When I end things with someone, it means I’m done with him for real. I don’t beg him to take me back, I don’t call him asking to “hang out,” and I definitely don’t try to get him to sleep with me again just for old times’ sake. But apparently, not everyone thinks the same way I do. If you think that hitting me up for a late-night booty call is going to work, this is why you have another thing coming:
- You Were the One Who Was Finished. We had our roller coaster of ups and downs while dating. I know I’m not always an easy girl to date, but in the end, it was you were the one who didn’t want to do this anymore. Stop trying to come back into my life in the wee hours of the morning. It’s not going to happen.
- Don’t you have other options? Can you not find a girl willing to go home with you from the bar on a Saturday night? I’m not your backup booty call. Just because you say sorry doesn’t mean I’m letting you come over. Find someone else willing to have sex with you and let me sleep.
- I’ve moved on. From the moment, you said you were done, I accepted it and carried on with my life. I went out with my friends and did shots until I forgot about you. Sure, the next morning I was sad that we were over, but I forced myself to keep moving forward. Stop trying to make me take a step backward now; it’s not going to happen.
- You’re going to wake my new BF. Your name popping up on my phone that early in the morning is only going to get my new partner pissed off at you. You already made it perfectly clear that you don’t want me, so don’t mess things up for me now that I’ve found someone else who does.
- I’m not your ride home. You’ve tried the “I’m really drunk. Can you come get me?” tactic a few too many times. We aren’t together anymore, so try calling someone who cares. Or better yet, take advantage of all the technology at your fingertips. Uber is a pretty nifty app.
- Your tears aren’t going to help you. Don’t wake me up in the middle of the night to cry to me on the phone. I don’t need to hear how your life isn’t going the way you thought it would be going. I couldn’t care less that you miss me. I’m happy to play the role of a therapist at ungodly hours of the morning for people I care about, but you lost that privilege when you dumped me.
- I took your goodbye to heart. When someone tells me he’s done with a relationship, I’m going to take him seriously. Don’t text me to tell me that you didn’t really mean it and that you still wish we were together. I’m not falling for your BS like I used to.
- I know what you’ve been up to. I’m not stupid enough to think that you want to be back in my life when you text or call me that early in the morning. Word gets around — I’ve heard all about the girls you’ve been running around with since we ended, and I’m not going to be just one more entry on your list of options. Call one of those other girls if you’re that desperate — I deserve to be someone’s priority.
- I can take some responsibility. Okay, I can admit that part of the problem lies with me for occasionally answering when you hit me up. But it’s not because I miss you. Really, it’s mostly out of curiosity — I can’t help but wonder what kind of BS sob story you’re going to tell me this time. It gives me a small sense of satisfaction to know that I’m the one who’s moved on and that you’re still wishing you hadn’t let me go.
- I’m getting stronger every day. While its entertaining to gloat, it’s a habit I’m determined to stop. I’m done with your nonsense just like you said you were done with me. From now on, when you hear my voice on the other line, it’s going to be the one asking you to leave a message after the tone. But please don’t.
