If You Think You’re Not Dateable, You Need To Read This

If You Think You’re Not Dateable, You Need To Read This ©iStock/Everste

Let me guess: you’ve watched all your friends date with ease and you wonder why it seems so hard for you. You’re sick of sitting on the sidelines and watching all the action pass you by, but you’ve tried everything you can think of and it’s still not working. You might begin to slide into damning thoughts like “I’m not hot enough,” “It’s because I’m inexperienced,” or straight up “I’m not desirable” but hey, listen up – screw that noise. It’s just not true.

  1. You’re hella hot. Yeah, you are. The secret is that everyone is. Maybe you’re worried about not fitting into that size 0 dress. Maybe you have bad skin. Maybe you don’t like your nose or your hair. But the truth is, you carry an inner hotness around with you wherever you go, and that can’t be diminished by your size or shape or color.
  2. Experience is not a value system. Just because you haven’t had a lot of experience doesn’t mean you’re not dateable. In fact, you can’t win at this game – you’re supposed to be experienced enough to “satisfy” a guy, but not experienced enough to be labeled “easy.” Throw that idea out the window, because when you meet the right person, it won’t matter. You can gain experience together.
  3. Your intelligence is not the problem. You might have been told that you’re too smart, and that intimidates men. BS. If a potential date is thrown off by the fact that you’ve got a brain and know how to use it, he can kiss your ass goodbye. Your intelligence is one of the most dateable things about you.
  4. Beauty is a meaningless measuring stick. Where you fit into the ideal beauty spectrum is a stupid way of measuring if you’re dateable. It takes all kinds of kinds to run this world, and your kind is beautiful to so many people. Maybe you’re not a supermodel, but guess what? Neither is 99.999 percent of the population.
  5. You’re allowed to try — or not try. If you want to put yourself out there, go right ahead! Make a dating profile that states your goals (like, “I want to date”) and stick to ‘em. Go hit up trivia pub nights or meetup groups in your city. And if you’re feeling just too tired to keep trying? You can give yourself a break, and just trust that the universe will bring someone along when you’re ready.
  6. Honesty is cool; dragging yourself isn’t. Don’t crap on yourself when you talk about your dateable status. You can totally own up to your flaws, because that’s a sign of maturity. But don’t let yourself be condemned by your own words. You have to believe you’re worth something – and someone – before others will believe it too.
  7. You’re going to be proven wrong. You are dateable just the way you are, and there’s always going to be someone out there who can see that. If you just can’t believe it, try pretending like it’s true for a little while. You might be surprised at what that shift in attitude can do for your inner confidence and your outer glow.
Becca Rose is a writer with high hopes for her student loan debt. She's a musician and aspiring novelist, but don't ask her to write poetry, because she's terrible at it. She has written for HelloGiggles, The Toast, The Huffington Post, and more. You can find her on Twitter @bookbeaut