I thought my boyfriend was over his ex even though he used to talk about her at times. I didn’t think it was a big deal and considered it pretty normal, in fact. That is until he dumped me so he could get back together with her. Here are the 11 signs I missed.
He got really nostalgic at the mere mention of her name.
Sometimes the nostalgia seemed to overwhelm him for a while. He’d get a bit dreamy-eyed about his previous years, and it did make me nervous that his ex was the highlight of those years he was talking about. Still, I tried to tell myself it was no big deal. Everyone gets nostalgic sometimes, right?
He didn’t even try to reassure me.
I tried to convince myself that his occasional reveries over his ex were nothing to worry about, but it was biting at me all the time. When I asked him if he was nostalgic for her or for his past in general, he didn’t really say much. That was a huge warning sign I chose to ignore.
He was the one who got dumped.
A big sign that he wasn’t really over his ex was that he wasn’t the one who ended things with her. She broke his heart, left him bleeding and raw, and went to chase down another destiny. He never got closure and he made it clear to me he had never wanted to end things with her. Yikes.
He was still friends with her parents.
I couldn’t seem to get why he was still in touch with her parents on Facebook but I told myself it was probably fine. However, then I discovered another huge red flag: my boyfriend was still invited to all of their family events.
His ex was obviously at those events.
He’d been treated so badly by his ex when they broke up (at least according to him) and yet he was still showing face at those events. He made it seem like he was just going there because he was close to her family and their friendships didn’t have to end just because his relationship with her was over. But looking back, he was just going to those gatherings because he wanted to see her.
I wasn’t invited.
He never actually told me he was going to see his ex’s family until after the fact. He mentioned it on one of our dates as a “by the way.” His casual approach put me at ease, so I didn’t even think, “Wait a minute, why wouldn’t he invite me?”
He seemed really angry at her.
A few times when he’d mention his ex, he’d get really mad about how she’d treated him when they were together. I didn’t see this as a red flag because I’ve also got some exes who really hurt me because they were toxic and that pain isn’t always easy to erase. The difference is that I don’t get into a huge fit about it with my face going red and my blood pressure going up. Those things did happen to him. She broke his heart years ago and yet she still had such an effect on him? Damn.
She came up at odd times.
It’s one thing for someone’s ex to come up in conversation when they’re actually talking about previous relationships. It’s quite another thing for her to come up at random and even inappropriate times. For example, I remember once I dyed my hair purple and my boyfriend commented that my ex had the same hair color at one point. Not only that, but he then went into an in-depth explanation about how she loved the color and the brand she used and so on. It’s mentionitis at its worst.
He had memories of her all over.
It’s no problem if a guy has some old photos of his exes, but ideally, they should be stashed away—especially when he gets into a new relationship. This guy had loads of stuff that had belonged to his ex. I once complimented his choice in sofa cushions and found it was actually hers. Her mug was still in the kitchen cabinet and he still had a big album of photos of her on his phone. Ugh, too much!
He never deleted her on social media.
The woman was so mean to him but he still hadn’t deleted her on social media. Yikes. I asked him about this and he said he didn’t think it was a big deal because he wasn’t in touch with many of his friends and followers anyway. He added that he didn’t want to delete her because he was still on very good terms with her family. The problem was, this red flag was causing other problems.
He got annoyed when she started dating someone.
Of course, he didn’t just come out and express being annoyed or angry that he saw on FB that his ex was seeing someone new. No, he told me he saw that she was dating someone new and he was glad that he had dodged a bullet by being dumped by her. This tirade against her went on for an hour, so by the end of it, I couldn’t figure out if he was actually glad or just trying to be glad. I found out the real answer not long after.
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