10 Signs Your Partner Is Selfish When It Comes To Intimacy

It’s important to have a partner who’s on the same page as you in a variety of different ways—especially when it comes to love-making. Unfortunately, though, many people find themselves with incredibly selfish partners. This can take many forms, but on the whole, it’s a blatant disregard of how you feel. This isn’t something that you deserve, so I suggest either remedying it with your partner or saying goodbye. Here are signs that your partner is quite self-centered:

  1. They rush through the beginning stages. Your partner doesn’t savor the moment or slow down enough for you to enjoy it. Instead, they rush through it hoping that they can just get their own needs met. It seems like they’re on a mission to get through it as fast as they possibly can. This leaves things more than blase for you because you want to take time to actually enjoy what’s happening.
  2. Pre-intimacy fun is essentially not a thing. They never go down on you, leaving you feeling like there’s something wrong with you. No way, though, there’s something wrong with your partner if they don’t take the time to treat you how you deserve to be treated. What you deserve is a whole lot of pre-intimacy fun (if you like that, that is).
  3. They don’t make your pleasure a priority. You two fooling around is all about them feeling satisfied, not you. If you ever came first and they didn’t at all they’d probably make a big deal out of it. They’re really selfish, to be frank. Instead of doing what a good partner does, which is make sure you’re getting the attention you need and deserve, they’re keeping the focus on themselves. This is just totally inappropriate and unfair.
  4. They don’t ask you what you like. There isn’t an open line of communication between the two of you. Maybe you ask them about what their needs and wants are but they neglect yours. Good intimacy is supposed to involve a lot of communication, but a partner who only cares about themselves doesn’t participate in this. You really deserve someone who’s going to take the time to learn the ins and outs about you.
  5. They only want you on top. One of the most obvious selfish things is your partner never offering to be on top. Instead, they always want you doing all of the work. This means it’s not totally fun for you (unless you’re into that sort of thing). You don’t get to experience your partner doing some of the work. This could be easily remedied by asking your partner to do their part or by dumping them.
  6. They guilt you into making love. Sometimes you just don’t want to make love. This is a totally normal and human thing – you’re not a machine after all. This should be respected yet your partner tries to guilt trip you into sleeping with them. They’ll say something like “Ugh, you NEVER want to make love.” Even though you know this isn’t true, you sometimes feel bad about yourself.
  7. They aren’t present. Sure, their body’s moving alright, but it’s like their mind is totally elsewhere. They aren’t present at all with you, leaving you feeling like you’re in this alone. Who wouldn’t want to be present during love-making? It’s like the greatest thing ever. But your partner apparently has better things to think about than the lovely partner they’re in bed with.
  8. They’re frustrated if you don’t want to be intimate. They act totally inappropriate when you don’t want to make love. They essentially throw a hissy fit and don’t at all respect your boundaries. Similarly to guilt-tripping, they use their anger to try to manipulate you into changing your mind. This is all wildly unfair; you deserve a partner who’s going to kiss you on the head when you don’t want to make love, not one that’s going to freak out.
  9. They’re never intimate after love-making. It’s like they have a job to do and that’s to get off, nothing else. Maybe they jump out of bed when your intimacy is over or they just aren’t affectionate at all towards you. Either way, this can be incredibly hurtful. You want the normal things that most people want, to be cuddled, kissed, and generally loved on. This is not too much to ask, your partner is just self-centered.
  10. They talk about your intimate life with their friends. This is a total jerk move. They take what’s personal to the two of you and expose it to their friends even though you’d much rather they didn’t. They just want to brag about their awesome intimate life and they don’t want to consider how their actions would affect you. With something as selfish as this, I’d definitely kick your partner to the curb. They don’t deserve you.
Ginelle has been writing professionally for more than six years and has a bachelor’s degree in digital marketing & design. Her writing has appeared on Birdie, Thought Catalog, Tiny Buddha and more. You can follow her on Instagram @ginelletesta, via her Facebook page, or through her website at ginelletesta.com.