There’s nothing worse than feeling like people treat you unkindly. If you’re someone who always goes the extra mile to be nice to people or your motto is to treat everyone you meet with respect, this can leave you confused and wondering why they’re doing this to you. But usually, the problem rests with them and it’s not about you. Here’s why it feels like everyone is mean to you so you can better understand what’s happening.
1. They’re Wrapped Up In Jealousy.
It might sound trite to say that you’re being treated nastily because the person’s jealous of you, but it’s a possibility. Maybe they’re jealous of how you never give up on your dreams, are popular, or get respected by others. This makes them dish you nasty comments so that they can derail you and bring you back down to earth. They just can’t handle you, babe.
2. They’re Punishing You.
Sometimes, people will be mean to you as a way to punish you for something they think you did wrong. For example, if you’re dating someone who’s a narcissist, they might give you the silent treatment to punish you for telling them how they messed up. Other people might be sarcastic or rude to you to leave you guessing about what you’ve done to upset them. It’s a crappy mind game.
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4. They’re Swamped With Problems.
If the person is usually bubbly and kind, but now they’re carrying a dark cloud around them and becoming snappy, the issue could be that they’re going through a difficult time or they’re having a day that fell straight out of hell. It’s not always easy to snap out of a bad mood when you’re around other people, but it doesn’t give them the right to take it out on you.
5. They’re A Jerk Who Wants Your Attention.
If the person you’re dating is becoming nasty to you, you might wonder what’s going on. Maybe they’re negging you with backhanded compliments to try to get control over you. Or, they’re threatened by you ’cause they’re insecure and trying to hurt you. It’s so crazy! While some people think that backhanded compliments or veiled insults show their interest, they’re just being mean.
6. They Can’t Handle Their Own Emotions.
Some people struggle to regulate their emotions, so they might blow up at you for something minor because they’re like small children walking around in suits. This can also affect how they communicate. They might struggle to communicate clearly and without causing misunderstandings. Dealing with someone who lacks emotional regulation is difficult because you end up walking around on eggshells around them.
7. They Lack Empathy.
Someone who lacks empathy doesn’t understand your feelings, so they might call you “too dramatic” or “too sensitive” without thinking about what it’s doing to your self-esteem. They might also talk over you and make you feel like what you have to say isn’t valuable. Ugh. It’s so difficult to handle them because they can’t put themselves in your shoes, ever.
8. They’re Quick To Become Defensive.
Someone who’s highly defensive might verbally jump at you and be mean without it being about you. They could suffer from previous trauma or hurt that makes them expect others to treat them badly. So, even if you’re nice to them, they misunderstand you and make you feel like you’re the problem.
9. They Take Advantage Of Your Kindness.
If someone’s mean to you, they could be taking advantage of your kindness. They’re a taker, not a giver, and it can make you feel like you’re a walking doormat. Ugh, it’s so disrespectful. But, you might be causing the problem without realizing it, such as if you don’t have firm boundaries in place and people just walk all over you. Try to step back and close the door to people every now and then so they learn better ways to treat you.
10. They Have Trust Issues.
Someone could be mean to you because they’re dealing with their own trust issues. So, the person you’re dating could have trust issues from previous relationships and breakups that cause them to be mean to you. It’s not fair (they need to sort out their own issues, TBH), but it happens. They might be overly critical or suspicious, such as by expecting you to cheat, because they don’t feel safe within themselves.
11. They Think You’re The Toxic One.
It’s a hard pill to swallow, but maybe the other person thinks you’re the one who’s acting shady. And, no shots fired, but maybe you are being a tad toxic? Maybe you’re selfish without realizing how it affects those around you or you don’t take responsibility for your actions. It’s worth taking time to explore your relationship behaviors so you can adjust what’s giving you a bad rep and pushing others away.
