Most relationships end for a reason — you’re not meant to be together and splitting up is for the best. However, there are times when you end things with someone and immediately realize that you made a mistake. Or, maybe it hits you a few months down the line that your last boyfriend was the one that got away. Whatever the situation, you miss him and you want to get back together but you have no idea how to make it happen.
There are plenty of ways to get your boyfriend back, and none of them are particularly complicated. Instead, they’re common sense methods that give you the best chance of a reunion — and a good chance of actually sticking it out this time. If you have your heart set on being a couple again, here’s what you need to do.
1. Do some self-reflection and work on personal growth.
You shouldn’t be thinking of ways to get your ex-boyfriend back until you understand what led to the breakup in the first pace. Was it a one-time event or a culmination of recurring issues? Reflect on your role in the split and identify areas where you can grow, evolve, and make meaningful changes.
It’s important that you don’t simply recognize or acknowledge the problem(s) but actively work on them too. That means being honest with yourself about where things went wrong even if it paints you in a not-so-pretty light. Only then can you start to shift your attitudes and behaviors to one that’s more in line with a happy, healthy relationship.
2. Engage in open and honest communication.
If you’re not already talking to your ex, this is the time to reach out to him. Be honest about the fact that you want to get back together and tell him why you feel that way. Let him know that this isn’t a spur-of-the-moment decision and that you’ve thought about it at length before having this conversation with him.
It’s also important that you listen to his point of view. Depending on what your relationship was like and what caused you to break up, he may not be as immediately open to getting back together for round 2 (or round 200) and may express some anger, hurt, or even ambivalence about getting things another go. Your ex’s feelings are valid, so make sure you hear him out and don’t try to override his feelings.
3. Try couples counseling or therapy.
Professional guidance can help you both navigate the complexities of your emotions and relationship dynamics. One of the best ways to get your ex-boyfriend back into your life and keep him there is by really getting into the nitty-gritty to solve the issues that pushed you apart in the first place. That means you might need outside help to get there.
If your ex is open to the idea of trying again to make things work, consider attending couples therapy to address the root causes of your issues. An objective party can give you new insights and tools to help you confront the problems you had and also equip you with skills and tools to help you navigate issues in the future.
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5. Spend some time apart.
Sometimes, taking a break gives both of you the space to heal and gain perspective. This distance can help you appreciate each other more and decide if reconciliation is the right path. If you just broke up a couple of weeks ago, chances are it’s way too soon to even consider getting back together. Neither of you has had the chance to process what happened. Emotions are likely still running high and what you need now is to go no contact for a while.
How long you need to spend away from one another before considering a reunion depends on the person and the situation — only you can answer that question. However, it’s important that you do step completely away from your ex to reflect on what you’ve been through and how you’re feeling. When you attempt to start again, you want to be on an even keel.
6. Work on reestablishing trust with your ex.
If the trust was broken in your relationship before you split, rebuilding it is paramount and is one of the simplest (and most vital) ways to get your ex-boyfriend back. Be honest, transparent, and consistent in your actions to show him you’re committed to a future together. This is especially important if you cheated on him or betrayed him in another way that left him feeling as if he couldn’t depend on you.
At the same time, this works both ways. You need to be able to trust him too. If you struggle with trust issues and that led to issues in your relationship, you’ll need to deal with the past trauma you’re carrying around that makes it difficult to rely on your partner. Only when you’re ready should you move forward.
7. Find mutual interests and shared hobbies.
Reconnecting over shared hobbies or interests can be a low-pressure way to rebuild your relationship. Whether it’s a class you both enjoyed or a mutual love for video games or anime, these are great ways to reestablish a bond and enjoy each other’s company. These are low-pressure, relaxed activities that should help you slowly but surely get comfortable with one another again without there being high stakes involved.
You could also try new things together that neither of you have before. For instance, maybe you both always talked about going skydiving but never did it. Now, one of you has a birthday coming up and it might be fun to make that dream come true. These experiences help bond you and form memories that will last a lifetime.
8. Apologize for the things you did wrong and forgive your ex for what they’ve done.
If mistakes were made — and the likelihood here is pretty high since no one is perfect — make sure you genuinely apologize. Let him know that you recognize what you did wrong and that you’re sorry for anything that might have hurt him or made him feel less than in any way. Holding your hands up and saying you messed up will go a long way in showing him how you’ve grown.
Similarly, if he’s earnestly apologetic, forgive him. There’s no way you can get your ex-boyfriend back if you don’t let bygones be bygones. And to be honest, if you’re still holding on to baggage from the last time you were in a relationship, why would you even want to get back together?
9. Avoid repeating past mistakes.
It should go without saying that it will mean nothing to get your ex back if you simply fall back into old patterns and behaviors that led you to break up in the first place. Hopefully, you both did the work to identify where the problem areas were and you’ve worked on them enough that they don’t crop up again.
Your relationship should be different this time around if you want it to have a chance of surviving. That means you’ll need to regularly be present and thoughtful about the dynamic between you and readjust if you find yourselves treading down old territory.
10. Take your time when it comes to reestablishing physical intimacy.
As tempting as it is, sleeping with your ex-boyfriend is not at the top of the list of ways to get him back. It might feel good in the moment, but it can do more damage than good in the long run. Physical intimacy is certainly a vital part of your connection, but it shouldn’t be the thing it’s based upon or you’re doomed to feel.
While no one can tell you when the right time is to hop into bed together, try to hold off on doing this until your relationship is back on more solid footing and you’ve dealt with the other, more important issues that contribute to relationship longevity.
11. Set clear boundaries and stick to them.
Outline what’s acceptable and what’s not in your renewed relationship. Clear boundaries prevent misunderstandings and foster mutual respect. This means being upfront and honest about what you didn’t like from your relationship last time and what you won’t accept. If he’s committed to giving things another go, he should respect this.
At the same time, you have to be willing to acknowledge and respect his boundaries, as well. Only when you can trust each other to not cross these lines can you start to build on your connection again.
12. Give him space, but be strategic about it.
Guys want what they can’t have, so make yourself scarce sometimes. While playing games is not the way forward in a mature, adult relationship, it’s a natural fact that people — especially guys — appreciate a bit of distance and space. After all, he needs to see what he’s missing by not being with you, and he can’t do that if you’re always around.
Of course, you don’t want to appear so aloof or disinterested that he assumes you’re not serious about getting back together. Know when to pull away and when to come closer — his behavior can give you clues on the right way to go here. You just have to pay attention.
13. Focus on being his friend rather than trying to be his girlfriend again.
A lot of people believe that a solid friendship is the best basis for a long-term relationship. Instead of trying to think of more ways to get your ex-boyfriend back, focus more on enjoying his company in a platonic way. This forms a more solid foundation for any romance that might come down the line.
This also takes the pressure off of trying to make things work as a couple again and lets things progress naturally. Neither of you wants to feel like you’re forcing things, so be cool with being bros and see where things go.
14. Spend time with other guys and date around if you’re ready.
Again, this isn’t about playing games or messing with his head. This is about you doing your due diligence to make sure getting back together with your ex-boyfriend is the right decision for you. After all, you could be set on a reunion simply because you’re tired of being alone or you miss what’s familiar and easy. Those are very bad reasons to resume a relationship.
If you feel like you’ve processed your experiences from your last relationship, there’s no harm on going on a few dates with different guys to see what’s out there. After all, you might just meet someone you really like and realize that your ex isn’t who you want, after all.
15. Don’t try too hard.
Desperation is not a good look on anyone, so don’t let your desire to get your ex-boyfriend back turn into an obsession. While you obviously need to put in effort if you think he’s the person for you, you don’t want it to become your sole focus or to take over your life. That’s not only unhealthy, it’s off-putting. Try to find a balance here.
16. Figure out if a reunion is really what you want.
Again, it’s possible that you’re only gravitating towards your ex because you were together for a long time and you don’t want to feel like you wasted your time and energy. Or, maybe you hate being on your own and all of your friends are coupled up, so you figure getting back together is a simple way to solve your loneliness. Those are both very bad reasons to reignite the flame.
Do some honest reflection to discover your true motivation for the reunion. Is it really about him or is it more about you? Only after you get real with yourself will you know the right way to go.
17. Continue living your life with or without him.
If he wants to get back together and give things another shot, great. If he doesn’t, your life will (and should) go on and be amazing and fulfilling. Your happiness cannot depend on whether or not this one person is in your life. If he is, that’s amazing — it’s the cherry on top of an already yummy cake. If, however, he’s not on the same page and is moving on without you, you have to be ready to accept that.
One of the best ways to put yourself in that position is by continuing to focus on your solo life without him. Do the things that make you feel good in your own skin, that make you excited about life and what it holds for you. This way, it won’t matter so much what happens with this one particular relationship.
18. Don’t go out of your way to make him jealous.
This is a bad idea and you know it. Not only is it completely immature, it’s usually ineffective and ends up backfiring on people. If you want to date other people while he makes up his mind and you’re on the same page about that, fine. But using other guys to get back at him or thinking it’s going to make him want to swoop you back up is a major mistake.
19. Focus on the big picture.
The big picture here is what you want in life. If you’re picturing a big house with a picket fence and 2.5 kids, that’s fine — but that doesn’t have to happen with this guy. This relationship is not the be all, end all. There are other people out there with whom you’ll gel and have amazing chemistry. Think about where you want to be in 10-20 years and base your decisions on that. You have to see beyond the present moment in order to make clear decisions.
20. Be someone he loves having in his life.
This is the easiest way to get your ex-boyfriend back. Just have fun when you’re with him. Make him laugh, don’t take yourself too seriously, don’t put pressure on things, and relax. Embrace those carefree days from your early relationship and make him remember why he fell for you in the first place. This might be the most effective tip on this list!
Signs your ex-boyfriend will come back to you
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1. You’re in constant communication.
If he’s consistently reaching out, it might indicate lingering feelings. Whether it’s checking up on you or discussing mundane day-to-day topics, it’s a sign he wants to stay connected. After all, if he was totally over you, he wouldn’t have any reason to talk to you so often, would he?
2. He’s open about still having feelings for you.
Transparency about his emotions, especially regarding the relationship, suggests your ex-boyfriend might come back to you. Of course, he might realize that your connection was unhealthy despite his strong feelings for you. However, knowing that he still loves you is half the battle.
3. He’s always reminiscing about the good times.
If he often reminisces about the positive moments you shared, it can be a sign he misses the relationship. After all, you spent a lot of time together and built a million and one memories, so it only makes sense he would feel nostalgic for it.
4. He’s staying single and not interested in dating anyone else.
Not jumping into another relationship might mean your ex is still processing your relationship or hoping for another chance. Of course, it could also mean that he just wants to be single for a while longer and enjoy the bachelor lifestyle. You’d have to look for other clues (or ask him straight up) to know for sure.
5. Your mutual friends mention that he’s missing you.
Sometimes, he might confide in mutual friends. If they hint that he’s regretting the breakup or missing you, it’s a promising sign. It takes a lot for guys to open up and be honest and vulnerable in that way, so he must be really feeling it.
6. He seems to be trying to become a better person.
If he’s making positive changes, especially those you wished for during the relationship, it might indicate his desire to make things right. He knows that he fell short in a lot of ways and wants to be sure that if you get back together, he’ll be able to do things differently this time.
7. He makes himself available to you at all times.
Whenever you need someone to talk to or hang out with, he’s there, showing his continued commitment to being a part of your life. It doesn’t matter how busy he is — he’d still happily drop everything if you wanted or needed him.
8. He tries to initiate new inside jokes or brings up old ones.
Referencing personal moments you both shared signifies he cherishes the bond you had. If you laughed a lot together and were particularly silly and funny, that’s probably something he misses and wants to get back.
9. He’s open about his regrets and accepts responsibility for what he did wrong.
Openly discussing what he wishes he did differently can be a sign he wants to rectify those mistakes. Your ex-boyfriend wants to come back to you and feels bad for the ways in which he felt short as your partner. It’s actually pretty moving.
10. He still makes an effort to stay in touch with your friends or family.
If he still follows your sister on Instagram or he sends your mom a birthday card, he’s clearly not finished with your relationship. He’s trying to stay present in your life, meaning he probably plans on being back in it completely at some point in the near future.
