Dealing with someone who tries to sabotage you by whatever means necessary is frustrating, hurtful, and unfortunately, it can happen in any part of your life – work, relationships, even within your family. It’s important to protect yourself and push back against this kind of behavior. The first step is recognizing the subtle signs – here’s what to look out for, and how you can effectively handle the situation.
1. They “faintly” praise you.
Backhanded compliments are masked as praise but have a subtle sting to them. Think, “You did well for someone with no experience.” They aim to chip away at your confidence without being obviously rude about it. Notice how their “compliments” make you feel. If they leave you subtly deflated, it’s a red flag.
2. They downplay your accomplishments.
Someone who’s trying to undermine you will attribute your success to dumb luck or minimize your hard work. Their goal is to make you doubt whether you truly deserve your achievements. Don’t let anyone else define your worth or diminish your successes. Celebrate your wins regardless of this person’s attempts to downplay them.
3. They take credit for your work.
They may subtly steal your ideas or hog the spotlight when talking to your boss because they want to ride on your coattails and outshine you. Document your work meticulously – keep emails, records of your contributions, and praise from others. This creates a record you can use to protect yourself if someone tries to claim your work as their own.
4. They spread rumors or gossip about you.
Their goal is to trash your reputation and damage your professional relationships. They might subtly plant seeds of doubt about your character or work ethic to do this, but confront gossip calmly but directly. Don’t engage in the rumor mill yourself – stay as professional as possible and let your work ethic speak for itself.
5. They throw you under the bus.
When things go wrong, they’ll shift the blame entirely onto you, even if it’s a shared responsibility. They want to protect their own reputation at your expense. If you’re unfairly blamed, stand up for yourself calmly. Present the facts, show the receipts, and give your perspective on the situation.
6. They give you the silent treatment.
There’s nothing worse than being ignored, especially when you need information to do your job! That’s just a power play to mess with you. Don’t let them get away with it. Follow up politely, and keep track if they keep ignoring you. If it gets really bad, it’s totally okay to talk to your manager about it.
7. They exclude you from important decisions.
It’s the worst when you’re deliberately left out of important meetings or projects. They’re trying to make you feel less important and keep you out of the loop. Don’t stand for that! Speak up and respectfully ask to be included – explain to them exactly why it would be good for the project to have your input.
8. They micromanage every detail of your work.
It’s super frustrating when someone’s always breathing down your neck at work, picking apart every little thing you do. It’s like they don’t trust you to do anything right! Focus on doing the best job you can and meeting those deadlines. If they still won’t let up, try asking for some specific feedback – like, what exactly you could be doing better.
9. They offer unsolicited (and often unhelpful) criticism.
Their feedback is rarely constructive; it’s actually designed to pick at your flaws and make you feel small rather than to help you grow. If the criticism feels personal or consistently harsh, address it. Calmly explain how it makes you feel and ask for specific, actionable feedback to help you improve.
10. They suddenly become overly friendly.
Has someone who’s usually a jerk suddenly started being super nice to you? Be careful! Sometimes people turn on the charm when they want something from you – they think it’ll make it easier to take advantage of you later. It’s okay to be friendly, but don’t let them knock you off your guard. Keep things professional and don’t forget how they’ve treated you in the past.
11. They’re competitive to an extreme.
Some people can’t handle it when you’re doing well – they have to turn everything into a competition. Don’t get sucked into their game! Focus on your own goals and be happy for other people when they succeed. Their weird jealousy isn’t your problem.
12. They act like they know more than you.
People who like to undermine others love to act like they’re experts on everything, even when they’re totally clueless. It’s all about their ego — they’re trying to make you feel small. Don’t let them get away with it! If they’re spouting nonsense, call them on it. Nicely, but firmly correct them, and back up what you’re saying with actual facts.
13. They withhold information you need.
Some people like to keep you in the dark on purpose. They control what information you get, which makes it way harder for you to do your job well, let alone look good doing it. Don’t let them get away with that! Be proactive about finding out what you need, and don’t be scared to ask questions. Tell them directly what you need to succeed, and don’t settle for anything less!
14. They “joke” at your expense.
Sometimes people try to make you feel bad by hiding their meanness behind “jokes.” But these little digs are meant to hurt, especially if they make fun of you in front of other people. Don’t just laugh it off! Call it out calmly and directly. You could say something like, “Hey, that’s not actually funny. It’s kinda rude and makes me uncomfortable.”
15. Something feels off with them.
You know that feeling when someone just gives you a bad vibe? Listen to that it! If someone constantly makes you feel uncomfortable or puts you down, there’s probably a good reason. Don’t ignore those subtle warnings – your gut is often smarter than you think. Trust yourself, be clear about what you won’t tolerate, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from friends or coworkers you trust.
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