You’ve likely dealt with a narcissist before, but how about someone with conversational narcissism? These are people who might not be full-blown narcissists, but they’re definitely showing narcissistic signs, and you can spot it in the way they communicate. Whether they’re always itching to steal the spotlight or acting like you don’t matter, here are 10 signs you’re dealing with a conversational narcissist, and what you can do to cope.
1. They Talk And Talk And Talk.
One of the most obvious signs that you’re stuck in a conversation with a conversational narcissist is if they go on and on about their own stuff. They don’t stop to read the room or gauge if the person they’re chatting to cares about what they have to say. They’re stuck in a bubble, completely oblivious to everyone around them. Just like with a typical narcissist, this one is incredibly selfish.
2. They Never Ask You Questions.
A conversational narcissist isn’t going to stop talking and give you a chance to speak. They’ll just continue rambling on. If you try to ask them a question, they’ll take time to answer it but never ask it back to you. The conversation is so one-sided! You might want to try squeezing in a word or two, such as, “I have some good thoughts on this” just to see if you can derail them and bring them back.
3. They Talk At You, Not With You.
If you’re having a chat with a conversational narcissist, you’ll soon feel like you’re a student in one of their lectures. Ugh. They love to talk at you as though you’re just meant to absorb their words. Try asking them a question to remind them that you’re still there. This can also help you to get a foot into the conversation. So, if you’re buying a new car and they’re talking about their car, you could say, “I’d love to get your thoughts on the car I’m buying.” This way, you make them feel important while getting to talk about what you want for a change.
4. They Talk Over You.
A conversational narcissist loves the sound of their voice so much that they’ll interrupt all the time. It’s so frustrating. Whenever you try to talk about something you want or you try to get an inch into the conversation, you’re being shut down. To deal, you might want to jump in there and cut them off! Say something like, “Oh, yeah, that’s great, but what I was trying to say is…” Hopefully they’ll get the hint. (BTW, if you’re sick of romantic partners who do this, our sister site Sweetn is for you. They have some incredible advice to overhaul your love life that’s super easy to implement. Check them out here.)
5. Their Eyes Glaze Over.
It’s finally happened: you’ve managed to steal the spotlight from a conversational narcissist! But guess what? Instead of feeling like you’re engaging with them about something important to you, all you can see is that they’re looking bored. Their eyes have glazed over and they’ve checked out. Great. Sometimes, a light approach works. You could say, “Oops, looks like I’m boring you. I should stop.” Or, save your chat for someone who actually wants to hear what’s on your mind.
6. They Sing Their Own Praises.
Does it sometimes feel like the conversational narcissist in your life not only talks to you about their stuff but loves to brag? They’ll find topics that enable them to sing their own praises. They crave attention and want everyone to think they’re amazing. It can be so awkward. If you don’t want to tell them they’re being braggy, consider excusing yourself for a bit. You don’t have to listen to them. Seriously.
7. They Interrupt With Their Body Language.
A conversational narcissist might not interrupt by talking over you but with their body language. So, while you’re talking you might notice them rolling their eyes or avoiding eye contact. They might even make sarcastic sounds to derail you or put you off from talking. It’s so childish! Narcissists love to push others’ boundaries, but let them know you’re not taking it. You could say something like, “I’m not going to talk if you make me feel like you don’t care.”
8. They Mansplain Everything.
What’s worse than someone talking over you and talking at you? Someone who mansplains everything. And some women do it too. So, if they tell you about their home maintenance, they’ll give you instructions on how to clean a concrete garage floor. Or, they’ll explain what their new hair treatment is, without asking if you’ve heard of it. Stay calm so they don’t ruffle your feathers, or slip in a sarcastic comment, like, “Wow, that’s so helpful!” Hopefully, they’ll get the hint it’s not.
9. They Rule The Conversation Topics.
You might try to talk about something, only for the conversational narcissist to jump onto a subject they want to talk about. So, if you’re trying to talk about your day at work, the person will change the subject by talking about what they did on vacation. It might be a good idea to tell the person how this makes you feel, like by saying, “I feel like I don’t get much of a chance to speak.”
10. They Leave The Room.
This one’s wild but it can happen, and it’s so infuriating. You’re trying to talk to the person, but they keep interrupting you, right? They talk down to you, then once they’re done, they excuse themselves to leave the room. Um, what? Look, when they’re done talking, they leave and don’t care how you or anyone else feels about it. Woah. If the person’s someone you care about, you could ask them why they do this or mention how it makes you feel. It’s so freaking rude!
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