It’s time for some tough love.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably on edge, restless, and uneasy. Your heart and gut are at war as you face the reality that you might be in a one-sided relationship. I’ve been there myself — I know how it feels to be the only one giving time, effort, energy, love, and, yes, loyalty. Ouch. Thankfully, I moved on and married a man who values a two-way street.
Today, I’m going to be that friend—the one who loves you enough to share the honest truth. I’m here to rip off the band-aid so you can heal, move on, and find someone who loves you too. Be brave, keep reading, and discover 15 subtle signs you’re in a one-sided relationship:
1. You took “pursuing” them too far.
If you had to practically grovel at their feet for them to date you in the first place, chances are high they were never interested. Playing hard to get is a fun, flirty tactic that is mischievous yet amiable and short-term. It’s not desperate or one-sided.
2. You initiate all the texts and phone calls.
It’s hard to have a two-sided relationship when communication is one-sided. If you initiate all texts and phone calls, especially weeks and months into seeing one another, the other person isn’t interested. It’s not a fun truth, but it’s the only truth. As my mom says, “If they wanted to, they would.”
3. They minimize all conversations.
Not only do you initiate all communication, but they shut it down pretty quickly after it starts. Text replies are one-worded, and they’re quick to close out all phone conversations (if they answer to begin with). It’s like pulling teeth to have them open up about anything, even the simple stuff like work and the weather.
4. They don’t want to meet your family/friends.
In a one-sided relationship, the unenthusiastic party isn’t in it for the long run. Naturally, this means they aren’t interested in meeting your family and hanging around your friends. Getting them to attend a casual dinner with your parents is pretty much impossible. Asking them to be your date at the work Christmas party has you nervous. They’ve made it clear they don’t want to invest in the people you care about.
5. You’ve lost yourself to please them.
iStock/Kiwis
To keep up this exhausting one-sided relationship, you have lost yourself. You have become whoever you thought you needed to be to keep a person who isn’t worth your time. Don’t lose your joy, humor, hope, and trust in humanity over someone who’s too selfish to value you.
6. Their weekends are always packed with plans that don’t include you.
You want to go to the movies with him on Friday night, but he’s already going to the local football game with the guys. You want to do dinner on Saturday night, but she’s already committed to a girls’ night out. It’s healthy to have other friends and spend time with them, but if this is an every-weekend thing, and you never seem to fit into their schedule, take heed.
7. Your hobbies/interests aren’t their priority.
If you love to play paintball and they don’t, then forget it. If they’d rather take a nap than take you to the local college play, just hang it up. If your hobbies or interests are never prioritized, it’s time to move on. You don’t have to have every single thing in common, but the things that matter to you should matter to them. That’s what a relationship is all about.
8. They forget the little details.
If they aren’t willing to play paintball with you, they won’t remember your favorite childhood memory of playing paintball with your dad. If they won’t go to a play with you, there’s no way they’ll remember that Hamlet is your favorite. It hurts to say this, but they forget the little details because they don’t care.
9. Physical intimacy is the only detail they prioritize.
If physical intimacy is all they care about (and the only time you get any affection or attention from them), they don’t care about your heart, soul, and mind. A one-dimensional relationship is a one-sided one. Don’t let jerks use you for your body. You deserve better, friend.
10. They’re constantly short-tempered.
If they don’t actually like you, you easily get on their nerves. You’re less of a romantic partner and more like a younger sibling who’s always their shadow. They are easily annoyed by you, so their temper flares quickly.
11. You’re always afraid of making them upset.
If they’re always hostile, you’re likely always afraid of making them upset. If they act like a ticking timebomb around you, are you willing to stick around for the explosion? It might break your heart to walk away, but it will totally destroy your soul to stay.
12. You’re jealous… for understandable reasons.
It’s not healthy to be jealous and always looking over your shoulder. You shouldn’t have to wonder where they are or what they’re doing because they won’t answer their phone for hours on end. This leads you to believe they’re cheating… for understandable reasons. But if you question them about it, well, there’s that immature temper.
13. Outsiders have warned you about them.
I was warned about the dud I dated. I was warned by guys who knew him in high school. I was warned by his mother! I should’ve taken the humongous hints and left him alone, but I didn’t. And I paid a long, miserable price. Don’t be like me, friend. Wise up. If everyone is telling you that dating someone is a waste of time, listen.
14. Their track record speaks for itself.
If they’ve dated half the county or are known for hopping from one relationship to the next, they aren’t long-term people. They don’t value investing in others for anything outside what they can get. Once they get what they want, they’re gone. Let their track record serve as a warning.
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