When I Start Dating Someone, I Do All The Things I Shouldn’t — And I Don’t Know How To Stop

I pride myself on being a pretty damn independent woman. I have strong opinions, convictions and ideals. I can’t deny, however, that something in me shifts when I’m no longer single. I change into what feels like a completely different person when I get in a relationship and while I know it’s wrong, I don’t know how to stop.

  1. I always swear I won’t change, but I do anyway. Staying consistent is much easier said than done. It’s very easy to assure myself I can stay the same person when I’m single AF for long periods of time. Actually following through with that when I get a partner is a whole different story.
  2. I talk about him too much. I’m always single for so long that when I do have a boyfriend, I tend to gush… endlessly. I know it’s silly and immature but I can’t seem to stop. I’m excited and I want the world to know. The problem is that the world usually gets rather annoyed… just like I do when other people don’t shut up about their partners. Ugh.
  3. I wait too long and then fall really hard. It’s almost impossible not to change when I jump into relationships so quickly. By the time I find a guy I like, I’ve been waiting so long that I’m horribly impatient to get things going. I get in way too deep, way too soon, and I change before I even realize it.
  4. I get a little obsessed. After being alone so long, I have a hard time keeping my cool. I usually love being alone and doing my own thing, but suddenly I want to be with my guy constantly. It’s totally unlike me, and yet I do it every single time.
  5. I neglect my friends. I really hate it when my friends disappear into Boyfriend Land, as I call it. I try not to do the same thing, but there are only so many hours in the day. There’s no denying I have less time for my pals when I’m dating. I don’t want it to be that way, but I don’t know what to do about it.
  6. I stop talking to my family. I have less free time, and thus less time for phone calls. When I’m single, I talk to my immediate family quite a bit. I guess having a boyfriend fills that conversation void, so I end up leaving them hanging. I know I shouldn’t, but I focus on him and forget all about them sometimes.
  7. I let my work suffer. As a freelance creative, it’s essential that I keep to a strict and self-motivated schedule. If I don’t police myself, nothing gets done. I definitely let my boyfriends get in the way of that, even though I know better. I end up wanting to spend all day in bed with him rather than crossing things off my to-do list.
  8. I don’t focus on my goals. I’m generally very driven, with a jam-packed schedule. I don’t have time to date… until I fall for a guy. Suddenly I’m prioritizing him over everything else. I can’t seem to figure out how to do both. I tell myself I’ll stop spending so much time with him and do my work instead, but I’d much rather focus on my guy than my career.
  9. I start taking a strong interest in his interests. I have a ton of my own hobbies and I acquire new ones all the time. I don’t think it’s necessarily bad to take some interest in a new guy’s activities — after all, it has the potential to expand my world. The problem is that I take on his hobbies even if I don’t really enjoy them. I know it’s dumb and I still do it because I think he’ll like me more.
  10. I abandon my own interests. Okay, not entirely, but I do stop taking notice of potential new hobbies if he isn’t interested as well. I also give his hobbies priority over my own because I can spend time with him while I do them. I miss out on a lot of opportunities this way. I know I shouldn’t let my relationship hold me back but I do this every time.
  11. I’m distracted by him all the time. Even if I’m not physically with him, I might as well be. What’s the damn point of spending time on my own or with my friends when I’m constantly checking my phone? It’s stupid. I should’ve grown out of these habits by now. I’m never present with others when I’m away from him, and I can’t seem to stop myself.
  12. I get jealous and insecure. Obviously when I’m single, I have no need to feel that way. I like to tell myself I’ll be secure enough in a relationship to stop acting like that, but every time I have a boyfriend, I do all the same old sh*t. I want to be confident and trusting but I can’t.
  13. I take on all his baggage. It’s much easier to focus on taking care of someone else than taking care of myself. I’ve always been a caretaker by nature. I’m better about it when I’m single, but when I date I always let myself fall into this trap. I’m smarter than that, I swear!
  14. I abandon my needs for his. Suddenly my boyfriend is all that matters. His problems become my problems. I would rather help him than focus on what I need from life. I think of it as selfless, but honestly, it’s pretty stupid. I can’t really give someone else love if I’m not loving myself first. I need to learn how to cut it out.
  15. I lose my sense of self. In taking on a man, I forget who I really am. Everything becomes affected by the lens of our relationship. I let the way my boyfriend sees me affect the way I see myself. This is an enormous problem for obvious reasons. I have to figure out a way to stop it,  but I never do. The relationship inevitably fails because I can’t stay true to myself.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She hopes that they resonate with you or at the very least make you chuckle a bit. She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and The Indie Chicks.