Newsflash: Not all emotional attachments are healthy for you. Just because you and your partner are close or share some good times, that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re in a healthy relationship. If you’re attaching yourself to someone who doesn’t reciprocate your kindness or doesn’t make you feel secure in the relationship, you shouldn’t be giving them your heart, time, and energy. Here are 10 signs that you’re emotionally attached to someone that you shouldn’t be.
1. They Tell You You’ll Be Unhappy Without Them.
Does the person you’re dating tell you that you’re nothing without them or you’ll never find happiness if you walk away? That’s abusive! If you’re severely attached to them, this could make you fear their abandonment. It’s like they thrive on manipulating you, and you’re making them the center of your universe, which really isn’t healthy. It’s time to leave because they’re messing with your head to try to keep you around.
2. They Only Focus On Their Needs.
Being with someone who’s selfish can make your life miserable. They only focus on what they want and what they need. If you talk to them about a problem you’re facing, they’ll shut you down so they can talk to you about their own issues. They do whatever they want and expect you to follow suit. It’s so unfair. You’ll never get heard or your needs met with this person.
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4. They Leave You Guessing.
A healthy attachment to someone makes you feel secure and happy. If you’re always uncertain around your partner or they leave you guessing with their inconsistent messages, you’re no doubt feeling anxious and stressed out. It’s no way to live! Your partner should be consistent and showing you that you’re loved, not messing around with mixed messages.
5. They Threaten To End Things.
It’s manipulative for your partner to threaten to end the relationship and walk away from you, like during a toxic fight. If you already have low self-esteem or fears of abandonment, this can intensify your feelings of uncertainty. It’s not cool! Their threats might make you try to appease them to keep them around. It’s a lot of work for someone who’s playing with your heart.
6. You Feel Drained All The Time.
How you feel when your partner’s not around can tell you a lot about what kind of relationship you’re dealing with. You should feel happy and peaceful. If you’re drained all the time, that’s a red flag that you’re in an unhealthy emotional attachment. The person’s taking too much of your energy and well-being.
7. You Need Their Approval.
Do you hang onto every word they say about you? Do you feel that you need their compliments and praise in order to feel worthy? If you’re allowing yourself to be swayed by their opinions, you’re living for someone else. You’re trying to be someone they want, but you don’t want to live your life trying to impress another person. Your opinions and feelings about yourself matter the most!
8. You Try To Fix Them.
Maybe your partner is perfect, except for how he shouts at you. Or, he’s perfect but he sometimes goes AWOL. You might think you can try to fix them, but you can’t fix anyone except yourself. You’ll spend so much time and energy trying to change him so you can be closer to each other, but it won’t work if he doesn’t feel that he should change to meet you halfway.
9. You Can’t Be Happy Without Them.
When your partner’s around, you feel lost and unhappy. You don’t want to see your friends or chase your passions. You just miss your partner or worry about where they are. You’re anxiously attached to them and it’s wrecking your self-esteem and emotional health. Your relationship should never be everything to you because then you don’t have a life outside of it.
10. You Give Too Much.
If you’re always the one giving in the relationship and your partner just takes all the time, you could feel like the relationship’s unbalanced – um, it’s totally unhealthy. You’re going to give all your resources and get nothing in return, from favors and time to spending all your data on keeping communication going with this person. Um, this doesn’t even feel like a relationship because it’s so one-sided! Come on!
11. You Keep Tabs On Them.
When your partner’s not around, you always check-in with them to see where they are and who they’re with. This is another sign of an anxious attachment that triggers a lot of stress and uncertainty in your relationship. You don’t trust your partner enough to be faithful to you when you’re not around, so you turn yourself into a police officer to try to keep them in line. Woah, it’s a ton of work and for what? You should be with someone who makes you feel you can chill.
