Signs Your Unicorn Is A Douchebag In Disguise

He seemed like such a great catch and said all the right things, so you were quick to label him your unicorn. Things were better than you ever could have expected for a while, but now he’s not really living up to your fairytale dreams. If you notice any of these signs, you may have an undercover douchebag on your hands:

  1. He’s pressing fast forward on your relationship milestones. Relationships are a marathon, not a sprint. A quality unicorn guy will show you he’s in it for the long haul, not tell you that he is and then act like he just wants to hook up. If he’s constantly trying to push things ahead you might think that’s a good sign that he sees you in his future. And it could be — unless the destination is always the bedroom.
  2. He’s showing the love a little too quickly. How soon should a guy say he loves you? It varies because relationships move at different speeds, but if he’s screaming out the L word when you’re still only getting to know each other, it’s concerning. Makes you wonder what he’s trying to get by saying it so early on.
  3. He’s shady with his closest friends. If he keeps letting his loved ones’ calls go unanswered when he’s with you or moaning about his best friends behind their backs all the time, he doesn’t care about showing you his horrible side. That’s shady AF, and what’s stopping him from doing that sort of bad stuff to you? Soon you won’t be able to reach him on the phone and you’ll remember how he used to ignore calls from others when he was out with you. You’ll be left wondering what he’s doing and with whom.
  4. He was single and desperate AF before you. He might have been single for a while or maybe he went through lots of toxic relationships, so when he tells you how over the moon he is to have you, it might feel really sweet and something a unicorn might say. But if he’s always going on about how he needed to find someone, it makes you wonder if he’s really happy to have found you or if he was just focused on getting together with anyone who showed interest.
  5. He’s jaded about love. He says he loves you, but he’s quite cynical about love in general. When his best mate gets hitched, he comments that the guy’s gone to the dark side. When someone tells him about their new relationship, he rolls his eyes and makes gagging noises. Yeah, really encouraging.
  6. He compares you to his ex all the time. You might think it’s cool that he compares you to his ex and states how you are so much better for him, but don’t let the compliment blind you to the fact that he’s mentioning her all the time. Is he really hating on her so much or could he still have feelings for her? There’s a fine line between love and hate.
  7. He’s always getting undressed. Although he used to tell you how much he wanted to get to know more about your personality, now he’s always about sex. He texts you late at night, not to chat but to booty call you. He always makes comments about your hot body and never anything about your mind. WTF?
  8. He’s all about himself. It started with a few subtle signs that he was selfish, like when he only talks about himself all the time over dinner. Now you can’t really remember when last he asked about your day and actually let you talk about it without interrupting you, checking his appearance on the screen of his iPhone or yawning.
  9. His social media is a playground of naked women. You took a stroll through his Facebook friend list and found loads of profiles with half-naked women in the pics. Surely he knows they’re not real accounts, right? Or is he hoping they are? God, is he actually talking to these bikini-clad women? Ugh. This is not what a guy in a committed relationship should be doing.
  10. He’s allergic to labels. Although he’s always with you and has said you’re in a relationship — heck, he might have even told you he loves you — he’s not going to be introducing you as his GF to his friends and unlike the unicorn, he might even stall making your relationship official. WTF? He’s giving you mixed messages because he’s leading you down the garden path.
  11. He acts like a coward. When you confront him about something, he’s quick to try to distract you from the issue. He hates confrontation, which can be a good thing out in the world — he might avoid things like road rage and picking a fight with a waiter over wild salmon — but if he’s bringing that avoidance into your relationship, it’s not a good sign. What does he have to hide?
  12. He disses women. He’s charming to women, which was one of the things you liked about him, but charm and respect are two different things. Notice how he speaks about women in general. Does he make sexist quips or insulting stereotypical remarks? He’s a player and that discriminatory BS will end up at your door sooner or later.
  13. He’s never wrong. He snagged your interest on your early dates by telling you how responsible and self-critical he is, but he never actually takes any of that responsibility for things he’s done. He’s the guy who’ll try to turn the tables on you in an argument or try to find reasons why everyone else is to blame for his crummy situation. This isn’t your unicorn at all. This is an immature AF guy who needs to grow up.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.