Want To Be Successful In Dating? Stop Caring So Much About It

By not caring about dating, I don’t mean playing hard to get. Instead, it’s realizing that you don’t need someone to make your life better, which means that you don’t have to take everything so seriously. Here are the benefits of not giving a damn.

  1. You keep your life instead of letting someone else rule it. You want your life to stay the same because it’s great and you have so much going for you. By not spending hours and days stressing about dating, you can free up mental space to do more important things.
  2. You don’t get caught up. Whirlwind romances can sweep you up and make you leave your current life behind. They’re scary, and more importantly, they rarely become something worth keeping. By not caring right away when you meet someone, you keep a clear head instead of losing yourself.
  3. You see things for what they really are. By not getting too invested too quickly, you can see the truth about the person you’re dating and the relationship you’re entering. This is so important because there’s nothing more dangerous than starting a relationship with blinkers on.
  4. You walk with confidence. Is there anything more empowering than knowing you can be 100% fine without this person in your life? Having that sense of independence and self-worth no matter what happens in your life makes you carry yourself with much better energy and it just reduces a lot of unnecessary stress in dating.
  5. You don’t send out nervous energy. Have you ever sent out a few texts to a guy when you were really nervous? Maybe you were trying to impress him so you spent half an hour crafting the “perfect” text. Next thing you knew, the guy was going off you. What gives? Chances are, he was picking up on that tense and stressful energy. When you stop caring so much about trying to be perfect, you stop sending out those vibes. It’s not so much about keeping the guy around, but more about not making dating such a big drama for yourself. 
  6. You don’t expect them to fill a hole. Your life is great and you don’t need to date someone even though it might be nice. Going into dating with this mindset prevents you from expecting people to make you happy or solve all your problems. 
  7. You set boundaries just by doing you. The best thing about not caring about whether so-and-so sticks around or not is that you live life your way. Part of this is having healthy boundaries, but the cool thing is that they happen naturally when you focus on having a life that makes you happy. For example, if you can’t see the guy on a Tuesday night, you don’t jump through hoops to try to change your schedule. You do what you need to do, and if he’s worthy of your time he’ll be cool with that.
  8. You know your value. One of the biggest problems with dating is that you enter into it thinking that you have to sell yourself. You have to dress a certain way and say certain things to keep someone interested. When you flip the script and stop caring so much, you don’t try too hard or sacrifice your value in order to be what you think others expect of you. It’s so empowering, and as a sidebar makes you a great catch.
  9. You’re not defined by a good date. While a good date with someone can leave you feeling happy, if you focus on not getting too invested right away this prevents you from defining your happiness according to them. Yeah, you should enjoy a fantastic date and an amazing kiss at the end of it, but you don’t have to feel pressure about having a second or third date. You allow things to unfold naturally while still enjoying the rest of your life.
  10. You stop obsessing about finding the right person. It’s easy to get caught up in the “When will I find my perfect person?” stress. But there’s nothing more liberating than stepping back and saying, “Who cares?” If you realize that you don’t need to find someone or else your life will be miserable, you’re in a much better state to create a life you need and want for yourself. You put your happiness in your own hands. So, when you leave a really crappy date, it feels bad but it doesn’t make you question your whole future.
  11. You date only when you really want to. By not trying so hard to find someone, you don’t go out there with the mission to date as though your life depends on it. You only date when you find someone you think will bring value to your life. When that happens, you can allow yourself to care because you’re not wasting your emotions on someone who doesn’t deserve it. And, that’s the whole point of not caring too much too soon.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.