Sometimes You Do Have To Change To Be In A Relationship

Sometimes You Do Have To Change To Be In A Relationship ©iStock/AmmentorpDK

“Change” is a pretty loaded concept. We don’t want to be forced into it against our wills, but sometimes it really is exactly what we need. There’s a big difference between being asked to be someone you’re not and growing to embody everything that you can be. Sometimes, you really do need to change to be in a relationship — here’s why:

  1. Change isn’t all bad. You should never stop growing. A stagnant life isn’t much of a life at all, and thereare  things that you can be doing better. When you look back over the past couple years, you’ll probably notice that you’ve changed, and hopefully in good ways. Realistically, you should be changing all the time, relationship or not.
  2. You learn what it means to commit. It doesn’t matter how many relationships you’ve had in the past, you’ve never had the same one twice. Choosing to commit anew to someone is going to create its own unique joys and challenges to be dealt with, and dealing with anything new requires a new outlook.
  3. You have to accept being happy. Happiness is complicated, and sometimes when people don’t have it for a while, they become bitter, jaded, fearful, or just plain over-invested in the small, dark life that unhappiness breeds. So what do you do when something changes overnight and that life raft of impending disaster is gone? Sometimes you have you have to choose happiness. Otherwise, you risk messing up another good thing.
  4. A relationship can put your life into perspective. There’s not a wrong place to be in life since we’re all on different journeys, but sometimes meeting someone who really has their act together can make you realize where you don’t. It’s not that he’s asking you to “grow up” or anything, but sometimes if you choose not to, you lose out on people.
  5. You don’t want to repeat the same mistakes. It’s up to you how many times you have to repeat your mistakes before you learn your lessons, but somewhere inside, you know that certain habits have got to go at this point. Maybe you’ve cheated, lied, or been unreasonably stubborn to try and and control everything, and maybe you’re fine with doing it all again. But some men aren’t interested in playing on either side of those games, and if you want that kind of a man, you have to lose your interest in those games, as well.
  6. You have to be honest with yourself. We all have fears and we all have parts of ourselves that sometimes we’d rather not deal with. But relationships have a way of shining a light on those things, as if the mere presence of another person in our emotional space puts pressure on all the things we’re trying to sit on. Things come up, and when you’re not being honest with yourself, they can come out in strange and sometimes hurtful ways. You probably want to keep that to a minimum when you’re in a relationship.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog