When I Start Dating Someone, I Do All The Things I Shouldn’t — And I Don’t Know How To Stop

I pride myself on being a pretty damn independent woman. I have strong opinions, convictions and ideals. I can’t deny, however, that something in me shifts when I’m no longer single. I change into what feels like a completely different person when I get in a relationship and while I know it’s wrong, I don’t know how to stop.

1. I always swear I won’t change, but I do anyway. Staying consistent is much easier said than done. It’s very easy to assure myself I can stay the same person when I’m single AF for long periods of time. Actually following through with that when I get a partner is a whole different story.
2. I talk about him too much. I’m always single for so long that when I do have a boyfriend, I tend to gush… endlessly. I know it’s silly and immature but I can’t seem to stop. I’m excited and I want the world to know. The problem is that the world usually gets rather annoyed… just like I do when other people don’t shut up about their partners. Ugh.
3. I wait too long and then fall really hard. It’s almost impossible not to change when I jump into relationships so quickly. By the time I find a guy I like, I’ve been waiting so long that I’m horribly impatient to get things going. I get in way too deep, way too soon, and I change before I even realize it.
4. I get a little obsessed. After being alone so long, I have a hard time keeping my cool. I usually love being alone and doing my own thing, but suddenly I want to be with my guy constantly. It’s totally unlike me, and yet I do it every single time.
5. I neglect my friends. I really hate it when my friends disappear into Boyfriend Land, as I call it. I try not to do the same thing, but there are only so many hours in the day. There’s no denying I have less time for my pals when I’m dating. I don’t want it to be that way, but I don’t know what to do about it.
6. I stop talking to my family. I have less free time, and thus less time for phone calls. When I’m single, I talk to my immediate family quite a bit. I guess having a boyfriend fills that conversation void, so I end up leaving them hanging. I know I shouldn’t, but I focus on him and forget all about them sometimes.
7. I let my work suffer. As a freelance creative, it’s essential that I keep to a strict and self-motivated schedule. If I don’t police myself, nothing gets done. I definitely let my boyfriends get in the way of that, even though I know better. I end up wanting to spend all day in bed with him rather than crossing things off my to-do list.
8. I don’t focus on my goals. I’m generally very driven, with a jam-packed schedule. I don’t have time to date… until I fall for a guy. Suddenly I’m prioritizing him over everything else. I can’t seem to figure out how to do both. I tell myself I’ll stop spending so much time with him and do my work instead, but I’d much rather focus on my guy than my career.
9. I start taking a strong interest in his interests. I have a ton of my own hobbies and I acquire new ones all the time. I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to take some interest in a new guy’s activities — after all, it has the potential to expand my world. The problem is that I take on his hobbies even if I don’t really enjoy them. I know it’s dumb and I still do it because I think he’ll like me more.
10. I abandon my own interests. Okay, not entirely, but I do stop taking notice of potential new hobbies if he isn’t interested as well. I also give his hobbies priority over my own because I can spend time with him while I do them. I miss out on a lot of opportunities this way. I know I shouldn’t let my relationship hold me back but I do this every time.
11. I’m distracted by him all the time. Even if I’m not physically with him, I might as well be. What’s the damn point of spending time on my own or with my friends when I’m constantly checking my phone? It’s stupid. I should’ve grown out of these habits by now. I’m never present with others when I’m away from him, and I can’t seem to stop myself.
12. I get jealous and insecure. Obviously when I’m single, I have no need to feel that way. I like to tell myself I’ll be secure enough in a relationship to stop acting like that, but every time I have a boyfriend, I do all the same old sh*t. I want to be confident and trusting but I can’t.
13. I take on all his baggage. It’s much easier to focus on taking care of someone else than taking care of myself. I’ve always been a caretaker by nature. I’m better about it when I’m single, but when I date I always let myself fall into this trap. I’m smarter than that, I swear!
14. I abandon my needs for his. Suddenly my boyfriend is all that matters. His problems become my problems. I would rather help him than focus on what I need from life. I think of it as selfless, but honestly, it’s pretty stupid. I can’t really give someone else love if I’m not loving myself first. I need to learn how to cut it out.
15. I lose my sense of self. In taking on a man, I forget who I really am. Everything becomes affected by the lens of our relationship. I let the way my boyfriend sees me affect the way I see myself. This is an enormous problem for obvious reasons. I have to figure out a way to stop it,  but I never do. The relationship inevitably fails because I can’t stay true to myself.