Whether it’s been a day or a decade after a rough breakup, it’s no surprise that there might still be some lingering sentimental or bitter feelings left over. Getting the urge to text your ex is anything but abnormal, but before you hit that “send” button, ask yourself if it’s really worth sacrificing your dignity to send one of these messages:
- “Hi” followed by “Whoops, wrong person haha.” Yep, the classic “accidental” attention grabber. We’ve all had someone try this on us, and we’ve all seen right through it, but sometimes, it’s still kind of tempting to send this to an ex just to remind him that you still exist. It would also be an easy way to throw it in his face that you don’t ACTUALLY have any interest in speaking to him. Seriously, though, this text is so transparent, and sending it is just going to make you look desperate.
- “My new boyfriend is literally ten times the human being you could ever be.” Even if this is true, actually saying this is just going to make it look like your new relationship is already on the rocks. Still, it’s so tempting to bombard your scummy ex with pictures of your super hot boyfriend (who, by the way, is a doctor and saves kittens in his spare time) so he feels even worse for letting you go.
- “What does she have that I didn’t?” There is no doubt in my mind that you are a beautiful, flawless human being, so it’s reasonable that you’d be confused when your ex dumped you and subsequently found someone else who he seems to like a lot. I know your mind wants to scream this question, but actually writing it out and sending it is definitely just going to make you look like a crazy ex.
- “I miss you.” Those three words would be so easy to type out, and if you want to write them out before immediately deleting them, feel free to do so. But please don’t actually send this message. I know how tough it is when you still haven’t quite gotten over a guy yet, but when you send a message like this, it’s basically letting him know that he won. Let him miss YOU.
- “Are you sure we can’t make this work?” There is no “what might have been.” This reality IS what might have been, and it’s over. Sending this text immediately makes you the person clinging to something that’s long gone, and that’s not worth the 0.01 percent chance that they’ll message you back with a “maybe.”
- “Just wanted to let you know I got my dream job and my dream man and my dream haircut and…” When life gets that much better after you break up with a douchebag, it’s not surprising that you might want to throw it in his face. Really, though, all this would suggest is that you’re not as happy with your new and improved life as your message implies. The best revenge might be living well, but living well and not having to throw it in your ex’s face because you don’t care about him at all is even better.
- “I passed by our favorite coffee shop today and thought of you!” We all get these little reminders of past relationships as we go about our daily lives, and so it’s no wonder when we want to share those moments with the person who was with us when those memories were created. But passing on those sentimental feelings to your ex isn’t going to do either of you any favors.
- “Friendly reminder that I’m fifty shades of over you.” Man, that feeling when you no longer have any feelings for him at all is just SO good, you can hardly be blamed for wanting to scream it to the world. And hey, if you want to stand on your rooftop with a megaphone and actually do so, more power to you. But please don’t send him a text actually telling him how “over him” you are unless you want to show him how “over him” you aren’t.
- “I still can’t believe what a loser you were.” That’s one of those things that might run through your head every day, but it’s still not a good idea to actually let your ex know that he’s constantly on your mind even if it’s for all the wrong reasons.
- “I would not be that upset if you got hit by a car.” Like, you wouldn’t WISH for it to happen, and you wouldn’t want him to suffer SERIOUS damage, but you also wouldn’t lose sleep over it if he suffered a broken arm because he didn’t look before he crossed the street. It’s cool — we all get those thoughts occasionally (or frequently). But actually telling someone that takes it from a harmless intrusive thought to something a little screwed up. Be the bigger person and keep this to yourself… and your close group of friends.
- “Well, somebody downgraded.” Even if it’s true, don’t bring his new woman into this. She has enough to deal with by dating your ex. If you actually tell him this, it immediately makes you the bitchy ex, but if you keep it to yourself, you get to feel confident knowing that you took the high road even when you could have delivered a serious low blow.
- “Screw you.” I kind of wish I could make this an automatic daily scheduled text to my ex, but, you know, “maturity” and stuff. Don’t give this dude the satisfaction of knowing he still gets to you enough to warrant this kind of message. If you absolutely NEEDÂ to send it, just make sure you block him immediately after he gets it so he doesn’t get the satisfaction of responding.
