What Do Guys Like In A Woman? 20 Qualities Men Love (And 20 They Don’t)

While all men have their own personal tastes when it comes to what they find attractive in a romantic partner, there are some qualities that are universally desirable. After all, pretty much all guys would agree that they want to be with someone who’s upbeat, fun to be around, and who’s caring and considerate. On the flip side, none of them want to date a person who’s narcissistic, selfish, or who’s very cold and aloof. But what is it that men really like in women when it comes down to the nitty-gritty?

If you’ve been regularly striking out with men, starting out hot and heavy only for the guy to lose interest overnight or pull away, it could be that you’re lacking some of the characteristics that they consider must-haves in potential girlfriends. While you certainly shouldn’t be going out of your way in an attempt to appeal to a guy as “girlfriend material,” you can naturally fulfill that role simply by having the qualities below. (And as an added bonus, we’ll share the traits men don’t love in women, too.)

Characteristics men like in a woman

1. Confidence Many men are drawn to women who are secure in who they are, showcasing a strong sense of self-worth. They love when you’re feeling yourself and when you make it clear that you know what you bring to the table. Just be careful that you don’t cross that very thin line into being arrogant — that’s not attractive!
2. Intelligence Engaging in stimulating conversations and being knowledgeable on various topics can be very attractive. It should go without saying that you should ever downplay your intelligence or “play dumb” to appeal to men — the ones of value love when you go on a rant about astrophysics or share the intricate history of ancient Rome.
3. A killer sense of humor A woman who can laugh, share jokes, and see the lighter side of life is often appreciated. Sometimes life seriously sucks, and it’s important to be able to appreciate the ridiculous randomness of it all and crack up about it (to keep you from really cracking up). Plus, no one wants to be with someone who takes themself too seriously.
4. Kindness Compassion and empathy towards others, whether towards loved ones or strangers, are traits many men like. It costs literally nothing to just be nice to people, even when they may not extend that same kindness back to you. There’s so much nastiness in the world — putting goodness out there helps even the scales just a little bit.
5. Independence A woman who has her own goals, passions, and can stand on her own feet can be very appealing. Men love women who are self-sufficient, who love their own company, and who are living an amazing life all on their own. They want to add to what you already have, not be forced into the role of your “other half.”
6. Supportive Being a pillar of support in times of difficulty is something many men cherish. It can be harder for guys to open up about their feelings, so when they do allow themselves to be vulnerable, they want to know they’re in safe hands and will receive the comfort and encouragement they need during tough times.
7. Honesty Open communication and sincerity in actions and words are foundational for trust. It doesn’t matter if what you have to say might be hurtful or make them angry. Most men would much rather be told the truth so that they can deal with it accordingly than to be left in the dark about what’s really going on.
8. Adventurousness An eagerness to try new things and go on adventures can bring excitement to a relationship. The longer you’re together, the more naturally stale things are going to get. That’s just life. However, that’s also where a sense of adventurousness comes into play. Guys love knowing you’ll always be open to experiencing new things to keep your relationship (and life in general) exciting and engaging.
9. Affectionate Genuine affection, whether through words, touch, or actions, can make a man feel loved and valued. This doesn’t mean 24/7 PDA or basically being attached to him like Velcro when you’re together. However, many guys like when a woman squeezes their hand sometimes, gives them a random kiss when walking by, and is just generally warm and inviting.
10. Respectful Mutual respect is key in any relationship; understanding boundaries and valuing opinions is essential. It doesn’t matter if you agree with the things he says or does or if you like it  — you simply need to respect that his thoughts, emotions, and opinions are valid and no less correct or important than your own.
11. Loyalty Loyalty and faithfulness are traits that many men hold in high regard. He wants to know that he can trust you to be 100% faithful to him and also have his back. For instance, if your friends are talking down about him, you should be there to defend him and back him up. No guy wants to feel like he has a fair-weather girlfriend in his life.
12. Good listener A woman who can attentively listen, understand, and provide meaningful feedback can make a man feel heard and appreciated. That means you put your phone down when he’s talking, you give him your full attention, and most importantly, that you internalize the things he’s saying so that you truly hear him and understand him better. Don’t let it go in one ear and out the other even if he’s talking about something that doesn’t really interest you.
13. Patience Being patient, especially during challenging times, can help in navigating the complexities of a relationship. This means you understand that he might not be on the same level as you when it comes to your relationship or even various life skills. While you shouldn’t have to baby him, you should be patient enough to recognize he’s doing his best and is working to catch up.
14. Passion Whether it’s about a career, hobby, or cause, a passionate woman can be intriguing. Men like when a woman approaches life with intensity and zest. And yes, it should go without saying that they also love when this translates to the bedroom!
15. Physical attraction While it’s subjective, physical attraction does play a role in many relationships. You wouldn’t want to be with someone that you had no chemistry with or didn’t find visually appealing, and guys are the same. They want to feel like they want to rip a woman’s clothes off and that they would like to look at her day in, and day out for the rest of their lives. It’s human nature!
16. A sense of mystery Leaving a little to the imagination or having depths to be discovered can keep the spark alive. While he likely wants to know everything about you, he doesn’t want an info dump on day one. Leave a little to the imagination and keep him guessing. It will make him want to chase you as he’s desperate to figure out more.
17. Ambition A drive to achieve one’s goals, whether they’re personal or professional, is something guys like in a woman. They want you to have long- and short-term goals for your life and a clear plan on how you’re going to achieve them. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who knows what she wants and how she’s going to get there.
18. Compatibility Shared values, interests, and life goals can create a strong bond. This isn’t something you can force or that you need to do anything about — compatibility comes down to the type of people you both are, and if it’s not there, it’s just not the right situation. Don’t stress too much about this one!
19. Emotional stability Being able to handle life’s ups and downs gracefully is a trait many men value. They don’t want to be on a constant emotional roller coaster because you have temper issues, fly off the handle at the smallest inconvenience, or are so hypersensitive that they’re constantly walking on eggshells around you.
20. Optimism A positive outlook on life can be contagious and uplifting. Sure, everyone gets down sometimes and that’s okay. However, your overall approach to life should be an upbeat one (and if you find that really hard, you might need to speak to a therapist or other mental health professional as you could be experiencing depression).

Traits men don’t like in women

1. Dishonesty Trust is foundational in any relationship, and dishonesty can erode that trust rapidly. While you might think your little white lies are no big deal, they can singlehandedly destroy your relationship if he catches you out. No one wants to feel like they’re not getting the full story or that what they’re being told is nowhere near the truth.
2. Jealousy Excessive jealousy can lead to an unhealthy relationship dynamic. Sure, a little bit of jealousy is natural and even healthy, but if it causes you to lash out at him and make wild accusations or to make a scene when he’s around other people, it won’t be long before you’re left in the dust.
3. Overbearing Being overly controlling or domineering can suffocate a relationship. He’s looking for an equal partner, not a second mother. You don’t get to say what he eats, wears, thinks, does, or who he hangs out with. Of course he values your opinions, but you don’t call the shots.
4. Lack of Communication Bottling up feelings or not communicating can lead to misunderstandings. Guys like a woman who knows how to say what’s on her mind and doesn’t leave him guessing. After all, he can’t help sort things out if he doesn’t actually know what’s going on, can he?
5. Flakiness Being unreliable or frequently dipping out on plans can be a source of frustration. Just as you hate when guys ghost you or cancel plans at the last minute, many men feel the same. If you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere, make it a priority to do so.
6. Pessimism Constant negativity or always seeing the glass as half empty can be draining over time. The world is full of enough doom and gloom — he’s not going to want to come home to his own personal Debbie Downer. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes and finds it hard to see the bright side, but if you spend every day mired in cynicism and negativity, that will quickly wear thin.
7. Self-centeredness A lack of consideration for others or always prioritizing oneself can cause rifts. After all, a relationship is supposed to be about two people — acting as if you’re still a single person when you’re part of a couple is selfish, rude, and will leave him feeling neglected.
8. Being overly critical Constant criticism, instead of constructive feedback, can wear down a partner’s self-esteem. Hey, we all have things we can work on or improve, but if you’re constantly nitpicking at all his flaws and talking him down, he’s going to end up resenting you. Guys like a woman who appreciates them for who they are and accepts them, imperfections and all.
9. Gossip Sharing others’ private details or indulging in excessive gossip can be a turn-off for some. Obviously, you want to spill the tea with your girlfriends from time to time, and that’s fine. However, constantly talking badly about another person in your friend group behind their back or being extra judgy about people for no reason is a major turn-off.  Gossip is downright toxic.
10. Lack of ambition While not true for all, some men appreciate a partner with goals and aspirations. There’s nothing wrong with being content with where you are in life — not everyone has to have goals to work for NASA or invent the next big social media network. However, men love when a woman has lofty goals and is working towards achieving them.
11. Insecurity Though everyone has insecurities, constantly seeking validation or being overly self-deprecating can affect a relationship. A good guy will naturally be reassuring, but it shouldn’t be required on a daily basis for him to tell you that the sun shines out of your butt in order for you not to be paranoid that he’s going to leave you.
12. Lack of independence Being overly reliant on a partner for every small decision can be burdensome for some men. Clinginess is the opposite of attractive and in fact will end up pushing him away. Guys want to be with a woman who has her own life and keeps it going even when she’s part of a couple. It puts way less pressure on him and on the relationship.
13. Close-mindedness An unwillingness to consider new ideas or viewpoints can limit personal growth and mutual understanding. That’s not to say that you have to adapt your beliefs to match his, but you should at least be open to hearing other points of view and not simply shut people down because what they’re saying doesn’t gel with your own way of thinking.
14. Over-dependence on social media Some men might find an excessive focus on social media and online validation off-putting. While there’s nothing wrong with posting a cute selfie on a night out or looking at cute dog videos when you’re in bed, if you find it impossible to put your phone down, there’s a problem.
15. Passive-aggressiveness Avoiding direct communication and resorting to indirect expressions of displeasure can be confusing and frustrating. If you have something to say, most men would really prefer you come out and say it rather than stomping around with an attitude or giving them the silent treatment. That’s immature and just not cool.
16. Lack of appreciation Not acknowledging or valuing the efforts made by the other party can lead to feelings of being taken for granted. While you don’t have to lavish praise on him for every little thing he does — washing his dishes from the food he ate or throwing a load of laundry in the washing machine is not a favor! — you should give him a quick thanks for the little things he does to make your life better/easier.
17. Playing hard to get Some men might find this tactic tiresome and confusing rather than intriguing, but it’s a fine line to tow. Many guys like a woman who’s not too available and leaves them guessing a bit. However, other men dislike a woman who tries to get him to chase her because it makes her seem like a game player. Tread carefully here!
18. Lack of trust Constantly doubting or second-guessing a partner can erode the foundation of a relationship. Don’t give him reasons to doubt you or what you’re up to. Being shady with your phone, being vague about your plans, or deliberately hiding things from him is not the way to build trust and will lead to a breakdown of your relationship (and a breakup!).
19. Being materialistic: Valuing material possessions over emotional connection is not the way to build a strong relationship. Of course, everyone likes nice things, and you can’t help if you’re obsessed with that Loewe bag you saw Beyonce with at Fashion Week, but understand that material goods aren’t everything. Placing too much value on money and gifts is a bad look.
20. Unwillingness to compromise Refusing to meet in the middle or always wanting things your way can and will lead to conflict. Relationships are meant to be equal partnerships, and men like a woman who understands that she won’t always get her way (and who doesn’t throw a fit about it).