15 Things Your Partner Should Never Say To You Under Any Circumstances

If you’re in a relationship, you probably have a list of dealbreakers in your head, like that you’ll dump the guy’s butt if he cheats on you. But what about the way he talks to you? If he loves and respects you, he’s not going to dish you belittling comments that wreck your confidence and make you feel bad. So, here are 15 things your partner should never say to you. Ever!

1. “You’re Crazy.”

You confront your partner about something they did and they blow you off with, “You’re crazy.” Being told you’re crazy is never okay, no matter what. It’s a sneaky way for your partner to shut you down and make you feel like you really are crazy.

2. “My Ex Would Do That.”

Your partner should never compare you to their exes. That’s just low down and dirty. It’s also unfair if they use their ex in a manipulative way, such as by saying, “My ex would always do that in bed” or “My ex loved hiking.” It’s how they make you feel “less than” for not wanting to do certain things. SMH.

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4. “I’m Not Having This Conversation.”

Okay, we all experience moments during arguments with our partners where we just want to GTFO of the room instead of talk things through. But that’s not fighting fair. if your partner’s always shutting you down or storming off, your fights won’t get resolved. It sends the message that they don’t respect your feelings or the relationship.

5. “My Friends Agree With Me.”

Another toxic fighting style is when your partner drags other people into your argument. So, they might say, “My friends agree with me that you’re being so unreasonable about this” or “My friends wouldn’t put up with this, either!” Wait, are you having a relationship with your partner or all of their friends? This can also be a way for your partner to try to sway you to their opinion by “ganging up” on you. Ugh.

6. “It’s All Your Fault.”

Being blamed for everything that’s wrong in your relationship breaks you down over time. You might feel you can’t walk around comfortably out of fear that your partner’s going to blame you for something else. Nope. Don’t put up with this behavior!

7. “She’s So Silly/Irritating” (To Your Friends)

It’s not just what your partner says to you but what they say to your loved ones when you’re around (or behind your back). So, if you and your BF are hanging with your family or friends and he shares an “amusing” anecdote about how silly/irritating/whatever you are, it’s not cool or funny. It’s downright humiliating.

8. “Don’t Be A Baby.”

Newsflash: crying is empowering! It reduces your stress levels and helps you deal with your feelings so they don’t rule you. Enough with guys who tell you not to be a baby when you get emotional. It’s not your fault that they’ve got issues with expressing their emotions, but you don’t have to deal with this. And, although crying is awesome, your partner shouldn’t make you cry.

9. “You Should Change Your Clothes/Makeup/Hairstyle.”

Your partner should never try to control you, such as by deciding what makeup or clothes you wear, or how you do your hair. That’s your stuff. Also, be warned: if someone you’re dating starts controlling little things, soon they’ll be controlling much more. Don’t let that happen.

10. “This Is Why Your Ex Dumped You.”

In the same way that it’s bad for your partner to compare you to his exes, it’s equally unhealthy AF for him to comment on your previous relationships. For example, if you have a fight and he says, “This is why your ex dumped you – you’re unreasonable” or “Your ex dumped you because you’re crazy.” Ugh, what? This guy’s so out of line! No one should ever try to use your past against you.

11. “I Can’t Live Without You.”

Um, no. Although it might seem romantic for your partner to tell you that they can’t live life without you, it’s actually a warning sign. They’re coming on too strong and basically telling you that you’re their reason for living. Damn, how long before they become controlling and use that as a manipulative tactic, like by playing the victim? Just saying…

12. “We Should Just Break Up!”

During a fight, your partner says, “We should just break up!” Wait, what? Your partner should never threaten to leave the relationship. It plays with your feelings and can make you feel like you can’t trust them. The best answer to this is, “Cool, let’s break up!” Ha, take that, loser.

13. “You’re Overreacting.”

Similar to being told you’re crazy, it sucks being told that you’re overreacting or too sensitive. Wow. When your partner tells you this, they’re basically erasing everything you’ve said and not taking you seriously. They’re undermining your value. It’s so disrespectful because it makes you feel like you can’t express yourself in the relationship.

14. “If You Love Me, You’ll Do It.”

No one should ever hold your love for them to certain conditions, such as by saying, “If you love me, you’ll end your friendships with other men.” Honestly, you don’t have to do anything that doesn’t feel right or allow yourself to be manipulated into doing it regardless of your feelings. Nope, moving on!

15. “Your Friend Is Hot.”

When your partner meets your bestie, you don’t need or want to hear that they think she’s hot. Even if your partner thinks transparency is good, too much of this kind of honesty isn’t necessary. Come on! Even worse, they might be telling you this to belittle you or make you feel you’re not good enough for them. Unbelievable. You can do better.

16. “I Hate Your Parents.”

Maybe your partner doesn’t get along with your parents or other loved ones, but they should make an effort to get along with them because they love you. They don’t have to wear matching sweaters with them, but they should show them some respect. They shouldn’t be talking negatively about your parents to you, because it’s disrespectful to you. Even if you don’t get along with your family, it’s not right for your partner to be mean to them or shame you for being related to them. That’s crossing a line!

Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.