I Tried Being A “Friend With Benefits” & It Was The Worst Idea Ever

Having a “friend with benefits” sounded great at first. All the fun without any of the commitment — what could be better, right? WRONG. My experience was nothing like you see in the movies. Thanks to “No Strings Attached,” I was expecting a gorgeous guy, wild sex and a fairy tale ending — instead, I got this:

  1. Catching feelings wasn’t an option. I think he actually went out of his way to make sure I didn’t fall for him. He spent as little time with me as he possibly could — the second the deed was done, he immediately put his clothes on and walked out the door. I knew nothing about him. I mean I knew his name, but not much else. His aspirations, family tree and even his favorite foods are a mystery to me even today. I knew the rules of our agreement, so I’m not sure why I was surprised by how little interaction we had. I guess I just thought I would know a little bit more about the person I was sleeping with — call me naïve.
  2. He was basically a secret. “Honey, have you been seeing anyone lately?” Umm… How do you tell your mom that you’re casually having sex with a guy? My mom and I are close, but we aren’t “Gilmore Girls” close,so I had to keep my mouth shut about this “relationship.” My mom already sneaks into my room to rub holy water on my forehead, so what would she do if she knew about my promiscuous affairs — conduct an exorcism? I couldn’t deal with that.
  3. No more cuddling. My “friends with benefits” never wanted to cuddle. I get it, what with the lack of romantic feelings he had for me — but still, cuddling after sex was just something I thought everyone did. It seemed weird and slightly dirty to jump out of bed and put clothes on right after. It’s like we were trying to hide the fact that we both did something we weren’t too proud of. At least now I know that I absolutely love cuddling, I’ll never take it for granted again!
  4. There’s no such thing as emotionless sex. No, I didn’t fall in love with my “friends with benefits.” To be honest with you, I didn’t even fall in like — the kid was a jerk! However, I did find myself forming some sort of feelings for him — I can’t explain it! I would get sad if I didn’t hear from him and disappointed if he was too busy to come over. It’s weird because I knew I didn’t like him! Sex always mess you up because it tricks your mind into thinking you care more about someone than you really do — how lame is that?
  5. Sexting was a common activity. We never had a conversation that didn’t somehow deal with sex. Seriously, everything we talked about had a sexual undertone — the guy was a master at sexual innuendos. He never once asked me how my day was, if I got an A on my final paper… nada! He didn’t care; he couldn’t even pretend like he did. I was under the impression that a “friends with benefits” would be just that — a friend! Unfortunately, he was more like a coworker I hated but still slept with on occasions.
  6. My self-esteem plummeted. For some reason, I thought this would actually help my self-esteem. It’s not that I look to guys for validation, because I try my hardest not to. I just thought that having sex with no strings attached would prove how much of an independent woman I am. In actuality, I didn’t feel like someone who was independent. I felt like someone who was so dependent on other people that I started sleeping with an a-hole I didn’t even like. Not being comfortable with yourself is a horrible feeling — no one should be able to take away your confidence, especially not some axe-spraying womanizer.
  7. Hanging out together was awkward. One time he came over when I was in the middle of watching Titanic (and I mean the middle, the boat was still afloat). He just awkwardly sat in the chair across from my bed until the movie was over — and that movie is LONG. Are all encounters with “friends with benefits” this awkward? I mean the man’s already seen me naked, watching a movie should be a cake walk… and yet, it was extremely weird and almost unbearable!
  8. Sex became a chore. Eventually, sex wasn’t even fun anymore. It was in the beginning when everything was new, but after a while it just became work, and I already had a job — one that I was actually getting paid for. Instead of getting excited when he came over, I was annoyed. Maybe I just didn’t pick the right guy to do this with, because I’ve always liked sex. I thought my sex drive would increase because of him, but it dropped! I never thought I would be someone who would think sex was boring… but I did!
  9. I was jealous of happy couples. The couples I saw walking hand and hand down the street made me green with envy. I thought I would be happy having sex with a guy I wasn’t in a relationship with. No strings, no commitment, no heartache — no problem! It took this experience for me to learn that I actually do want a relationship. Not with my “friends with benefits” — hell no (I think he’s actually engaged now). All I know is, having sex with a guy who didn’t truly care about me felt like a complete waste of time!
  10. The relationship screwed me up. I would like to blame the fact that I’m perpetually single on this guy, but it’s not entirely his fault — this kind of relationship wasn’t one that I should’ve agreed to. I want to be connected to the guy I’m sleeping with and this was the exact opposite. That’s not to say I don’t think people should have “friends with benefits” if that’s right for them — to each their own. I don’t regret my experience because it did teach me a lot about myself. Sex isn’t something I want to make a priority in my relationships anymore, and my “friends with benefits” helped me see that.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.