My ex and I haven’t been together for a while now but that doesn’t mean I like watching him move on. Although the breakup was mutual and we left on the best possible terms, the time we spent together will always mean the world to me. I truly wish him all the best, I just wish I didn’t have to see it.
Social Media Is The Devil.
For me, social media creates this fog of illusion that is far from the truth. It is a mere highlight reel of someone’s life—there is no substance or depth. Often, I’ll see something on social media that will put me in a mood and force me to believe the worst, especially when it comes to an ex. I see a picture of your ex and if there’s a girl even in the vicinity, suddenly I convince myself that they’re madly in love and getting married.
I Can’t Run From Seeing It.
I’ve unfollowed my ex on most social media platforms but that doesn’t mean one picture of him won’t slip through the cracks of the cyber wall I’ve built. When you date someone for a long time, gradually their friends become your friends. Then when you break up, you can either continue to follow his friends or unfollow everyone. Day after day, you begin to feel safe and you start to move on. Then, that friend posts a picture of your ex and everything shatters, sending you back into a reel of memories. No matter how long it’s been since the breakup, the first sighting of him still kills me.
I Don’t Want To Think Of Him With Another Girl.
This is the hardest part of any breakup process, when your ex finds someone new. She may be prettier than me, smarter, funnier, or skinnier—suddenly everything I loved up about myself is up for debate. I doubt myself just because he did what was natural and moved on. Insecurities slip through and I doubt the reasons for our breakup. I can find comfort in believing that what they have isn’t close to what we did, but maybe that isn’t true. Ugh, it’s torture.
Hanging Out With Our Mutual Friends Isn’t The Same.
I became really close to my ex’s friends and I continue to see them. I love them dearly but I feel like I’m being stabbed in my heart every time they talk about future plans. I’m laughing with them and putting my best face forward, but inside I’m being torn apart. When I’m with them, all I can think about is the fact that seeing them will never be the same. That group of couples will never laugh together again because my couple—me and my ex—aren’t part of it.
I wonder if I’ll ever find love again.
Even if I know I can do better and the breakup was the best decision, I can’t help but wonder if I’ll find love again—more specifically, the kind of love I had with him. What are the chances of finding that with someone else? He was genuinely my best friend, my partner in crime. I know that I’m not doomed for love, but I fear that I’ll never find that connection again.
He Introduced Me To New Things That I Can’t Enjoy Without Him.
You know that song you avoid listening to because it propels you into your past? Your heart aches and you can’t skip it quickly enough. Music is a time capsule. My ex and I were huge music buffs and he took me to my first music festival. I loved every second and I planned to make it an annual trip. Now, I think that I’ll never be able to enjoy a festival or hear that same music again without thinking about him.
I Loved His Family.
My mother always told me that when you marry, you marry the family and to be aware of your in-laws. Truthfully, I didn’t have a great experience with my past boyfriends’ until this ex. His family is incredible; they’re kind, warm, and a lot of fun. I never dreaded family functions—I actually looked forward to them. How do I know I’ll find that again? Between his friends and his family, I’ve lost a connection that’s irreplaceable.
He Isn’t A Jerk.
I think often women try to convince themselves that the guys they love are jerks just so they can move on… but what if they aren’t? I’ve been through the ringer with my ex and there have been times that I wasn’t treated with respect. He knows that and he’s apologized endlessly for his behavior. To his core, he’s one of the kindest people I know, which was what drew me to him. The relationship got so hard and the situations we were put in put a fatal strain on our relationship, but he’s a good man. I can’t force myself to hate him out of spite.
All Of Our Friends Want Us Back Together.
It’s hard enough that I can’t spend an evening with our mutual friends without being reminded of him, but it’s even worse when all of them want us to get back together. It’s hard to see their sympathetic eyes knowing that deep down, I wish my situation with him was different too. The truth is, group hangouts aren’t as fun when a group member is missing.
I’m Not Over Him.
Going out with my friends, living the single life, and having freedom isn’t as fabulous as romantic comedies make it seem. Perhaps we made the right decision, but how can I be sure? Only time will tell but all time has been telling me is that I hate watching my ex move on because I’m not as over him as I thought. I can trick myself into thinking I’m better off and I don’t need him, but the truth is, when I’m alone and there’s no one to distract me, I’m sad.
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