We all know that person. You know, the one who turns every conversation into a monologue about their latest workout obsession, their amazing vacation, or their kid’s stellar report card. While a little bit of sharing is normal, sometimes it feels like they’ve got a one-track mind…and that track is all about them. If you’re starting to feel like a captive audience rather than a friend or coworker, it’s time to reclaim the conversation! Here’s your arsenal of phrases to put the brakes on the self-absorbed chatter:
1. “That’s super interesting! Speaking of [new topic]…”
This works best if you can find a smooth way to connect their topic to something else. Maybe they’re talking about a new restaurant they love – you could pivot to asking about other good places to eat in the area. This shows you were (somewhat) listening while also broadening the conversation. Be prepared, they might try to steer it right back to themselves!
2. “Wow, you’ve got a lot going on. So, how’s [person they know] doing?”
Shifting the focus to someone else in their life reminds them the world doesn’t revolve solely around them. Ideally, bring up a mutual friend, family member, or coworker to get them talking in a different direction. If they don’t know the person well, it forces them to think outside their usual talking points.
3. “Cool! That reminds me of a time when I…”
A little risky, yes, but it lets you take a turn sharing a story. The key is to keep your anecdote short and relevant. Don’t turn this into your own personal story time – aim to steer the conversation back to a more balanced exchange. It helps if your story connects back to something they were saying, even loosely.
4. The Simple Nod and Smile
This is your minimal effort tactic for when you’re feeling checked out. Throw in noncommittal phrases like “Mmhmm,” “Right,” or “Yeah.” Just be prepared, this might embolden them to talk even MORE because they’ll assume you’re super engaged. It might be best as a temporary tactic followed up by one of the other approaches.
5. “I’d love to chat more, but I’ve gotta run…”
Sometimes, you just have to cut the conversation short. Blame an imaginary deadline, a meeting to get to (even if it’s a meeting with your couch), or a task you absolutely must finish. This is foolproof, but don’t overuse it or they might catch on!
6. “Hey, do you mind if we change the subject?”
Sometimes you need to be blunt and say, “Okay, enough about you, what about me?” It might catch them off-guard for a second, but it shows you’re tired of the one-sided conversation and want a chance to talk too. This is perfect for when you’ve been listening for way too long, or if the person is telling a story that seems like it’s never going to end. And remember, you can always change the subject right afterward!
7. “I’m actually curious to hear your thoughts on [a different topic].”
Direct the chatterbox towards a specific subject. This works well if you have something you genuinely want to ask them about, whether it’s a current event, a work project, or anything that isn’t them, them, them. Be strategic – try to pick a topic you think they might actually have informed opinions on.
8. Ask Open-Ended Questions
Force them to stop talking about themselves by asking questions that require more than a “yes” or “no” answer. “What made you decide on that?” or “How do you feel about that?” pushes them in the direction of self-reflection. These questions have the potential to spark a more interesting conversation for both of you.
9. “Sorry to cut you off, but…”
Sometimes you just have to jump in and stop them mid-sentence. It’s okay to say something like, “Hey, sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to bring up…” Just be firm and change the subject. This should work, especially if they’re really going on and on without taking a breath. Don’t do it all the time, but it can be way nicer than just listening and getting annoyed.
10. “I value our friendship, but sometimes I feel like our conversations are very one-sided.”
If someone you really care about talks about themselves all the time, it’s okay to be honest with them. Make sure you tell them that you value their friendship (or whatever relatoinship you have with them), but it’s starting to feel one-sided. Be clear about how them always talking about themselves makes you feel. A real friend will want to fix things instead of getting defensive.
11. “Let’s hear from someone else for a bit.”
If you’re in a group setting, deflect the attention away from the self-centered talker. This gently puts the spotlight on someone else and encourages them to contribute to the conversation. You could even follow up by directly asking another person in the group a question to get them engaged.
12. “I’m sensing you’re really passionate about this. What do you think is the most important takeaway?”
This might sound sneaky, but asking them to sum it up in a few words can be really helpful. It forces them to take a breath, think about what they just said, and get to the main point. This can also be a natural way to end their long story and give you a chance to jump in and steer the conversation in a new direction. Basically, you’re letting them wrap things up on their own, but in a way that benefits both of you.
13. “You have a really unique perspective.”
A little compliment can work wonders sometimes. Try picking up on something good they mentioned or something you actually agree with, and give them a bit of praise. Then, see if you can gently guide them into talking more about that specific thing instead of their usual bragging points.
14. “I’m feeling a little overwhelmed by all the information, could we take a break?”
Sometimes you just need a breather. Be upfront about your feelings and suggest pausing the conversation. This might shock them into being more mindful moving forward, and it protects your own mental energy from being completely drained.
15. “I’ve noticed you talking about yourself a lot lately. Is everything okay?”
Sometimes people brag a lot when they’re not doing so well inside. Instead of getting annoyed, maybe try asking the person if everything’s okay. It might lead to a real conversation instead of them just trying to be a conversational narcissist. Just watch your tone of voice when you try this one — it could come off as flippant and/or sarcastic rather than sincere.
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