Opinion: If Sex Is Your Top Priority, You’re Not Ready For Love

Sex is good, and good sex is even better, but it’s far from the most important part of your relationship. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be intimate with your partner, but if that’s always at the forefront of your mind, you’ve got some seriously messed up priorities and it could just ruin your relationship.

  1. Sex doesn’t equal love. Sex and love are not synonymous with each other. Seriously, did you love all your past partners? No. Sex is fun and all, but it doesn’t mean you’re in love. Having it regularly doesn’t equal a healthy, loving relationship, either.
  2. What happens when you can’t do it? You spend the first decade of your relationship banging on every surface you can find. Suddenly, you or your partner has a health condition and sex isn’t an option anymore. Does that mean you should break things off because you’re not having sex? If you say yes, don’t even bother with relationships right now.
  3. Sex is the easy part. Anyone can have sex — having a relationship is the hard part. If all you’re doing is sleeping together, you’re putting off all the other, more important things. Eventually, it’ll catch up to you and no amount of sex will save the relationship.
  4. Long-term relationships need way more than orgasms. There’s a reason that 67 percent of couples in that study ranked communication as most important. Without it, love’s not possible. Love takes compromise, honesty, letting go of your pride sometimes, and trusting each other. Even if you’re a master at the Kama Sutra, all you’ll have is sex unless you do the real work.
  5. Your partner needs more from you. Sex isn’t a substitute for supporting your partner when they’re down or trying out each other’s interests. If you’ve grown up at all, you likely want more from your partner than getting hot and sweaty. That passion will burn out and when it does, what will you be able to give each other then?
  6. Love is rare, sex is everywhere. Love is that thing you see with old couples who’ve been through hell and back, but still can’t stand to be without each other 50 years later. Sex happens all the time, but if it’s not your top priority, you might just get to experience it when you’re in love and that’s worth working for.
  7. Intimacy is what’s important — not sex. It’s true that sex is an intimate experience, but there’s more to intimacy than taking your clothes off. It’s what you do for each other outside of sex and making your partner feel loved, not just satisfied, that’s important. True intimacy comes from complete trust and you don’t get that from sex alone.
  8. You’ll never give a love a chance. If you’re focused on sex, that’s all you’ll care about. The moment it’s not good enough or frequent enough, you’ll leave. You won’t give love a chance because that’s too much work. You’d rather go find someone else and have no strings attached sex.
  9. Life’s going to get in the way. Unless you’re an online sex star, life’s going to get in the way. You’re going to have days when you’re too tired. You might have kids, and it’s not exactly sexy trying to get off with a baby screaming in the next room. If you’re having it daily now, odds are, you’re going to be lucky to have it weekly or even monthly when life gets hard.
  10. If that’s your priority, you’d just cheat anyway. It’s harsh, but true. You don’t let yourself care about anything more than the physical, so if your partner is looking for more, you’re going to get bored. That leads you to start thinking about cheating. For now, keep things casual and avoid being labeled a cheater.
  11. Communication should be your priority. Want to know the secret to keeping a relationship going strong for years? Communication. It’s also how you make sex better, even after sleeping with the same person year after year. Put sex first and you’ll miss out on important conversations. You’ll just assume the best way to end a discussion or a fight is to just screw it out.
  12. You’re missing out on the good stuff. No one can deny that sex is important and it’s a great part of being in a relationship, but what about everything else? What about watching your favorite shows together and debating which character’s best or what should happen next? What about trying each other’s hobbies? What about learning about your partner’s hopes and dreams? See, sex isn’t number one and if you’re looking love, it never should be number one.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.