Sick Of Situationships? This Is The One Thing You Need To Avoid Them For Good

You try to play it casual, but if you’re being real, yeah, you want a boyfriend. You’re not desperate by any means and you’re totally down with the whole “empowered single girl” thing, but time’s a-tickin’, you’re not getting any younger, and you’d like someone to spend your life with. You go into every date (and even dating app convo) with the highest of hopes and best of intentions, but somehow, you always end up in situations instead of relationships — and you’re getting sick of it. It’s time to flip the script, and doing so is as easy as utilizing one simple tool.

  1. Situationships are a pointless purgatory. It’s fine to exist in that sexual no man’s land with a guy when you’re just kinda vibing and don’t know what you want in life and love just yet. However, it gets mighty old when you’ve narrowed down your ideal relationship scenario and find yourself getting nowhere with every dude you date. Situationships suck your time and energy and also keep you from finding a person who might actually be able to give you what you want.
  2. They’re also largely your own doing. We’re all grown women here and I feel like you can handle some serious home truths. This is one of them. It’s natural that you’re sick of situationships, but have you ever stopped to wonder why you keep ending up in them? There’s an old adage about how you get what you accept, and that largely holds true here. Guys who are commitmentphobes, who keep you on the back burner, or who play you hot and cold because they have no idea what they want get away with this behavior because you let them. Once you realize and accept that, you can start doing something about it.
  3. Why do you accept situationships instead of asking for what you want? There are myriad reasons why this happens, and which one(s) apply to you depends on your individual circumstances. However, it could be down to the fact that you the fact that you’re afraid of rocking the boat. He claims he likes how things are going and you don’t want to appear too high-maintenance or demanding by being like, “Uh, I don’t.” Maybe you feel like whatever little bit he’s giving you is better than nothing at all. Or, maybe you simply never learned how to voice your own needs and desires. Either way, you deserve better. You have to go after it.

Sick of situationships? This is what you need to avoid them for good

It all comes down to honesty. Yep, honesty. That means being real with yourself and the guy in question about what’s going on, where things are going (if anywhere at all), and what is and isn’t acceptable. Not sure how to put that into practice? Here are some suggestions.

  1. Take off the rose-colored glasses and really assess the situation. In your mind, you’re already putting this guy in Boyfriendville, USA and are feeling all forlorn because he refuses to put a label on it and avoids any talk of making things official like the plague. But hold up — you’re getting ahead of yourself. Do you even really like this guy? Does he even have the qualities you’re looking for in a long-term partner? Forcing a puzzle piece that doesn’t fit is a pointless exercise and is only selling yourself short.
  2. Speak up. You were blessed with a voice — use it. If you want to know if your situationship is ever going to be anything more, just ask. Let him know what you’re looking for and make it clear that they’re not preferences, they’re requirements. You may feel like you’re forcing his hand a bit, but you probably should. At least you’ll know where you stand. Honesty truly is the best policy here, and that counts for both of you.
  3. Listen to your gut. The poor thing has probably been screaming at you for ages, telling you, “Yo, this sh*t is NOT right, sis” and you’ve been ignoring it. If you’re sick of situationships and don’t want to be in any more, it’s time to start listening to the little voice inside of you telling you that this is just not going to work. It’s not until you listen to your intuition that you’ll truly be living in your truth.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill