it means neither one of you has to compromise more than the other and you have an easier time feeling equal in your relationship without too much extra effort. No two people will be exactly the same in every way, but if you’ve found someone who fits into your lifestyle, that’s worth fighting for.
4. You have solid communication.
When you communicate effectively, a lot of the other hurdles that can derail a relationship become a lot less daunting. You’ve both put in the time and effort to grow a bond where you feel comfortable voicing your feelings and opinions, and that’s not an easy thing to do. It probably means that you have some similarities in the way you communicate and you’re also willing to listen to and learn from each other.
5. You genuinely like each other.
This might seem obvious, but if you’ve ever been in a relationship where you stopped liking your partner, you know how important it is. If you can still think of multiple things you like about them and you’re proud to call them your partner, then there is still hope for your relationship.
6. You’ve shown each other unconditional love.
Being in a relationship means seeing your partner at their worst. If you’ve been able to love and support each other even through their lowest lows, that’s a pretty big sign that there’s something between you that you don’t find every day. Think about whether your love for each other is something that has grown or faded through the hard times — that should give you a good idea of what your future could hold.
7. You trust each other implicitly.
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Is there anything more important in a relationship than trust? It’s one of those things that when it’s broken, a lot of the time it’s better to just cut your losses and move on. Cheating and lying in relationships are dealbreakers and if you’ve never had to go through that with your current partner, that means you still have a solid foundation to build on.
8. You’re able to grow as an individual.
Even when you’re in a serious relationship, you are each still individuals with your own wants and needs. It’s important to preserve your identities as individuals and a healthy relationship allows you to do that without pushback. Some people can easily lose themselves in a partnership, so if you’ve found someone who allows you to be yourself, know how invaluable that is.
9. You’ve grown together.
While it’s important to grow as an individual, it’s just as important to evolve your bond with each other. People who have been together for a long time often grow apart and forget to check in and spend quality time together and can end up living parallel lives under the same roof. If you still feel connected to each other through all of life’s changes, count yourself lucky.
10. You have fun together.
Relationships shouldn’t be all serious all the time. Quite the opposite–your partner should be someone you have fun with. Whether you’re traveling, heading out for a night on the town, or just spending a relaxing weekend at home, your partner should be one of your favorite people to do just about anything with. If you have that, think twice before giving it up.
11. You’re emotionally supportive of each other.
Your partner should be the person who shows up for you during the hard times. They should be the one you cry with, vent to, and celebrate life’s big moments with. Emotional support is one of the major perks of being in a relationship and it can be a lonely feeling when you’re not getting that. If you and your partner consistently show up for each other, you’re in a good position to keep working on your relationship.
12. You consistently bring out the best in each other.
Listen, no one is perfect, but if you and your partner feel like you are your best selves the majority of the time, it’s safe to say that your relationship has something to do with that. When you want to be the best you can be for yourselves and for each other, there isn’t much that can hold you back when you’re working as a team.
13. You’re comfortable being vulnerable with each other.
Finding someone you feel comfortable being vulnerable with is no easy feat, especially if you find it difficult to open up. Your partner knows you better than anyone, so if you feel deep down that they accept you for who you are, it’s a lot easier to be vulnerable knowing they’ll be there no matter what. If you can maintain that level of closeness in your relationship, it’s a bond worthy of your time and effort.
14. You still care about each other.
It’s absolutely necessary to check in with yourself and each other often to be sure you’re staying together for the right reasons. There will always be practical reasons whether they are financial, for the kids, or it’s “just easier”, but the real test is knowing that if everything changed, your feelings for each other would be all you needed to keep going.
15. You are both choosing each other.
During rough patches, the most important thing is that you’re both on the same page about choosing to stay in your relationship and work on things together. A relationship takes two, so if one of you is already checked out, it’s not going to work. If you’re both still on board, then it’s possible to persevere and work things out.
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