You hold down a job, pay your bills, and are killing it when it comes to “adulting,” but that doesn’t mean your EQ is on point. There are certain signs that your emotional maturity is lagging way behind your actual age. If you relate to any of the following, you’ve definitely got a bit of growing to do.
1. You Lose It When Criticized.
How do you deal when someone criticizes you? If you lack emotional maturity, you might struggle to accept any kind of constructive criticism or feedback. Maybe you lose your cool or get nasty with the other person because you’re so offended by the suggestion that you’re not perfect. (Newsflash: you’re not.) Try to see feedback as a way to grow instead of a reason to feel threatened.
2. You Always Blame Everyone Else.
You lose your job, your partner dumps you, or maybe your friend decides they don’t like you anymore — whatever happens, it’s always someone else’s fault rather than being down to anything you’ve done. It’s time to take some responsibility for your life if you ever want to have a chance of changing things and getting back on track. An emotionally mature adult learns from experiences and owns up to their mistakes. Otherwise, how will they ever learn and grow from them?
3. You Make Decisions On the Fly.
If you’re chronically impulsive, it can prevent you from being thoughtful and reflective before making decisions. You can’t just rush in and not think of the possible consequences of your actions. How do you truly know something’s right for you if you don’t take stock of your feelings beforehand?
4. You don’t know how to communicate effectively.
During times of conflict, you might struggle to communicate effectively with people.. Maybe you lose your temper or resort to name-calling, or maybe you clam up and don’t express how you’re really feeling. Either way, this emotional immaturity is toxic and pushes people away. Try to see other people’s perspectives and focus on improving your relationships instead of trying to win. If you don’t, you’re only going to end up pushing them away.
5. You’re A Commitment-Phobe.
If you can’t commit to anyone you date, you could be emotionally immature. Maybe you’re saddled with fear that keeps you from building emotional intimacy. Focus on positive things commitment can bring to your life, like greater security and stability. Get to the root cause of your commitment issues so you can process and move past them. Don’t let your past keep you shackled there.
6. You Fish For Compliments.
You’re always seeking validation and approval from other people, so you might go fishing for compliments and praise so you feel better about yourself. Focus on your self-worth and what makes you great, so you don’t have to rely on others. Build your self-confidence, such as by learning new skills and achieving your goals.
7. You Don’t Show Empathy.
If you can’t empathize with people, you lack emotional maturity, and that’s a huge turn-off. Try to understand people’s situations and imagine what it’s like to be them during tough times they experience so you can be more supportive. It’s not always about you! A little encouragement and validation can go a long way.
8. You Can’t Deal With Stress.
How you react to stress says a lot about your emotional maturity. If anxiety and stress regularly overwhelm you, even if it’s not stemming from something major that’s happened, you need some healthy coping mechanisms. Try some meditation and positive affirmations to build resilience.
9. You’re A Walking Sob Story.
If you regularly play the victim when life throws you a nasty curveball, you’re not owning your circumstances and growing from them. You’re trying to gain sympathy, but it’s just spreading negativity no one needs. Stop thinking the world’s out to get you and learn from failure. It’s going to make you stronger.
10. You Expect Too Much.
Having too high expectations can be toxic. If they’re unrealistic in your relationships, you’re being led by your emotions too much. You expect your partner to be a mind reader, make you happy every day, and solve your problems, but what are you doing to rescue yourself? That’s where emotional maturity comes in.
11. You’re A Human Mood Ring.
If your mood is all over the place, you could be struggling to regulate your emotions. Take time to explore your feelings and work through them to see what you can learn from them. Find ways to deal with intense reactions, like doing mindfulness exercises or taking time to journal to process your responses before reacting to a situation.
12. You Rely On Others To Make You Happy.
If you think people in your life have to work hard to make you happy, you’re forgetting that happiness is an inside job. Only you can make sure you’re feeling content, but you have to learn about yourself in order to know how to achieve it. Basically, you control if you’re happy or not — that’s the secret emotionally mature people know.
13. You’re Highly Impatient.
Everyone experiences impatient moments, but if you’re always acting out with irritation and a need for immediate gratification, it’s important to find some zen. Realize that things that matter take time to build. Don’t jump out of the car at the slightest bump in the road — stick with your path and see where it takes you.
14. You’re A Bully.
When you don’t get your way, your tendency could be to be mean to people to protect your wn feelings, which can be difficult to deal with, not to mention childish and damaging to your relationships. Try to find ways to make peace with not getting what you want — remember, sometimes it can be a blessing.
15. You Don’t Have Deep Conversations.
If you lack emotional maturity, you might try to keep conversations and interactions with others light and happy. Maybe you laugh about everything or try to distract people from having important and serious conversations. Look, it’s fun to have fun, but it’s not something you can do 24/7. Try to connect with people on a deeper level to build more meaningful relationships.
16. You Can’t Open Up.
You might struggle to express your real feelings to other people because you’re scared of being judged, but having relationships in which you feel safe means having the perfect place to express yourself and be authentic. Greater self-awareness of what you feel is important to nurture regularly. This way, you can let down your guard more easily.
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