You might not be getting physically attacked by your partner, but maybe their words hurt you or you feel like you can’t be yourself around them. Emotional abuse is sometimes difficult to notice because it starts so subtly and can damage your confidence and self-worth before you even realize what’s going on. However, if you notice any of these things happening, you’re in the danger zone.
1. Your partner is targeting your insecurities.
A big part of emotional abuse is about exhibiting control. Your partner might try to get you to do what they want you to by targeting your insecurities so you don’t feel good enough to break out of the box they inevitably put you in. So, for example, if they know you don’t like the way you style your hair or your weight, they’ll point these out all the time. As a result, you’ll feel like you could never do better than them and you’ll stay in a bad situation for way too long.
2. They’re always ready to point out your flaws.
No matter what you do, your partner always finds a way to criticize you and cut you down. This is done to make you feel like a failure so your confidence gets trashed and to put themselves in the power position. In the end, you doubt your own competence and worry that nothing you do will ever be good enough.
3. They publicly put you down as a “joke.”
Check how the person treats you in public. If they love to bring you down in front of your loved ones by “jokingly” making fun of you or bringing up your mistakes, it’s clear they love shaming you. The only things they should ever be saying about you in public should be positive and uplifting. You’re supposed to be on the same team!
4. They call you nasty nicknames.
Instead of terms of endearment, your partner comes up with cruel nicknames to throw your way. Again, they might say it’s just a joke, but it’s not. You might ask them to stop calling you by those names, but they never listen or change. They might even refer to you by these monikers around your loved ones to humiliate you even more.
5. They brush off your opinions and feelings.
Someone who’s emotionally abusive might try to brush off what you think and feel. They do this to invalidate you and make you feel like you’re not as smart as they are. It’s also meant to make you question your ability to think clearly and react to situations appropriately. You’re not the crazy one, they are.
6. They yell at you during fights.
When you confront the person about their behavior, they immediately become enraged and start shouting or even throwing things out of anger. They go from zero to 100 easily, using their scary levels of emotion to control you. They want you to cower from them so they can get their way.
7. Their body language is a put-down.
When talking to this person, watch their body language. To put you down, they might smirk, roll their eyes, or shake their head. This can be done to make you stop talking or to make you feel embarrassed about your opinions. Not only are they not really hearing you out, they’re actually ridiculing you for daring to have feelings. This is textbook emotional abuse.
8. They downplay your achievements.
To bully you, someone who’s emotionally abusive might downplay your success and achievements. They avoid supporting you because they’re insecure. Instead of being happy for you, they just want you to feel bad about yourself or feel like the things you accomplish are really no big deal. (They are, we promise!)
9. They monitor what you do and who you text.
To try to control you, the person might “check up on you” by monitoring your physical whereabouts or texting habits. They might say this is for your own good because they want to keep you safe, but it’s not. It’s about making sure you’re not stepping out of line or doing things they don’t approve of.
10. They tell you what to eat and wear.
Another way in which they might try to control you is by telling you what you should eat and what you should wear. Those little choices are taken away from you, but don’t take them lightly. This behavior is a red flag that the person will control more of your life as time goes on.
11. They have unrealistic expectations.
Emotionally abusive people tend to expect miracles from you. For example, they might expect you to ignore your needs to be there for them 24/7. They want to be the most important person in your life and they don’t care about how much that drains you. This relationship is all about them.
12. They shut down and give you the silent treatment.
When they don’t get their way, an emotionally abusive person will try to make you feel bad by shutting down. They’ll refuse to talk to you for hours or even days, or they’ll leave the room when you start to speak. This usually continues until you back down and concede to doing things their way.
13. They create chaos.
Emotionally abusive people might try to create drama and chaos to throw you off. An example of this is if they have extreme mood swings so you have to walk around on eggshells. They might even start arguments over nothing just to upset your equilibrium and leave you feeling anxious and uncertain. This is not a healthy relationship.
14. They don’t take responsibility for how they hurt you.
When this person hurts you with their offensive remarks or behavior, they never acknowledge it. They might deny that they did what they did (gaslighting alert) or they might blame you by saying you’re being dramatic or that you’re “too sensitive” and it’s not a big deal.
15. They try to prove you wrong.
This person wants to feel superior to you so they’ll always try to one-up you. They’ll prove you wrong and challenge everything you say even when the facts are on your side. This is done to try to make you doubt yourself at every turn so you feel like you’re going crazy.
16. They make you push your family away.
It’s common for emotionally abusive people to pull you away from your loved ones. So, they’ll try to convince you that your family is bad news so you’ll cut ties with them. They want you all to themselves so you can spend all your time with them. In extreme cases, they might hide your phone or car keys so you can’t leave.
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