I used to be that perpetually single girl who could never seem to find a guy who loved me the same way I loved him (or at all). However, once I started to put the following 10 things into practice, everything turned around.
- I pushed myself to try new things. I’m a creature of habit, so the idea of trying something totally out of my comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable. I like to fantasize about doing new things like rock climbing, singing in a choir, or taking cooking classes but I rarely follow through. I realized that there were a ton of opportunities to meet someone out there that isn’t in my circle of friends or someone I work with, so I’d be wise to just swallow my pride and sign up for these extra-curriculars. That’s exactly what I did and it was a game changer.
- I meditated every day for 20 minutes. I remember seeing a TED talk about a girl who meditated every day and how it changed her life. It was a gradual change, don’t get me wrong. In the first week or so, I considered dropping it altogether because it felt kind of pointless. How would thinking about nothing help me in my love life? I found that taking the time to delve deep into my inner workings every day allowed me to stay more or less in that state for the next 24 hours or so, and I swear it made my aura very attractive to people.
- I learned to say no. I’m a classic Yes Girl but didn’t realize how going for literally any guy who threw me a bone was totally ruining my chances of meeting someone great. I raised my standards, started turning out things and people who didn’t meet them and saved myself for only the good guys. I used to feel bad for saying no but now I know it’s worth it in the long run.
- I made myself look available. Half the battle of attracting someone is being available, but only when I started putting actual effort into appearing available did guys start getting the message. I used to be too shy to talk about my single status, but now I realize that it’s crucial to let people around you know that you’re looking. Just dropping the hint here and there that I was looking for a boyfriend made all the difference.
- I filled my schedule. I was a busy bee almost to the point where I didn’t have time to think and guess what? It made me feel so centered and calm in myself. I think it was because I always had something to focus on. I got into this flow where I was always happy and excited and had no time to sulk about how single I was and it made guys more attracted to me.
- I got really clear on why I wanted a relationship. I would sometimes say to myself that I was open to any kind of relationship—FWB, open, casual, whatever—but the truth is that I want something serious. It was only when I really thought about why I wanted a relationship to begin with and what I was really looking for that I started coming across guys who were good candidates.
- I found reasons to love myself. There isn’t one person in this world who doesn’t have some shame or guilt about something they did or who they are, so loving oneself can seem almost impossible sometimes. Still, I took a hard look at the qualities I had that I loved about myself both physically and personality-wise, and I kept those things in my mind throughout the day. Turns out, other people are way more likely to notice things you feel confident about in yourself.
- I got really good at flirting. I used to be really good at flirting, but it was more like the PG-rated, Disney kind. Guys weren’t getting the message that I was interested in them or even wanted to date in general, so I basically upped my game to make it a little more romantic and more PG-13. In other words, I got obvious without coming off as desperate and it worked like a charm.
- I stopped comparing myself to successful couples. I used to look at successful, happy couples and think, “That’s great but it’s not for me.” That kind of thinking would cause me to sabotage myself everytime a relationship was actually going well. So every time I caught myself thinking someone was better than me or that I’d never have what they had, I corrected my thinking to something more like, “I’m just as good as her and deserve a boyfriend like him.” Doing this gave me a way more positive outlook on my love life.
- I got on my own team. It used to feel like it was just me against the world, like no one would want to date me because, well, why would they? It’s me. But once I got on my own side, forgave myself for making mistakes and encouraged myself quietly throughout the day, things got a lot easier.
