Breakups are brutal. When someone’s heart is hurting, the last thing they need is unhelpful advice or insensitive remarks. Even with the best possible intentions, it’s easy to accidentally say the wrong thing. Here’s a list of phrases to avoid when trying to comfort your heartbroken friend.
1. “You’ll find someone better.”
Yikes! Right now, they probably can’t imagine loving anyone ever again. This comment totally ignores their pain and makes them feel like their ex is easily replaceable. Instead, focus on how loved they are by you and others who care about them – that kind of support is way more helpful right now.
2. “It’s for the best.”
Maybe someday they’ll see it this way, but immediately after a breakup, it definitely doesn’t help. It’s dismissive of their current emotional turmoil. It’s okay to acknowledge that things suck right now, even if there’s a potential silver lining down the road.
3. “At least you didn’t get married/have kids with them.”
Don’t compare their pain to anyone else’s. Breakups suck all around, and minimizing their heartbreak by comparing it to something worse is just not helpful. Focus on validating their feelings, not making them feel like they should be grateful it wasn’t worse.
4. “Just get over it already.”
Grief doesn’t follow a timetable. Everyone heals at their own pace, and telling them to speed it up will only create guilt and self-doubt for feeling sad. Let them know it’s okay to be sad, to take their time – and that you’ll be there through all the messy stages of healing.
5. “There are plenty of fish in teh sea.”
They’re not ready to date again! This saying isn’t just cliche, it’s flippant and completely disregards the genuine connection they had with their ex, even if the relationship wasn’t ultimately meant to be. Try saying something like, “Breakups are the worst. I’m here to listen if you want to vent about how much they suck.”
6. “I never liked them anyway.”
Even if it’s true, trash-talking the ex right now is more hurtful than helpful. They need time to process their emotions, and negativity about their ex only complicates the process. Let them vent if they need to, without you piling on. Remember, they might still have some love for their ex, even if things ended badly.
7. “It’s not you, it’s them.”
Let’s be real, when someone is hurting, those overused breakup phrases just sting extra. They need genuine empathy, not a rehearsed line. Instead, try something like, “This must be so painful, I’m so sorry you’re going through this.”
8. “Time heals all wounds.”
While technically true, it definitely doesn’t offer any comfort in the moment. They need to feel the pain to process it, not wait for time to magically erase it. Remind them that healing isn’t a straightforward process and that some days will be rougher than others, and that’s okay.
9. “You need a distraction.”
Maybe eventually, but in the early days, they need to feel their feelings. Forcing distractions can feel like an attempt to sweep their pain under the rug. Suggest a low-key hangout instead – sometimes just having a comforting presence nearby is support enough.
10. “You should just go out and have fun!”
They probably won’t feel like having fun for a while. Forcing them to fake happiness doesn’t allow them to fully work through their grief. Offer to join them for a chill night in instead – sometimes a cozy movie and their favorite snacks can be more comforting than a wild night out.
11. “They weren’t worth it.”
Even if there were issues in the relationship, they likely still have love for their ex. Belittling their former partner invalidates the positive memories they had and everything they built together while they were in a relationship. Acknowledge that they loved this person, and losing that love hurts, regardless of the circumstances.
12. “I told you so.”
Resist the urge to be right, even if you saw the breakup coming. They feel bad enough already – there’s no need to rub salt in the wound. Be a source of support, not smugness. It’s really not helpful and makes you a really toxic friend.
13. Anything about your own amazing relationship
Now is not the time to brag about your perfect partner or lovey-dovey couple adventures. It’ll just make them feel worse by comparison. Focus on them, offering a listening ear and a distraction-free space to process their feelings.
14. Gossip about their ex
You might be tempted to dish the dirt, but unless there’s potential danger involved, it’s best to let your friend discover the post-breakup reality on their own. Stirring up drama won’t aid their healing. Offer support in dealing with practicalities the breakup caused (shared apartment, etc.), but avoid fueling any unnecessary fire.
15. “My breakup was so much worse…”
No pain Olympics! Trying to one-up your friend’s heartbreak is super unhelpful. Everyone’s experience is valid, and their suffering isn’t lessened by your past experiences. Instead of comparing, focus on listening and offering support. Let your friend know you’re there for them without judgment. Sometimes, the best thing you can do is simply be present and offer a shoulder to cry on.
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