I Stopped Putting Effort Into Dating & It Feels Amazing

I’ve never been someone who needs a boyfriend or even really wants one most of the time. But after being on my own for a while and getting bored with the single lifestyle, I decided to take a stab at this whole dating thing again. Unfortunately, my inspiration was short-lived and made me way more stressed out than fulfilled.

  1. “Putting myself out there” feels so damn forced. I quickly became tired of convincing myself that putting myself out there was necessary or even noble. Dating should involve a little give and take, but when you feel like you’re the only one regularly putting in effort, it’s pretty disheartening. Fighting through the awkwardness of strained conversation and unknown boundaries appears more like work than leisure. I’m more inclined to get to know someone naturally by letting things flow on their own. When I feel like I have to put up a front for someone I barely know, I become tense and uneasy.
  2. There’s always someone who’s more invested. It’s inevitable that one person always feels more strongly about the relationship than the other. Hurt feelings are almost a given in these situations no matter how casual the terms may be. I hate hurting people and I definitely hate when people hurt me, so avoiding this scenario altogether gives me a solid peace of mind.
  3. It takes my focus off of other things. When you start developing feelings for someone, it’s easy to have that person take up a lot of room in your mind. I’ll often find my train of thought drift onto my person of interest instead of concentrating on important matters that need to be taken care of throughout the day. When I’m not able to cross daily tasks off my to-do list, I get restless. Honestly, being anxious just for the sake of dating just isn’t something I’m interested in at the moment.
  4. It’s time-consuming. We’re all busy people with busy lives. Taking the time to entertain another person means less time I’m spending focusing on myself. Not to sound self-centered, but as a young adult, I’m still trying to figure things out. I’m not able to do that if I’m too preoccupied with someone else. When I decided to stop being so generous with the amount of time I was giving to others, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
  5. Small talk irritates me. There’s nothing that bothers me more than chatting about the weather or a local sports team that I probably don’t follow. Shallow topics of conversation really don’t interest me; frankly, they get on my nerves. When you start dating someone new, you don’t really understand each other’s world views or perspectives. Since I’m someone that needs to be intellectually stimulated, I tend to get into the nitty-gritty of sensitive subjects pretty quickly. It’s safe to say that most people can’t appreciate this. Because I have no filter, I’m always walking on eggshells around someone I don’t necessarily care to impress, which is extra annoying.
  6. Everything is done through a screen. There’s no getting around the fact that dating apps are a legitimate way to look for love now, but that doesn’t mean I’m on board with it. I’ve given into the trend and have downloaded a few of these apps for experimental purposes and I wasn’t impressed. Real connections can’t be formed through a smartphone and first impressions are never what they seem online. Plus, constant left-swiping is giving me carpal tunnel.
  7. I have no patience for games. I’m not some 12-year-old school girl plucking petals off flowers trying to figure out if he loves me or loves me not. If a guy is into me, he’ll prove it.. If he doesn’t, that’s his loss. All I know is that I’m definitely done participating in the amount of game playing that goes on these days. I don’t have the endurance to tally up the score of who contacted whom last or whose terms our last encounter was under. It’s emotionally draining and not worth the mental burnout whatsoever.
  8. I don’t want to feel like I’m settling. Let’s say I do continue dating in order to follow the status quo. There’s a good possibility that I could be missing out on finding the true love of my life by forcing relationships with no spark. I honestly believe that love finds you, you don’t find love. Putting pressure on myself to search for something that’s ultimately out of my hands is extremely nerve-wracking.
  9. When it’s right, I’ll know. I’m a firm believer in energy and trusting the vibes I receive from other people. If something is right, there’s no faking it. When I meet the person I’m meant to be with, the connection won’t have to be feigned or labored. In the meantime, why waste my spare minutes worrying about something that will evolve naturally? Instead of stressing about something that may or may not happen, I’d rather live in the moment with a clear head.