Dating these days is a lot like riding a bike… except the bike is broken. And on fire. And crashing through a clown factory of toxic bachelors. We tend to get so caught up in the thrill of it all that we end up making some pretty poor choices and become hung up on guys who really aren’t worth stressing over. Modern dating has become such a viscous cycle that we often don’t even register a player when he’s blatantly wasting our time. Here’s how to stop pining over the loser guys and hold out for what you actually deserve:
- Stop accepting lazy communication. We all know the girl (or have been the girl) who’s made excuses for guys not texting them back for unnecessarily long periods of time. You’ll try and convince yourself that he must have had a busy day, an emergency, or he lost his phone, but all of these reasons amount to the same thing. He’s not that into you and you’re only wasting your time entertaining the idea of him. Every word wasted on him is worth saving for a guy who won’t hesitate to blow up your phone on a more consistent and eager basis.
- Stop making excuses for guys who are just “soooo busy.” Yes, we’re all busy adults, but why is it okay to keep letting a guy treat you like an option when you’re making him a priority? Waiting around to be summoned by a guy when it’s convenient for him isn’t an act of compromise on your part, it’s allowing him to take advantage of you. Real love is a two-way street so if he’s not willing so give equally as much as you do, cut him loose and move on.
- If he’s not making an effort, make room for a guy who will. When you allow a guy who’s not completely on board with dating you hang around in your life, you’re only blocking the way for an amazing guy to enter the picture. You need to stop convincing yourself that a loser guy will come around when the right guy for you won’t let the chance of having you slip away. Plus, you shouldn’t be hoping and wishing a guy will change for you. Instead, you should be changing directions — away from him.
- Keep doing things for yourself. Sometimes, you can become so consumed and fixated on the idea of making it work with a guy you’re dating that you start to lose yourself in the process. Stop doing this immediately. You had a life before him and if things don’t work out, you’ll have a life after him too. Don’t stop doing your own thing and fulfilling your life in other ways that don’t revolve around love and dating.
- Don’t allow your entire life to revolve around having a guy. A good way to stop obsessing over loser guys is to stop making finding a guy the top priority in your life. You should be the only person that you put on a pedestal until you find someone worthy enough to stand next to you. It might seem like you’re running out of time, but when you really think about it, you’re not. Real love takes time, and for many women, real love takes weeding through a lot of boneheads first to find. Remember that.
- Get off Tinder and other notorious hookup sites. Tinder might work for some people, but let’s be realistic — it’s pretty rare and it becomes rarer by the day as the sh*t show of dating continues to evolve. If you want to find a good and decent guy, you need to open yourself to other more credible sources than dating apps that are notorious for finding an easy hookup. Join a volunteer group or a running club (for example) and stop swimming in the same cesspool of dating options that’s been leading you to the same old loser guys in the first place. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting things to be different.
- Live and breathe your self-worth. You should be the embodiment of self-love and part of owning that concept fully is not allowing jerks and nasty guys take up any ounce of space in your life. Instead of demanding respect, command it by dismissing guys who aren’t treating you right and using your actions as the silent way of saying, “I deserve better than your BS behavior.“
- Stop settling for an “almost” relationship. If you want real and genuine love or a long term relationship, stop allowing yourself to get stuck in grey areas. Stop being afraid to have the talk or to ask a guy where things are going. Be upfront about your relationship goals and if it sends a guy running the opposite direction, he’s doing you a favor. Again, it’s about commanding your self-worth by deciding what you will and won’t allow into your life. The power is all yours.
- Start asking for what you want. You should never be afraid to tame your dreams and aspirations, especially to a guy you’re hoping to build a relationship with. Don’t hesitate to ask for what you want. Admit that you want love. Admit that you want someone special to share your life with. In general, the right people meant for you, will come into your life and stay there no matter what you say so if a guy isn’t up to the standards you have set for yourself, don’t sweat it. Instead, be thankful that you’re not only wasting less and less time with guys who aren’t right for you, but that you’re also getting closer to what you deserve. Hold out for love.