I Don’t Need You To Save Me, I Just Want You To Be There For Me

No matter how tough you are, it can be a struggle to go through difficult times alone. Even if you’re a strong woman who handles problems like a boss, there are some challenges that can seem almost impossible to conquer… before you inevitably conquer them, of course. Look, I’m a badass and I’m not scared of facing any obstacle by myself, but if we’re dating, this is why I need you to stand by my side when the water gets rough:

  1. I’m the hero of my own story. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty good at kicking life’s ass. I’m strong, I’m independent, and more than anything, I know that I can handle whatever is thrown at me. I’ve made it through a lot of crap as a single woman, and I’m not going to suddenly become a damsel in distress just because I’m in a relationship.
  2. …But I enjoy having a sidekick. Batman has Robin, Mermaid Man has Barnacle Boy, and I have you. At least, I hope so. Even though sidekicks rarely do all the work for the hero, they can at least make it easier for them to defeat the bad guys. I know I can get through my problems by myself, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want you by my side to make them more bearable.
  3. I’d do the same for you. What, you thought this was a one-sided deal? If I’m asking you to be there for me when things get tough, you bet your buttocks I’ll be by your side no matter how bad things get. I believe in equal partnerships, so for me, it’s a no-brainer that I’d drop everything to help you out if you were going through a rough time. I’d just hope you’d be willing to do the same for me.
  4. I can deal with this on my own, but I’d prefer not to. If you weren’t around, there’s no doubt in my mind that I’d be able to get through everything anyway. That said, it’s nice to have someone by my side when things are less than ideal. Knowing that there’s a person who will love and support you when all you want to do is give up makes it that much easier to move forward.
  5. I need to know I can be vulnerable around you. It’s hard for me to let down my walls around people, which is one reason why I’m so picky about the people I date. If I’m with you, it’s because I trust you enough to know that you won’t abandon me when I’m not my usual happy, smiling self. Please don’t prove me wrong.
  6. I’m strong on my own, but stronger with you. If I’m the bone, you’re the cast. When I break, I’ll heal on my own, but it will be a far less painful process with your support. Knowing that you’re by my side gives me the extra bit of encouragement I need to get on my feet and carry on. And during times when I feel like I’ll never be able to get back up, that extra bit of support will mean more than you know.
  7. Sometimes, I just want a shoulder to cry on. I don’t need a solution to my problems; I’ll figure that out on my own. What I need more than anything when I’m struggling is someone who gives me what I can’t give myself: a listening ear. Sometimes, I just want to vent or sob my eyeballs out so I can clear my head and pull myself together. If you can be that person for me, I’ll never be able to thank you enough.
  8. I refuse to be with someone who won’t support me through tough times. At this point, I’ve been through enough to know that a guy who thinks I’m too much to deal with when I’m upset is not one worth sticking around for. If you truly want to be with me, you’ll suck it up and make the effort to stand by me even when I’m struggling. If not, I’m not going to waste my time with you.
  9. Just knowing you’re there for you if I need you makes things easier. Even if I don’t need you to physically be there with me while I’m going through some rough crap, the fact that I know I can call you up if I really need to is enough. It’s incredibly calming to know that there’s someone in my life who I’m 100 percent sure has my back, and that alone can be enough to help me square my shoulders and deal with my problems head-on.
  10. I’ll be fine. Really. I know I’m down right now, but no matter what I’m going through, I’ll make it out. I might get a little beat up along the way, and it would be great if you could help me nurse my wounds, but I’m not going to be stuck in this hole of misery for the rest of my life. I know I can deal with anything that gets served to me, and if you’re the type of guy who will help me fight off the bad stuff, I know you’ll be worthy to keep around when things are back to normal.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.