Everyone gets insecure, and it’s totally normal to wonder if you measure up. However, in relationships, those worries can really kick into overdrive. Men might try especially hard to hide those vulnerable feelings, but they don’t just disappear. Instead, insecurities can leak out in unexpected ways, from being extra critical to becoming overly competitive. Spotting these signs can help you navigate those tricky moments and build a stronger, more open connection with your partner.
1. They become extremely over-protective.
While insecure guys aren’t necessarily aggressive, when they’re finding their footing in a new relationship, what they lack in words they’ll make up for in protectiveness. While not to be encouraged in the long term, it’s okay to find this flattering in the moment. Just know that it’s a symptom of trying to mask his insecurity!
2. They get jealous.
When men who are insecure are in a relationship, it can take a while for them to build up the confidence to talk to you about the real stuff. His jealousy will conceal his real insecurity. He’ll worry that every guy who looks your way is going to steal you from him because deep down he worries he might not be good enough. It’s important to remind him that you’re choosing to be with him and start building up trust.
3. They love to poke at your insecurities.
It’s often that the most insecure people put on the funniest facade so they can hide behind it. This will typically take the form of teasing you, in part because they think you’re cute when you’re riled up, but mostly because they’re not ready for the same to be done to them yet. It’s a defense mechanism, so be patient during this phase.
4. They withdraw suddenly.
Insecure men in relationships aren’t typically violent, nor will they lash out. Their problem is that they withdraw when they don’t know what to do or feel. If your partner suddenly goes MIA, give him space initially — he’s not ready to share his insecurities yet.
5. They have severe mood swings.
Life can be very up and down for men with insecurities, particularly in a relationship where they don’t yet know how they’ll carve out their personal time and space while also being good partners. They likely feel torn and unsure if they’re up to the task. As they adjust, give them grace to adapt however they need to.
6. They might use silence to avoid being vulnerable.
A key characteristic of men with insecurities is that they often don’t have the language to articulate themselves effectively. Because they’re so uncomfortable discussing their feelings (particularly if they don’t know how to identify them), it may come off as if they’re shutting you out or pushing you away.
7. They always ask you questions.
Insecure men will be really attentive and interested in what you have to say in the relationship. They’re so stuck in their own heads most of the time that it’s refreshing to absorb more about you and what makes you tick. It’s a distraction from their own self-doubts and keeps them from having to talk about themselves.
8. They find it hard to be real with you.
While they might be curious to know everything about you, it’s hard for them to reciprocate this open channel of communication. While you see the questions as someone taking an interest in you, your partner will see questions as a potential attack or something that could reveal something they’re insecure about. As a result, they might get defensive or clam up.
9. They won’t talk about their past.
With insecurity comes shame. Insecure men feel more aware of their past than women. Remember, it may not just be in their head — maybe previous partners have used their past against them and they’re scarred from the experience and scared of it happening again. They don’t want to ruin a good thing and are hypersensitive to everything that they think poses a threat to the relationship.
10. They choose their words to avoid judgment.
For people who spend all their time overthinking, everything is an opportunity to be judged. Guys like this always speak carefully, and it may feel like it takes them a few months to open up and be thesmelves around you, even though you’re trying to be a safe space. Trust the process. Make it clear that you accept them for who they are — the more they realize that, the more they’ll start to let their guard down eventually.
11. They get self-destructive when they feel safe.
Insecure men often hide their fear of getting hurt by lashing out and starting arguments. It may be bewildering and frustrating, but it’s their response to feeling safer than they ever have with a partner. They self-destruct because they don’t trust that a good thing can be real — or that it will last.
12. They become distant and aloof.
On their good days, insecure people are great partners because they’re attentive and love the person they’re with. However, on bad days, when they doubt themselves, they put distance between you and them because they don’t trust themselves not to hurt you. Unfortunately, they end up doing so by withdrawing altogether.
13. They never learn to break toxic behavioral patterns.
When people have insecurities about the role they played in their previous relationship ending, they run from the truth and never get the chance to learn. As a result, insecure men continually make the same mistakes, over and over. As a result, their relationships don’t usually last long-term.
14. They keep score.
One key way that people hide their insecurities in a relationship is by keeping track of the other person’s perceived flaws. Even though they may have forgotten to do the dishes or pick up the takeout, they will escalate their mistake to a full-blown accusation that their partner never does their share of work — even if it’s patently untrue. It’s a desperate attempt to conceal his own mistake, but it can be hurtful.
Enjoy this piece? Give it a like and follow Bolde on MSN for more!
