Texting with a guy before arranging a date is absolutely necessary — after all, you need to know whether you’ll be compatible or not. However, you also need to know when to put down your phone and move into the real world. If you’re constantly talking through a screen with no plans to meet face-to-face in sight, stop. Meet up now or move on.
You’re not getting to know the real person. Online dating can be very misleading, and the connection you think you have with this guy might not actually be real because you can’t actually feel chemistry through a screen. Sure, you’ve seen photos and he seems great. You can talk for hours about any subject and never get bored, and he seems to tick all the boxes. Sorry, but all of this is irrelevant if the connection isn’t there when you come face to face.
You already “know” him too well. First dates are supposed to be about getting to know more about each other, but if you already know the names of his siblings and how he likes his coffee, you may have dived in too quickly. You’ve revealed so much already that you’ll probably run out of things to say in person. Long, awkward silences on a first date are never fun, are they?
It could turn into a textationship. If you’ve been texting every single day for a while now but you still haven’t been on a date, that’s not a good sign. Either he’s really shy and doesn’t want to face rejection, or he’s not looking for anything serious. You need to find out what this guy wants and whether this is really going anywhere. Otherwise, you’ll probably end up being texting buddies for life!
You could be getting your hopes up for nothing. Maybe he’s an amazing texter who never runs out of things to say but in person, he’s incredibly dull and disinterested. The way you communicate through a screen could be totally different from the way you talk in real life, and that’s why you should arrange a date ASAP to find out if he’s really worth your time.
You may judge too harshly. Over text, it’s very easy to take something the wrong way and blow things out of proportion. Periods and short responses don’t necessarily mean the other person is annoyed with you, it could just reflect the way they speak in real life. It’s hard to get a clear understanding of someone without meeting them in person first.
Texting can get boring really quickly. After a while, texting becomes repetitive and boring. You’ve been talking for a few weeks now and there’s still no sign of a date happening. The whole point of striking up a conversation is to hopefully take things to the next level, so what gives? Honestly, at this stage, you have to accept that you could be wasting your time.
Over-texting before the first date could be a red flag. You haven’t even met yet, but he’s blowing up your phone 24/7. He’s asking questions like, “How was your day?” and, “Are you going out tonight?” which sound perfectly innocent and caring, but it could also be an indication of obsessive behavior. Unless he’s asking about your plans because he’s hoping you have none so he can ask you out, it’s a no-go.
You might not be on the same page. Unless you’ve clearly stated what you want out of this, then there’s a good chance that he’s on a totally different page. Texting isn’t “serious” and it can easily be misinterpreted as two people just talking — nothing more, nothing less. You’ve started seeing him as someone who could be a potential boyfriend, but he just sees you as someone he can talk to when he’s bored. See the problem?
There’s more pressure for the first date to be a success. Usually, if you go on a first date with a guy and it doesn’t go well, it’s no big loss. You’ll try again with someone else. But if you’ve built up a strong connection with someone through texting and it doesn’t translate in person, it’s going to be much harder to pick yourself back up and carry on going on dates. It’s a big risk that probably isn’t worth taking.
It’ll hurt more if things don’t work out. Texting is time-consuming and you don’t want to be left feeling extremely down and disappointed when the first date doesn’t live up to those great conversations you had. Despite what you think, you don’t really know this guy. You know the person he portrays himself to be over text, but that person won’t be exactly the same in real life. You have high expectations because you already feel like you know this person inside and out, but you don’t. Keep the texting to a minimum and it’ll work out for the best.
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