You might describe yourself as kind or generous, but there’s a thin line between occasionally going out of your way to make other people’s lives easier and being an all-out people-pleaser. If you constantly go the extra mile for everyone to be more liked or respected, even if it makes your day more challenging, you’re probably trying way too hard to please other people, but is it worth it? It could be making you miserable, especially if you identify with any of these 16 signs.
1. You worry about what other people will think.
Your mind always goes to the fear of what others will think or say about you. This pushes you to want to please everyone because you’re desperate to be seen as kind and giving. All that pressure you’re putting on yourself is just making you sick! No one’s going to think you’re a terrible person for not bending over backwards for everyone all the time.
2. You’re always feeling guilty about everything.
You have issues with guilt. If you say “no” to someone’s request for a favor, you beat yourself up all day, thinking you’re a bad friend or partner. Any perceived shortcoming automatically translates to a failure on your behalf — at least in your mind. You’re punishing yourself with guilt, and for what? You can’t be everything for everyone.
3. You say “yes” even when you’re overbooked.
Since you struggle to say “no,” you find yourself saying “yes” to things, even if your schedule doesn’t allow you to add anything extra to it. The result? You’re rushing around, trying to juggle tasks and get-togethers, and you risk burning yourself out. You just need a few minutes to breathe!
4. You’re running out of money for your bills.
You’re extremely generous. If someone needs to borrow money from you, you’ll happily hand it over to them. That’s great, but if it’s happening every month, you could end up without enough money to get by and keep the lights on. It’s not cool! Helping others shouldn’t leave you at a disadvantage.
5. You can’t remember when last you had “me time.”
You need regular time to yourself to be alone with your thoughts and feelings, but if you’re always pleasing other people and it’s making you miserable, chances are you can’t remember when last you had time to yourself and your needs. You’re not keeping up with what you need to be happy.
6. Your mood only improves when others validate you.
When you help a friend and they tell you that you’re an amazing person, you feel like a million bucks! Your confidence increases and you feel good about yourself. But, you’re depending so much on what other people think of you that your positive self-talk doesn’t have the same effect as their opinions.
7. You’re depressed if you get negative feedback.
When someone gives you a negative comment, your confidence evaporates. You might feel you have to work harder to be a better friend, but you’re jumping through so many hoops, it’s not worth it. What about you and what you need? You shouldn’t have to do so much to be loved.
8. You hide your feelings.
Being a people pleaser means you prioritize other people’s feelings over yours. You might feel the pressure to hide what you really feel so you’re not judged or viewed negatively. It’s a lot of stress you’re putting on yourself and bottling up your feelings that will explode.
9. You pretend to be okay.
You also pretend that everything’s fine but you’re turning into a liar around your loved ones. So, when someone asks you if it’s okay for them to use your car, you say it’s great — even though it’s totally going to mess up your day. Your chronic people-pleasing is bringing drama into your life.
10. You beat yourself up for “mistakes.”
Here’s a fact: you can’t always make everyone happy. Despite your best efforts, people in your life might not be happy about what you’ve done to help them. This can be unnerving because you’ve tried so hard! You might beat yourself up and criticize yourself for not being “perfect.”
11. You agree with everyone, even if you disagree.
Since you hide your real feelings, you also keep your opinions under wraps. If your friends want to go hiking, you’ll agree even if you hate it. Similarly, if everyone loves the Italian food from the local restaurant but you dislike it, you’ll still pretend it’s cool. You do this to be accepted, but you’re being accepted for someone you’re not.
12. You don’t get the love you want in return.
You’re trying hard to please others because you’re looking for love, but sometimes you won’t get the same affection and love in return. So, you give and give of yourself, and you don’t get your cup filled. It sucks and leaves you feeling even emptier than before.
13. You go with the flow to avoid arguments.
You have a fear of rocking the boat. You don’t want to upset anyone and you’re afraid of confrontation, but trying to maintain other people’s moods isn’t your responsibility. You’re taking on so much and trying to keep the peace, but at what cost?
14. You feel pressure to be nice all the time.
It’s not easy to be the nice one all the time. It’s stressful, especially if people tend to take advantage of your goodness. Maybe some people try to guilt-trip you into doing what they want or they expect you to give all your resources to prove your love. It’s draining and unfair.
15. Your stress is through the roof.
It’s impossible to stay calm when your chronic people-pleasing ways are interfering with your life to such a great extent. Chances are, you regularly feel stressed out about not being perfect and helping other people while still staying on track with your daily tasks and goals. It’s too much!
16. You’ve lost touch with yourself.
Focusing so much on other people can cause you to lose yourself. You might not even know what you want anymore or who you are, because you’re trying so hard to be what you think others need. It’s time to break the cycle and put yourself first for a change. It’s the only way you’ll be happy and be surrounded by people who respect you.
Enjoyed this piece? Give us a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
