Signs You Might Have An Addictive Personality

An addictive personality isn’t just about drugs or alcohol. It’s a pattern in your brain that makes you prone to forming unhealthy attachments, be it to substances, behaviors, or even people. If any of the following sounds familiar, it’s worth exploring further.

1. You have a hard time saying no, even when it’s harmful.

Whether it’s that extra drink, one more episode when you really should sleep for work, or staying in a relationship that hurts, you struggle with stopping, even when there’s a clear downside. Willpower seems to weaken the more you want something, making it difficult to hit the brakes even when you know you should. Knowing how to say “no” is important to protect yourself, mind and body, Harvard Business Review notes.

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2. “Just one more…” is your constant inner monologue.

One more cookie, one more scroll on social media, one more game. Self-regulation is tough! That nagging voice in your head always wants to indulge a little longer, even when the rational part of you recognizes you’ve probably had enough.

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3. You get intensely fixated on new interests.

Found a new hobby, met a potential love interest, or started a new project? You go all in, with laser-like focus! It dominates your thoughts, time, and maybe even your spending budget. This intensity is intoxicating until the next obsession rolls around, often leaving the old one dropped without a second glance.

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4. You have difficulty handling boredom.

Unscheduled time feels unbearable. You constantly need stimulation, distraction, or something to fill the space in your mind. Inability to simply “be” without reaching for something external to keep you busy is a red flag that you might struggle with internal stillness.

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5. You’ve struggled with multiple addictions, even minor ones.

It’s not about one specific vice. Maybe you kicked smoking but now overspend on online shopping, or struggle with emotional eating. An addictive personality finds new targets, Psychology Today reveals – it’s about the underlying need for a ‘fix’, not the specific thing itself.

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6. You crave intense experiences and dislike routine.

Predictability feels dull and lifeless. You seek out the highs of newness, adrenaline rushes, or the unpredictable drama of complicated relationships. Stability and routine can start to feel suffocating, leaving you craving something, anything, that will shake things up.

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7. You use substances or activities to numb difficult emotions.

Instead of processing sadness, anger, loneliness, or boredom, you instinctively reach for something that will mask the feeling, however temporarily. Avoiding emotional discomfort in the short term makes it harder to develop the skills to cope with difficult emotions in a healthy way in the long run.

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8. You’re an all-or-nothing person.

Moderation isn’t your strong suit. Attempting small changes fails, so you tend to swing between total abstinence and intense indulgence – this applies to eating, work, exercise, relationships… extremes are more your style. Finding that elusive middle ground feels impossible.

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9. You often feel restless, even when things are good.

A constant sense of unease pervades your experience, like something’s missing, or you’re on the verge of the next exciting thing. This dissatisfaction with the present moment can lead to chasing experiences, achievements, or substances that provide temporary relief but never true, lasting fulfillment.

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10. You have a family history of addiction.

While not a guarantee, there’s a genetic component to addiction vulnerability. If you see clear patterns of addiction in your family, it’s worth noting – it doesn’t mean you’re doomed, but that you need to be especially mindful. Being aware of your predisposition empowers you to make conscious choices and seek support if needed.

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11. You’re incredibly impulsive.

Decisions typically get made on a whim, with little thought to consequences? It’s that rush of the moment that drives you, leading to exhilaration in the short term, but sometimes major crashes regarding your finances, relationships, or reputation. Learning to pause before acting can prevent many headaches!

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12. You idealize people or experiences before they’ve earned it.

That new crush is THE ONE. This job is YOUR DREAM. You get swept up in the fantasy, overlooking red flags in favor of the exciting potential you imagine. Unfortunately, this pattern often sets you up for disappointment (and sometimes hurt) when reality inevitably doesn’t match the intense hype.

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13. You have trouble relaxing or fully enjoying quiet moments.

Downtime feels like a waste of time. Your mind races, you have an urge to do something – even just scrolling on your phone. This might show up as fidgeting, needing background noise all the time, or the inability to fully enjoy peaceful settings without feeling an itch for more stimulation.

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14. Your self-worth relies heavily on external validation.

Likes, achievements, what others think of you – all of these disproportionately determine how good you feel. An addictive personality seeks that hit of approval, making you reliant on sources outside yourself for a healthy sense of self-worth. This makes you vulnerable to feeling crushed when external validation dries up.

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15. You frequently self-sabotage when things are going well.

Unconsciously, good things feel scary and unfamiliar. So, you pick a fight, make a reckless choice, or back away from healthy relationships out of a deep-seated fear that it’s “too good to be true” or that you don’t deserve it. This keeps you stuck in a cycle of your own making and prevents true growth.

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16. You’re drawn to extremes or high-risk activities.

Regular life needs a bit of an edge to feel exciting. This might manifest in extreme sports, choosing volatile partners, or seeking out experiences most people would consider way too intense. You crave that rush of adrenaline to feel truly alive and push your perceived limits.

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17. You’re constantly looking for external ways to “fix” yourself.

That perfect diet, purchase, relationship…the thing that’ll finally make you happy and whole. An addictive personality gets stuck seeking outside solutions to internal problems, leading to a frustrating, never-ending chase. True healing comes with inner work, not quick fixes.

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18. You have a hard time forming healthy attachments with people.

You go intense too fast, or stay emotionally distant. Secure bonds feel weird, almost boring compared to the highs and lows of chaotic, unhealthy relationships. Learning to be vulnerable at a gradual pace and choosing reliable, emotionally available partners is key, even if it feels less intoxicating at first.

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Originally from Australia, Emma Mills graduated from the University of Queensland with a dual degree in Philosophy and Applied Linguistics before moving to Los Angeles to become a professional matchmaker (a bit of a shift, obviously). Since 2015, she has helped more than 150 people find lasting love and remains passionate about bringing amazing singletons together.

Emma is also the author of the upcoming Hachette publication, "Off the Beaten Track: Finding Lasting Love in the Least Likely of Places," due out in January 2025.
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