11 Things That Happen When You’re Not A Hookup Girl

Being a relationship girl in a hookup world can be downright frustrating. It’s hard to navigate today’s dating scene when your romantic expectations don’t match up with everyone else’s. If you’re the type of woman who prefers the real thing to a casual fling, you can probably relate to these things:

  1. Tinder really is a nightmare. The convenience of the app combined with the prospect of finding love is what initially drew you in, but there’s no denying Tinder seems to have a very low percentage of quality relationship material. Most of the messages you get are all about sex. It’s like the creeps have taken over mankind — or at least online dating.
  2. You don’t keep it casual. You’re all for taking things slow, but you don’t do casual. If he’s not interested in a real relationship, then you’re not interested in him. You’re looking for love, and he’s just looking to hook up. Keeping it casual means a fear of commitment, and that’s a deal-breaker for you.
  3. Even if you’re not exclusive, you don’t date other people. It’s not even a rule you have to set for yourself; you’re just interested in one man at a time. If you don’t like him enough to date only him, then you obviously don’t like him enough to be in a relationship. You know what you like, and when you find it, you’re satisfied because one man is more than enough.
  4. You want sex to mean something. Meaningless sex just isn’t for you. You don’t care what other girls do or what guys want; this is your life, and you’re going to live it the way you choose. Sex isn’t something you take lightly. If a guy doesn’t mean more to you than a good time, then sex is 100 percent off the table.
  5. You feel like part of the minority. Sex has become so casual that when you’re someone who still takes it seriously, it can make you feel utterly alone. You don’t judge other people for their sex lives; you just wish there were more daters like you in the game. It’s harder and harder to find guys who’d wait for you when they can easily get sex almost anywhere else.
  6. If you don’t feel a spark, you don’t stick around. You want more than just a little fun. So if you don’t feel something special, what’s the point of continuing the relationship? You know almost instantly whether you’d like to continue things, and if you’re only attracted to his looks and not his mind, it doesn’t take long for your interest to fade away.
  7. Commitment is everything. If he’s not committing, you’re not hooking up. It’s that simple. You’re not going to give away the goods for free, because you’re more than just a hot bod. If a man can’t see that, then you won’t waste another second trying to convince him otherwise. It’s all or nothing, and you won’t compromise your own beliefs just to land a guy.
  8. You understand that if you’re not worth the wait, he’s not worthy of you. There will always be guys who refuse to wait to get laid. They’re not interested in the girls who want love first and sex later. They want to take you for a “test drive” before they make any sort of commitment. The rejection when you don’t give them what they want can hurt like hell, but eventually, you realize that guys who don’t think you’re worth the wait don’t deserve your time.
  9. Sex and love become one and the same. For you, there’s no sex without feelings. The two are irrevocably connected. Some guys can’t handle that, and those guys just aren’t for you. You don’t want to just have sex — you want to make love. That might sound lame to some, but it’s the truth, and you refuse to be ashamed of what you want.
  10. You’re either single or in a relationship with no in-between. You’ll go out on dates, but almost relationships don’t exist in your life. You’re either all-in, or you’re out. Hooking up just isn’t a part of how you handle dating, because in your opinion, an almost relationship with sex is the equivalent of being hookup buddies.
  11. Modern dating is a total disaster. You want love, romance, and a guy who’s going to sweep you off your feet. That’s pretty hard to find in modern dating, though. Forget phone calls: guys these days can’t even be bothered to TEXT you back. Breakups are done via social media or even silence if a guy decides to ghost you. You were made to be wooed, but today, it’s all about the hookup, and romance is left at the door.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.