So many people think before they speak, and that leaves a lot of other people feeling misunderstood, unheard, dismissed, and actually kind of annoyed. You might say certain things without realizing the effect they’re having on other people, and what you dismiss as being no big deal could actually be a massive one to some. Thankfully, those with emotional intelligence know that these phrases are pretty much off-limits.
1. “You’re way too sensitive.”
Is it possible that the person you’re talking to is making it way deeper than it is? Sure. Is accusing them of being “too sensitive” going to suddenly make them come to their senses and be like, “OMG you’re so right, silly me! It’s totally fine now!”? Obviously not. This phrase is belittling, dismissive, and basically shows that you’re not willing to take accountability for your actions. Emotionally intelligent people find better ways to express the intent of this phrase, which is usually something along the lines of, “I didn’t realize you would take it so hard. I’m really sorry that I’ve upset you.” Was that so hard?
2. “Just get over it.”
Ah yes, that wonderful trick in life of telling someone to “get over” something and it magically working. Cool, cool. If someone is upset, angry, hurt, or scared about something, dismissing it by acting like they can simply choose not to feel that way anymore is pretty clueless. Life doesn’t work like that (but wouldn’t it be great if it did?) and treating people as if it does is really short-sighted and kinda mean.
3. “Stop being so dramatic.”
Obviously, there are times when this feels warranted. If you’re dealing with a self-centered person who’s turning what’s clearly a very normal situation into their own personal Oscar-winning drama, you’re going to want to pull a Joey Gladstone and tell them to cut. it. out. That being said, emotionally intelligent people have the smarts to realize that telling someone in a heightened state of emotion to “stop” is likely going to have the complete opposite effect. You’re not just wasting your time, you’re potentially asking for things to get even worse.
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5. “I told you so.”
Nothing makes a person sound more insufferably smug than “I told you so.” Whether or not you did warn or advise someone on a certain situation prior and it came to pass in the end kinda doesn’t matter. Sure, feel vindicated internally, by what’s the actual point of rubbing an unfortunate outcome in someone’s face? Do you actually like kicking people while they’re down? (If so, gross.) Instead of trying to make yourself feel superior
6. “It’s really not a big deal.”
Sure, maybe not to you, but to someone else, it might be! Emotionally intelligent people know that writing other people’s feelings off by basically insisting that their opinion is the be-all, end-all over others’ is not a good look and definitely not something you should ever do. You’re not going to convince someone else that something that matters to them doesn’t really and that they’re in some way delusional.
7. “Toughen up.”
First of all, people are allowed to not be strong all the time. We’re human beings, and sometimes we feel overwhelmed or sad or scared or a million other things, and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean we’re not going to get up and get on with it in the end, but we sometimes need a bit to admit that we’re not fine right now. Telling someone to “toughen up” because they’re not hard-faced all the time is reductive and actually makes you look like a jerk.
8. “That’s not my problem.”
Maybe it isn’t your problem, but emotionally intelligent people will try to help anyway — not to the detriment of their own well-being but as much as they can within their means. That’s because they have empathy and compassion for others and realize sometimes it’s nice just to be nice and cut people some slack. Is it really so hard?
9. “You’re just being difficult.”
Again, maybe the other person is being difficult, but they’re not going to suddenly stop because you point it out. In these situations, either tell the person that you’d prefer to wait until they’re feeling a bit less heightened in order to have a logical discussion, or simply exit the situation as much as possible. Don’t make things even worse by starting to hurl accusations. It will get you nowhere and you’ll never win.
