Either You Want To Be With Me Or You Don’t — There’s No Gray Area

When it comes to dating and relationships, I’m so sick of living in the in the in-between. I’m done with casual and I’m over almost-relationships — either you want to be with me or you don’t. It really is that simple. Here’s why I refuse to live in the gray area anymore:

  1. I’m not dating just to date. I’m not just trying to pass the time. I wouldn’t rather be with anyone than simply be single. I’m dating because I want to find love. I want to find a best friend, life partner, and a man that I’m absolutely crazy about all rolled into one. If you’re dating just to have a good time, because you’re bored, to get laid or any other reason than to find love, you can count me out.
  2. You’re either interested or you’re not. It really isn’t any more complicated than that. If you don’t like me enough to be with me then it’s pretty damn clear you don’t really like me at all. I’m not going to wait around for a guy to figure out how much he really likes me. If you’re interested, you’ll pursue this relationship to the fullest. If you can’t commit, I can take the hint and move on.
  3. When it’s right, things should progress naturally. I shouldn’t have to beg, plead or even ask a guy just to like me or be with me—you should want to. We should be together because that’s what we both want. If you’re dragging your feet in the mud then this clearly isn’t what you want. I’m not what you want and I don’t want to be with a man who doesn’t want me.
  4. I’m not dealing with your fear of commitment. I don’t want to wait for a man. I don’t want to try to change his mind. I don’t want to help him overcome his fear. All of that sounds way too exhausting and the odds of failure are pretty damn high. If a guy is afraid to commit to me, it’s because he doesn’t really want to be with me. At the end of the day, I’m just not the right girl for him and we both need to accept that.
  5. I don’t do casual dating. I don’t know how I got roped into almost-relationships in the first place but I’m done with them. I’m over relationships that head nowhere. I don’t want to hang out or date multiple people; I want monogamy. I want one man who’s serious about me and only me. I’m done living in the in-between.
  6. It’s time to grow up. I’m looking for a mature guy, and guys who live in the gray area of dating are as immature as it gets. If you can’t handle a real relationship, you’re simply too immature for a girl like me. Casual dating is for people who aren’t mature enough to commit time and energy to a real relationship. Girls might mature faster than boys, but that doesn’t mean I’ll settle for immaturity.
  7. I’m not into hookup culture. Maybe I’m the minority on this issue, but I’m not going to change my mind. No amount of pressure will make me participate in casual sex. I don’t want to be with a guy unless I have real feelings for him and we’ve actually made some sort of commitment. I’m not waiting until marriage, but I’m also not sleeping with a guy who thinks we’re just “casually dating.”
  8. I don’t want to settle. I want a real relationship and I shouldn’t have to settle for something casual when that’s not what I really want. We both deserve to feel happy about the relationship. If I agree to less than commitment, then I’m sacrificing my own happiness for yours. I don’t want to do that for any man. At the end of the day, I have to do what’s best for me and that’s why I refuse to settle for less than I want and deserve.
  9. I’m not going to waste any more time on the wrong guys. The right guy will feel lucky at the chance to be with me. If you want to stay in some casual almost-relationship gray area then you’re officially blowing your shot with me. I don’t have time for guys who aren’t ready for something real. If that sounds like you, then I guess this is goodbye.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has been blogging for over four years and writing her whole life. Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. She enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.