You hold down a job, pay your bills, and are killing it when it comes to “adulting,” but that doesn’t mean your EQ is on point. There are signs that your emotional maturity lags way behind your actual age. If you relate to any of the following, you’ve got a bit of growing to do.
1. You Lose It When Criticized
How do you deal with someone criticizing you? If you lack emotional maturity, you might struggle to accept constructive criticism or feedback, according to WebMD. Maybe you lose your cool or get nasty with the other person because you’re offended by the suggestion that you’re not perfect. (Newsflash: you’re not.) Try to see feedback as a way to grow instead of a reason to feel threatened.
2. You Always Blame Everyone Else
You lose your job, your partner dumps you, or maybe your friend decides they don’t like you anymore — whatever happens, it’s always someone else’s fault rather than being down to anything you’ve done. It’s time to take some responsibility for your life if you ever want to have a chance of changing things and getting back on track. An emotionally mature adult learns from experiences and owns up to their mistakes. Otherwise, how will they ever learn and grow from them?
3. You Make Decisions On the Fly
If you’re chronically impulsive, it can prevent you from being thoughtful and reflective before making decisions. You can’t just rush in and not think of the possible consequences of your actions. How do you truly know something’s right for you if you don’t take stock of your feelings beforehand?
4. You Don’t Know How to Communicate Effectively
During times of conflict, you might struggle to communicate effectively with people. Maybe you lose your temper or resort to name-calling, or maybe you clam up and don’t express how you’re really feeling. Either way, this emotional immaturity is toxic and pushes people away. Try to see other people’s perspectives and focus on improving your relationships instead of trying to win. If you don’t, you’ll only end up pushing them away.
5. You’re A Commitment-Phobe
You could be emotionally immature if you can’t commit to anyone you date. Maybe you’re saddled with fear that keeps you from building emotional intimacy. Focus on positive things commitment can bring to your life, like greater security and stability. Get to the root cause of your commitment issues to process and move past them. Don’t let your past keep you shackled there.
6. You Fish For Compliments
You’re always seeking validation and approval from other people, so you might go fishing for compliments and praise to feel better about yourself. Focus on your self-worth and what makes you great so you don’t have to rely on others. Build your self-confidence by learning new skills and achieving your goals.
7. You Don’t Show Empathy
If you can’t empathize with people, you lack emotional maturity, according to American Behavioral Clinics, and that’s a huge turn-off. Try to understand people’s situations and imagine what it’s like to be them during tough times they experience so you can be more supportive. It’s not always about you! A little encouragement and validation can go a long way.
8. You Can’t Deal With Stress
How you react to stress says a lot about your emotional maturity. If anxiety and stress regularly overwhelm you, even if it’s not stemming from something major that’s happened, you need some healthy coping mechanisms. Try some meditation and positive affirmations to build resilience.
9. You’re A Walking Sob Story
If you regularly play the victim when life throws you a nasty curveball, you’re not owning your circumstances and growing from them. You’re trying to gain sympathy, but it’s just spreading negativity no one needs. Stop thinking the world’s out to get you and learn from failure. It’s going to make you stronger.
10. You Expect Too Much
Having too high expectations can be toxic. If they’re unrealistic in your relationships, you’re being led by your emotions too much. You expect your partner to be a mind reader, make you happy every day, and solve your problems, but what are you doing to rescue yourself? That’s where emotional maturity comes in.
11. You’re A Human Mood Ring
If your mood is all over the place, you could struggle to regulate your emotions. Explore your feelings and work through them to see what you can learn from them. Find ways to deal with intense reactions, like doing mindfulness exercises or journaling to process your responses before reacting to a situation.
12. You Rely On Others To Make You Happy.
If you think people in your life have to work hard to make you happy, you forget that happiness is an inside job. Only you can make sure you’re feeling content, but you have to learn about yourself to know how to achieve it. You control if you’re happy — that’s the secret emotionally mature people know.
13. You’re Highly Impatient
Everyone experiences impatience, but if you’re always acting out with irritation and need immediate gratification, it’s essential to find some zen. Realize that things that matter take time to build. Don’t jump out of the car at the slightest bump in the road — stick with your path and see where it takes you.
14. You’re A Bully
When you don’t get your way, you may tend to be mean to people to protect your own feelings. This can be difficult to deal with, not to mention childish and damaging to your relationships. Try to find ways to make peace with not getting what you want—remember, sometimes, it can be a blessing.
15. You Don’t Have Deep Conversations.
If you lack emotional maturity, you might try to keep conversations and interactions with others light and happy. Maybe you laugh about everything or try to distract people from having important and serious conversations. Look, it’s fun to have fun, but it’s not something you can do 24/7. Try to connect with people on a deeper level to build more meaningful relationships.
16. You Can’t Open Up
You might struggle to express your real feelings to others because you’re scared of being judged, but having relationships where you feel safe means having the perfect place to express yourself and be authentic. Greater self-awareness of what you think is important to nurture regularly. This way, you can let down your guard more easily.
