8 Ways Introverts Love Differently

Contrary to popular belief, introverts are not loners or people with poor social skills. We’re just people who need alone time to recharge and respond to internal stimuli more than external. We want love, friendships, and social lives, even though it doesn’t always appear that way to people who don’t understand us. If you’re an introvert, or have dated one, you’ll probably relate to these ways introverts love differently.

  1. We won’t always show up to social events, but we don’t get jealous. A lot of times, social events seem like way more effort than they’re worth. We understand that extroverts don’t feel the same way, and respect their need to go out and be around other people without getting jealous or assuming they are doing something wrong. We don’t feel the need to accompany them 24/7 in order to feel secure in a relationship.
  2. We can’t tolerate everyone you hang out with, but we don’t let friends and family interfere in our relationships. It’s literally painful for us to engage with certain people. It can feel exhausting, like work, or as if we’re just going through the motions of a conversation. Our habit of disengaging with people we don’t enjoy can come in handy, however, when friends, exes, or relatives try to meddle in our relationships. We just ignore them instead of getting upset or letting them manipulate us.
  3. We need time away from you, but we’re independent. It can feel like you’re being rejected when an introvert needs a little space. Don’t take it personally because we really do want you, just not every moment. Having a partner who wants and needs to do some things on their own is a blessing, as it takes some pressure off the relationship and gives you room to grow as an individual.
  4. We overthink everything, but we won’t bore you with small talk.  We can get a little lost in thought, as we tend to overthink everything. While our apparent day dreaming and painstaking thought process can be annoying to witness, you can be assured that we’ll never bore you with small talk. We’ve essentially already said everything in our heads and ruled out the boring stuff before it had a chance to come out of our mouths.
  5. We struggle to live in the moment, but we think before we act. Our tendencies to overthink and overanalyze can make it tricky to live in the moment and actively engage with our surroundings. The upside of this is that we rarely make any rash or foolish decisions, or accidentally do things that could hurt our relationships.
  6. We can come off as rude, but we’re great listeners. If you’re an introvert, you’ve probably been told a million times that people thought you were rude or angry when they first met you. We’re literally just thinking. We might not respond to things the way people anticipate, which can be discouraging if they’ve put a lot of time and effort into a gift or a surprise. It’s not that we aren’t happy or enthusiastic; it’s that we’re responding internally. Since we tend to “take it all in” before we react, we make great listeners. We actively listen to everything people say and put a pain staking amount of consideration into the advice we give, especially with our partners.
  7. We come to you with all our problems, but we give a lot of love and attention. Introverts have small circles, because maintaining a lot of friendships is exhausting for us. That means that our support system is also small, so we will be leaning on you when we are having a hard time. Having a small circle also means everyone in it gets a larger percentage of our attention, so you are always a priority showered in love and affection when you date an introvert.
  8. We don’t always get social rituals, but we don’t let societal pressures influence our relationships. There’s little reward for us for attending social rituals, like school dances or bridal showers, so we don’t always understand why they are so important to other people. On the flip side, there’s little benefit for following social norms in a relationship for us, so we tend not to cave to outside pressures to get married or have a baby. If and when we decide to do those things, it’s because we’re certain it’s what we want for ourselves. Because internal stimuli are our greatest motivators, we always follow our hearts in love and relationships.
Holly Harris is a freelance writer, full time student, and mommy to a toddler sass monster. In her (nearly nonexistent) free time, you can find her lifting something heavy in her home gym or chugging vodka sodas with friends. She contributes to several other sites, including Elite Daily.