It costs nothing to be nice, but if someone goes way overboard when it comes to so-called kindness, it could be disingenuous. In fact, their politeness is likely masking less than honorable intentions, so beware of people who do these things. They may not always be red flags, but they may indicate something shady going on.
1. They Give Too Many Compliments.
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Imagine a situation where literally everything you do, no matter how small, is met with overwhelming praise. Sure, it feels good at first, but soon you start to wonder if you’re really all that brilliant. These excessive compliments can be a tactic to keep you in a constantly grateful state, making it easier for someone to push their agenda. Genuine appreciation is great, but when it starts feeling like a scene from a sitcom, it might be time to question the intent.
2. They Apologize Excessively.
It’s kind of annoying when people apologize for literally everything even when it’s not their fault. It’s like, “Oops, sorry for the weather being bad today!” These unnecessary apologies can actually be a subtle way of seeking constant reassurance or shifting attention. It creates a dynamic where you’re always comforting them and assuring them they’ve done nothing wrong. It’s clever because who would suspect someone so seemingly self-deprecating of having an ulterior motive?
3. They Give Overly Elaborate Excuses.
Some people just have an excuse for everything, and these elaborate, detailed stories could rival a bestselling novel. It’s entertaining to a point, but then it hits you: this could be a tactic to distract from the real issue. By the time they’re done explaining why they were late, you’ve forgotten what you were even meeting for. It’s a smart way to steer the conversation away from accountability and keep you too amused or confused to probe further. (BTW, if you’re sick of dating people with the qualities on this list, our sister site, Sweetn, can help. They use science and the power of your mind to change your love life in just a few weeks.)
4. They Agree with Literally Everything You Say.
At first, it’s like having your own personal cheerleader, but it soon starts to feel a bit off. This relentless agreement can be a strategy to avoid conflict or to keep you feeling positive towards them. It’s a smooth move because who doesn’t like being agreed with? However, it also means they might be hiding their true opinions or intentions, creating a facade of harmony that’s paper-thin.
5. They Elaborate Unnecessarily.
This one’s a bit tricky. Someone might start explaining things to you in extreme detail even when you didn’t ask. Initially, it seems helpful, like they’re really trying to be clear. But then you realize it’s a way to dominate the conversation and keep you on the receiving end. It’s a clever ploy to maintain control and make it hard for you to get a word in edgewise. Plus, it can be a tactic to make them seem smarter or more important than they actually are.
6. They Always Offer to Help.
They’re always offering assistance, sometimes even before you know you need it. It’s like having a personal assistant you never hired. While it seems like pure kindness, it can also be a way to ingratiate themselves or to keep tabs on your life. It’s a smart strategy to make themselves seem indispensable and to make you feel indebted. After all, how can you be mad at someone who does so much for you?
7. They Display Unwarranted Concern.
There’s a certain charm in having someone show concern for your well-being, but sometimes it crosses a line. Some people use exaggerated worry as a tool to intrude into your personal space. It’s a strategic move to disguise nosiness as care. They’ll ask about your health, your weekend plans, and even your family, all under the guise of caring. This makes it hard to set boundaries since any attempt to do so might seem cold or unappreciative of their “concern.”
8. They Ask For Things Indirectly.
Imagine someone who never asks for anything straight-up. They beat around the bush, hinting and hoping you’ll catch on. It’s a clever way to get what they want without seeming demanding. They might start a conversation about how they love your sweater and casually mention they’ve been looking for one just like it. This indirect approach puts the onus on you to offer help, making it seem like your idea rather than their request.
9. They Have A Selective Memory.
We all forget things now and then, but some people take it to another level. They conveniently “forget” conversations or promises when it suits them, which is a sly tactic to avoid responsibility or to rewrite the narrative in their favor. You might find yourself in a situation where you’re second-guessing your memory, wondering if the conversation really happened the way you remember it.
10. They Have a Weird Over-Interest in Your Life.
There are people who seem excessively interested in the minutiae of your life. They probe into your weekend activities, your family, even your shopping habits. While it might seem like friendly curiosity, it can also be a way to gather information for their own purposes. They create a scenario where you feel heard and valued, but the underlying intent might be to leverage this information in future discussions.
11. They’re Constantly Changing Plans.
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Some people have a habit of frequently changing plans at the last minute, which keeps you on your toes and subtly shifts the power dynamic in their favor. By constantly changing arrangements, they ensure you’re always adapting to their schedule, reinforcing their importance in the relationship. It’s a subtle form of control that often goes unnoticed.
12. They Over-Use Humor.
Humor is great, but in some cases, it’s used as a smokescreen. They might crack jokes incessantly, especially in situations that call for seriousness. This tactic diverts attention from important topics and keeps the conversation light and unthreatening. While it creates a fun and easy-going atmosphere, it can also be a strategic way to avoid deep or meaningful discussions.
13. They Complete Your Thoughts For You.
Some people have a habit of interrupting others mid-sentence. It seems like mere impatience or excitement at first, or like a desire to help you fully express your thoughts and show that they understand and relate. However, this can be a subtle technique to steer the conversation in a direction they prefer. By cutting you off, they control the flow of dialogue, ensuring that their points are heard while yours are often left incomplete. It’s a clever way of dominating discussions without seeming overtly controlling.
14. They Exaggerate Their Listening Skills.
Then there’s the person who seems to hang on to your every word. They nod excessively, make constant eye contact, and react as if what you’re saying is the most fascinating thing they’ve ever heard. This exaggerated level of attentiveness can feel flattering initially. However, it’s usually a tactic to make you feel more open and trusting, encouraging you to share more than you might normally. This could be a strategy to gather information or to make you feel indebted to their apparent understanding and sympathy.
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