It’s easy to point the finger at your partner when your relationship hits an iceberg of Titanic proportions. Maybe they’re never around or they don’t seem to want to make an effort anymore, but hold up. You have to take a step back from the blame game and look at yourself. What if you’re the one who’s sinking the relationship? It’s a hard pill to swallow, but facing the truth is the only way to deal with this so you can correct your course. Here are 16 honest signs you’re a terrible partner.
1. You Don’t Consider Your Partner’s Perspective.
Whenever you and your partner fight, you experience tunnel vision. You focus on what you think they’ve done wrong without stopping to listen to their perspective on the issue. It’s frustrating for them because they don’t feel heard. If you always think you’re right, they’re automatically wrong, and that’s just not fair.
2. You Leave The Room During Fights.
Another toxic fighting pattern is if you storm out of the room during an argument. You’re basically shutting down the conversation and leaving things unresolved. Your partner feels totally cut off as a result. Sure, sometimes it’s better to take a break when emotions are running high, but if it’s always on your terms, that’s not right.
3. You’re Always Controlling Your Partner.
You want things done your way, so you’re quick to correct your partner on everything, from how they wash the dishes to how they communicate. After spending time with you, your partner probably feels like they’re being treated like a disobedient child. You don’t get to call the shots on everything.
4. You’re All About You.
When speaking to your partner, do you notice them looking a little bored or exhausted? You might assume they’re being negative, but it could be that you’re dominating conversations. Everything’s about you and what you want to talk about. It’s like you’re in a relationship with yourself!
5. You Can’t Stop Lying.
Being a compulsive liar is disrespectful — not to mention that those lies are bound to come out and wreck your partner’s trust in you. While you might think it’s no big deal for you to tell “small white lies”, you’re being rude to your partner and belittling them with your fakery. Just be honest!
6. You’re Guilty Of Micro-Cheating.
You might not have slept with anyone outside of the relationship, but if you’re guilty of micro-cheating behaviors, these are just as bad. If you’re confiding in someone or secretly flirting with people behind your partner’s back, that’s not okay. This will slowly erode trust and destroy your relationship.
7. You Won’t Change Your Relationship Status.
While this might seem like a small issue, it points to a much larger one. Not changing your relationship status on social media tells your partner that you’re not being transparent with them and you don’t want to show the world you’re committed to someone. It’s a sign you’re hiding something. Are you?
8. You Have Unfair Relationship Deal Breakers.
While deal breakers are essential to maintain healthy relationships, if yours are a little unfair on your partner, they should be reconsidered. For example, it’s an unfair deal breaker if you expect your partner to cut out their friends or you demand your partner change their personality. It’s toxic and abusive. If you can’t accept your partner for who they are, you shouldn’t be with them.
9. You Disappear For Days.
According to Upsider Therapy, it’s important to maintain your independence when you’re in a relationship, but this doesn’t mean you should disappear for days without letting your partner know where you are or what you’re up to. It shows your partner that you don’t care about or respect them and indicates that you think you can waltz in and out of their life whenever you want without any consequences.
10. You Think You’re Always Right.
If you think you’re always right, you’re pushing your partner away because you’re making yourself impossible to deal with. If you can’t open yourself to your partner’s opinions and feelings, you end up invalidating them all the time. Nobody’s perfect, and acting like you are isn’t just frustrating — it creates a no-win situation for the other person.
11. You Brush Off Their Feelings.
When your partner tells you they’re feeling sad about something, do you tell them to snap out of it or blame them for being “too sensitive”? This is something a terrible person does. According to Psych Central, if you’re always dismissing your partner’s feelings, they might start to compartmentalize or censor themselves around you because sharing where they’re at just leaves them feeling invalidated and misunderstood.
12. You’re Still Texting Your Ex.
You can’t bring the past into your current relationship — it’s such a betrayal. If you and your ex are platonic friends and you’re open about them with your partner, that’s okay. It’s not okay if you and your partner are still in touch and things are flirtatious between you. If you’re not over your previous relationship, you shouldn’t be in a new one.
13. You’ve Got One Foot Out Of The Relationship.
You’ve been together for months or even years, but you’re still not fully committed. You’re wasting your partner’s time, and for what? If you’re with them even though you’re resisting commitment, it sends the message that you’re just biding your time until something “better” comes along. What’s wrong with you?
14. You’re Ignoring Your Needs.
If you put your partner’s needs ahead of your own, you might think this makes you a good partner, but the opposite is true. You can’t be happy if you’re avoiding what you need to be happy, and this will cause resentment and anxiety in your relationship. You can’t pour from an empty cup, as they say.
15. You Don’t Want To Compromise.
You can’t have a healthy relationship without both partners being willing to meet each other halfway. You have to make some concessions every now and then so that you both get what you want. If you refuse to compromise, your partner’s the one who has to do all the work. It’s not fair and they’re not going to stick around for very long.
16. You Don’t Provide Emotional Support.
You and your partner should rely on each other. You’re supposed to be a team against the world, cheering each other on and backing each other up. If you don’t give your partner emotional support, you’re preventing that closeness. A good partner tries to do what they can to make sure their partner is in a good head and heart space.
