Confidence is often seen as a magic ingredient for success – the people who have it seem to breeze through life, while many of us struggle to muster even a sliver. However, maybe that’s because our ideas about confidence are actually pretty deeply flawed. These myths about self-assurance are not only untrue, they can be self-limiting and keep you from feeling good in your own skin.
1. Confident people are fearless.
Feeling fear and acting confidently aren’t mutually exclusive. Courage isn’t about the absence of fear, it’s about pushing forward despite it. Confident people acknowledge their nerves and doubts but don’t let those feelings stop them from taking calculated risks, speaking up, or trying new things.
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2. Confidence means never feeling insecure.
Even the most outwardly confident people have insecurities, per Psychology Today. Confidence isn’t about erasing self-doubt, it’s about not letting it control you. It’s choosing to focus on your strengths while working on your weaknesses and believing in your ability to learn, grow, and face challenges.
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3. Confidence looks the same on everyone.
We often associate confidence with being loud and extroverted, but true confidence comes in many forms. Introverts can be super confident in a quiet, focused way. Confidence is about knowing your strengths and weaknesses and carrying yourself with self-assurance, regardless of whether you’re the center of attention or quietly doing your own thing.
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4. You’re either born confident or you’re not.
While some people may be naturally more outgoing, confidence is something that can be developed and strengthened. It requires practice, a willingness to step outside your comfort zone, and a shift in mindset. Anyone can build their confidence with self-reflection, facing small challenges gradually, and focusing on celebrating their wins, no matter how small.
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5. Confidence is about faking it ’til you make it.
While there’s some level of truth to this, bluffing your way through with forced bravado can backfire. True confidence has a grounded, authentic quality. Instead of pretending to be fearless, focus on building competence in areas that matter to you. As your knowledge and skills grow, your confidence will naturally follow.
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6. Arrogance is a sign of confidence.
There’s a thin line between confidence and cockiness. Confident people believe in themselves without feeling the need to put other people down. They celebrate their successes but also acknowledge that everyone has room to grow. Arrogance often stems from masking deep insecurity, while true confidence is rooted in self-respect and a respect for everyone.
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7. Failure is the enemy of confidence.
Setbacks and failures are an inevitable part of life. Confident people don’t avoid failure; they embrace it as an opportunity to learn and become more resilient. Instead of internalizing mistakes as personal failings, they focus on what they can control and what lessons they can take away from the experience.
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8. Confident people never need validation.
It’s human nature to want positive feedback and recognition. Confident people value their own opinions of themselves above all, but that doesn’t mean they don’t care about or totally shun external validation. They appreciate genuine compliments and praise without letting them entirely define their self-worth or becoming overly dependent on them.
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9. Confident people always say “yes.”
Part of being confident is knowing your limits and recognizing what aligns with your priorities. Saying “no” to protect your time, energy, or well-being isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of self-respect and understanding what truly matters to you.
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10. Confidence means never asking for help.
Confident people know when they’re out of their depth and are secure enough to ask for help when needed. They view seeking guidance or collaboration as a sign of strength and a willingness to learn, not a failure of their own abilities.
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11. Confident people don’t compare themselves to anyone else.
Everyone compares themselves to other people from time to time — it’s natural. The difference is that confident people don’t get stuck in the comparison trap, BetterHelp explains. They use other people’s successes as inspiration, not as a measure of their own self-worth. They focus on their own journey and celebrate progress, rather than constantly looking over their shoulder at everyone else.
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12. Confidence is a constant state of being.
Confidence fluctuates. Some days you feel on top of the world, others you have to dig a little deeper. Just because your confidence falters in a specific situation or moment doesn’t mean you’re a failure. Be kind to yourself in those moments, and focus on building long-term self-trust through small wins and self-reflection rather than expecting constant perfection.
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13. You need to be an expert to be confident.
You don’t have to be the absolute best at something to have confidence in your skills or knowledge. Confidence can come from a growth mindset, recognizing that you’re constantly learning and improving. Enthusiasm and a passionate desire to continue getting better often outweighs being a long-established guru.
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14. Confidence requires changing your personality.
You don’t need to transform into an extroverted, thrill-seeking, risk-taker to gain confidence. It’s about finding your own authentic expression of self-assurance and building on strengths that are already within you. A quiet person focused on honing their craft can exude just as much confidence as their more outgoing counterparts.
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15. Confident people never feel awkward or embarrassed.
Confident people, like everyone else, have awkward moments, make mistakes, and occasionally feel embarrassed. The difference is, they don’t let those moments define them. They can laugh at themselves, learn from the situation, and move forward without dwelling in excessive self-criticism.
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16. Confidence is about being perfect.
True confidence is about embracing your imperfections. It’s about owning your quirks, accepting your flaws as part of the human experience, and loving yourself as a whole, messy, perfectly imperfect person. It’s knowing you’re worthy of good things, even when you stumble or fall short of unrealistic expectations.
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