Even if you’re not looking for casual sex, waiting three dates before doing the deed seems to be on its way out. After all, you’ve been texting and messaging for weeks, doesn’t that count for something? Not really. Online communication doesn’t take the place of actual dates and waiting three real dates before sex is actually still an incredibly good idea.
- First Dates Are Stressful Enough Without Feeling Pressured To Have Sex. First dates are rough enough without adding the looming spectre of sex on top of it. You have to find the perfect outfit, the perfect venue, the perfect meal or movie for the first date, so you shouldn’t have to worry about being the perfect lover on top of it. Even if you’ve been texting or messaging, you actually have to talk to him – in real life, without being able to proofread your witty comments a half dozen times before sending them. Waiting means you can worry about the conversation rather than the coupling.
- Take The Time To Get To Know Your Date Before The Bedroom. Everybody can use filters and get a buddy to read over their bio. Get to know the man behind the machine. Is he into you enough to wait for three dates or is he on his phone the whole time? Does he only talk about himself? Heads up – if he’s that self-centered on a date, you can bet he’ll be like that in bed, too. Cut your losses.
- Focus On Connecting With Him, Rather Than Thinking About What’s to Come. In a world full of instant gratification, actually talking to a human can be difficult. Does your online connection translate to real life, or are the only sparks between your phones? No sparks in the conversation tend to lead to no sparks in the bedroom. Focusing on the person, rather than thinking about the future act, can alleviate some of those fears and leave both of you feeling more comfortable.
- Make Sure It’s Safe Before You Get To His Room. Not a fun topic, but really – get to know the guy before following him up to his apartment. Even if he’s not a serial killer, have you talked about protection? Do you know if he’s been tested? Have you been tested? Heavy conversation for the first date, but if you’ve given yourself more time, you can address these things like grown-ups before the time comes, rather than saying screw it in the moment and paying for it later.
- Take The Time To Get Comfortable With Him. If you’ve already gone on a few dates, a lot of those getting-to-know-you nerves have been alleviated. You can actually be yourself in bed, maybe even laugh when those awkward noises come into play, because we all know they will. If you’re not comfortable enough to have fun and be yourself, isn’t it a waste of time?
- Consent With Confidence And Put Both Of You At Ease. If you’ve already held off for three dates, you’ll be much more comfortable agreeing – or disagreeing – to other things. If he’s truly into you, and three dates says he is, he’ll listen when you say you’re not into certain acts or when you insist on a condom. Jumping right in may make you more likely to agree to things you normally wouldn’t, because you’re still making your first impression. If this is your third or fourth impression, he’ll know you better. And vice versa for him, too. Performance anxiety is a thing for guys, as well.
- Make Sure You’re Mentally Prepared Enough To Enjoy It. We all know that a woman’s orgasm is mostly mental. If you’re not in the headspace, you most likely won’t reach your big finale. How can you let go if you’re wondering about that weird smell emanating from his bathroom or if he’s got roommates who can walk in? How can you tell him what you need if you’re too shy to admit that you can taste the onions he ate for dinner? Being comfortable with your partner is the most important thing and if you aren’t, sex may be less than stellar.
- He’ll Be Less Likely To Bail Afterwards. If he’s willing to stick around for several dates before sex, it’s less likely you’re dating some skeeze just looking for a quickie. If he’s investing the time, chances are this is going somewhere. And if you’re looking for a relationship, isn’t that the point?
- If It Isn’t Stellar The First Time, You’ll Be More Willing to Give It Another Go. Say you don’t wait and you head back to his place on your first date, and something goes wrong. Like candlewax-in-one-hell-of-a-wrong-place or striptease-sprains type wrong. First impressions matter, and you’re more than likely not going to want to try it again, or ever see his face again. But if he’s already seen you spill marinara sauce on your white shirt or your second date had him dumping popcorn all over a little old lady, those bedroom mishaps won’t seem as insurmountable. You’ll be more willing to get back on that horse and try, try again.
- You’ll Really Be Able to Savor The Anticipation Before Sex. First date anticipation aside, if both of you know you’re waiting until the third date, there’s nothing like that buildup. The subtle tease in the kissing after the first two dates just makes the third one all the better. It’s like one long drumroll. And if you’re over the first impressions, you’ll be able to take the time to prep for your first night (day, afternoon, whatever) together with a slightly calmer frame of mind. After all, you know the guy, you have fun, and you’re comfortable. Now you can go for it with a clear head and really let yourself be yourself.
