We all have those friends who’ve dated literally everyone, so naturally we want their advice on our own dating lives, as well. We’re obsessed with knowing what our guy is thinking before he’s even thought it, why he behaves the way he does, if he likes us, and a million other things — even though there’s literally no one-size-fits-all answer. No offense to your weathered friends, but their advice is not actually helpful. Here’s why you need to stop asking your friends what they think and just go with your gut.
- Not every guy is the same. We all know this, but we assume they all date the same way. They only want a booty call until they’re in their late 20s, they don’t call for three days after a good first date, blah blah blah. Having dated my fair share of men, I can tell you that although there are a few similarities between men, no two dudes approach dating exactly the same.
- Your friends aren’t you. You and your bestie may think you’re exactly the same person, but you really aren’t. The way you interact with people isn’t the same, so the way guys are going to be with her is not necessarily how they’ll be with you. If you want her advice on what shoes to wear with what dress, then go for it, but she shouldn’t be telling you if it’s too soon to sleep with him.
- Only you know the intimate details of your relationships. Sure, you can tell your friends every little detail of your love life, but they aren’t living it — you are. They don’t see how he looks at you when you’re alone at dinner, and they can’t know how cute he is when he looks into your eyes. They also won’t feel that it isn’t working the way that you will in your gut. Spill all the deets to them, but remember that you’re the one dating him.
- They mean well, but… Sometimes when our dating scene doesn’t look the way we want, we subconsciously want everyone else to be miserable, too. It’s not vindictive and it’s not because your friends don’t want you to be happy, but sometimes we give bad advice because we’ve been burned and we’re feeling spiteful. It’s human nature and we sometimes just can’t help ourselves, but take their advice with a grain of salt.
- It’s really not fair to you or your dating prospects. What other people think shouldn’t affect how you choose to behave. It’s not fair to keep seeing him or to dump him purely because your friends think it’s a good idea. Talking it out with them is perfectly acceptable, but they shouldn’t be telling you what to do about it; they should be helping you get to the conclusion yourself.
- You run your own life, so trust yourself. You’re in charge of your own life, so be in charge of your dating, too. If you want things to end up a certain way, then you know what to do to get there. Your girlfriends can totally help you sort it out with lots of wine time, but you need to be the one making the decisions for yourself.
- They haven’t really “been there.” They haven’t been there with your guy in your body. Your friends have been cheated on, dumped, married, divorced, and may even have been through whatever you’re going through, so they can definitely help you get over whatever major suck is happening. However, they can’t decide how to handle it for you.
- You don’t want to regret not trusting yourself. Or worse, blaming them for a decision you made that you can’t take back — then you’ve got a ruined friendship and a ruined relationship. Mom and Dad always said to take responsibility for our actions, and as annoying as they were with that, they were right (damn it). Make the decision yourself and own it like the boss bitch you are.
- You’re brilliant and you can do this! You’re good enough and smart enough and you don’t need someone else to tell you how to do this life thing. You’re going to make mistakes, and keep making them forever. But that’s OK. If we didn’t make mistakes, we’d never find what we really want and what we really don’t. So don’t hesitate and obsess over the details — you’ll make the right decisions for you. And if you don’t, the girls will be there to help you recover.